[childofchaos831]

I was sitting outside my 12 step club this evening, chatting with some friends... a guy sat down at the next table, and after a few minutes he made a joke related to what we were talking about... I went with it and added on to the joke, and then looked at the guy...

Immediately, I knew I knew him. I said "I feel like I know you from somewhere..." He said it had been awhile since he had been to meetings, and then told me his first name. It still didn't register, and I was like, "hmm, I don't know, I still have this feeling..." Then he said his last name, and my brain completely left my body for a good five minutes... in that time, all I could really manage was laughing and the occasional curse word... I was able to tell him how I knew him during that time, tho.

His dad was married to my aunt, at the time that she passed away. My mother gave him her credit card number so he could get a plane ticket to fly to his day, to accompany him back home with my aunt's remains...

So, we got to talking... he shared with me how he was able to talk to my aunt about stuff that he couldn't talk to his dad about... and how it was so devastating for everyone when she died.

Then, without even really knowing what I was saying, I said that her death is really what sent me off the deep end. I had started drinking when I was 17, and she passed when I was 19, almost 20.

That is when things really started to nose dive, but I had never even realized it, until I heard the words come out of my mouth...

I'm still a little in shock that I saw him at all, but I think it's a blessing, for both of us. We exchanged numbers, and I really hope to be able to connect with him again. I think I might need to be able to sit down and hear some of his memories of my aunt.

One thing he said tonight, "she died of a big heart." So true. The actuality of it, she died from complications of an enlarged heart, had a heart attack while scuba diving... but also, she loved everyone, she cared for everyone. She was more of a mother to me than my biological mother in some regard. She became a social worker, worked the CPS hotline for a long time. I just wish I could have told her some of the things I was going though, the abuse from a boyfriend I had had when I was 17, the way my mother was, and still is...

It's just all so surreal right now...