Reducing alcohol intake by tapering

Hi,

I'm dating a man who has an alcohol problem. He is a social drinker but drinks excessively when he does. For example, in the afternoon he drank two large cans of strong beer, then at dinner he had three shots of hard liquor. And the next time I met him, he had four big bottles of strong beer for lunch with two draft beers. Then, he does not drink for awhile then repeats this cycle of excessive drinking. I told him I was concerned about his drinking. He admitted he has a problem and wants to reduce his alcohol intake by tapering. Initially he wants to cut down by 20 percent then do more afterwards, etc. My question is whether or not tapering slowly is a good idea? I don't drink alcohol so don't know much about its effects. He is not an alcoholic and does not drink in the morning or all of the time. He has an alcohol problem though and drinks a lot at one time then does not for awhile. So, he thinks cutting down slowly is a good idea. I want him to quit before his drinking gets out of control. However, I have not told him this and am wondering if reducing his intake is also a good solution? I just don't know. Others have told him about their concern about his drinking too. So, this is a good start that he wants to reduce. Should I say anything or suggest anything? Does anybody have any suggestions for this situation? Thank you!!

I think if he's NOT an alcoholic, it COULD work. Can't hurt to try. Never worked for me (I'm a ragin' alcoholic! )

Thank you for your comment!!

Coming from in recovery functioning alcoholic and he drinks 6 or more drinks a day that a serious issue.

Does he ever get aggressive/ controlling with you?

Tapering at first worked then I found I just drank 75% more on weekends then weekdays. So I went cold turkey multiple times and found that my situations even though I was a social drinker at first to get rid of the awkwardness and anxiety! When I was drinking all the time!

Maybe ask him to see a addictions counsellor or something like that mine really helps me!

Thank you for your advice!

I'll play devil's advocate here, but is it possible he drinks more when he's not with you. I'm a recovering alcoholic & when I drank I always tried to hide how much I actually drank. Be careful.

It's called binge drinking. If he drinks to excess & it's affecting his life function...that is the definition of a binge alcoholic. it is most likely affecting his life as you & friends are concerned. Not sure what you mean by tapering off. Do you mean getting drunk less often or getting drunk on less alcohol. I'd suggest you find an Alanon meeting in your area & go. You will find other people in your situation and they are great at answering question. It's a friendly anonymous place.

I'm dating a man who has an alcohol problem. He is a social drinker but drinks excessively when he does. For example, in the afternoon he drank two large cans of strong beer, then at dinner he had three shots of hard liquor. And the next time I met him, he had four big bottles of strong beer for lunch with two draft beers. Then, he does not drink for awhile then repeats this cycle of excessive drinking. I told him I was concerned about his drinking. He admitted he has a problem and wants to reduce his alcohol intake by tapering. Initially he wants to cut down by 20 percent then do more afterwards, etc. My question is whether or not tapering slowly is a good idea? I don't drink alcohol so don't know much about its effects. He is not an alcoholic and does not drink in the morning or all of the time. He has an alcohol problem though and drinks a lot at one time then does not for awhile. So, he thinks cutting down slowly is a good idea. I want him to quit before his drinking gets out of control. However, I have not told him this and am wondering if reducing his intake is also a good solution? I just don't know. Others have told him about their concern about his drinking too. So, this is a good start that he wants to reduce. Should I say anything or suggest anything? Does anybody have any suggestions for this situation? Thank you!![/QUOTE]

Thank you both for your suggestions and comments!!

I have recently tapered off seeing/living with a person such as the one whom you are describing..He goes for two months at a time and drinks nothing, then for whatever reason, drinks to excess in a few short hours..he also gets very bossy, hateful, condescending to everyone, and says he is doing nothing wrong..After about two years of dealing with this attitude when he drinks, I finally got so scared because of PTSD (concerning alcohol and abusive ex) that I am now scared to go back to his home. He has "lost" all of his family because of his drinking and violence. When he isn't drinking, you won't find a better man, so thoughtful, compassionate, romantic, etc..very loving. I have developed a trust issue with him that is very painful, so please take care of yourself with someone who drinks. His "outburst" last July has caused me to put up my walls again, because he triggered my PTSD. Hopefully I have helped you in some small way...

It sounds like you are engaged in "monitoring" this man's alcohol use. That'a sensible thing for anyone to do with someone they are just getting to know. So you monitored and came to the conclusion that he has a problem. So now you are "monitoring" in hopes of seeing this problem alleviated. I recognize the pattern because I have "been there, done that." It took me down a very frustrating path. Eventually, I got involved in Al-Anon.

Al-Anon knows all about people like you and me - those who "monitor" another's drinking. I suggest you at least get some of their literature. I was surprised at how they knew all about what was going through my mind. And they foretold that I was going to expend a lot of effort in going in a futile direction. They were right.

What difference does it make whether tapering is a good idea, or isn't? Suppose it's not. What are you going to do about it? Are you trying to devise a program for this man?

So you have a goal that he should quit before his drinking "gets out of control?" He's already out of control. What you're describing is not social drinking. "Spree drinkers" are responding to a compulsion. This is not free choice. This is "need." Compulsive drinkers - which he is - are not motivated to change, until they face unhappy consequences to what they are doing.

You are trying to figure out how to solve a problem that isn't yours to solve. The more invested you get in that, the more he will hide his drinking from you.

I understand that you want to be a supportive friend. I'm not opposed to being friends with a person who drinks excessively. Go ahead and be his friend. Tell him you will be glad to help him in any way you can. That's all fine. But you sound like you are ready to sign on as his personal life-coach. Forget it.

You're trying to reinvent the wheel. There is vast expertise on alcohol rehab already out there. This guy knows all about where he can go for it. He's not the first drinker to hope he can "taper down" to a reasonable intake. That's a well-worn path. Go to an AA or Al-Anon meeting and you can hear all about the "taper down" approach.

I just googled it. Here's a link: Self-tapering from alcohol: Dangerous or harm reduction?

Do a search and you can find lots more on the subject.

Here's a good article about the prospect of reducing one's drinking from excessive to moderate. It says that some drinkers can do it, but that depends on the nature of the drinkers pattern of drinking:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ink-moderately

Thank you for the information and the concern.

I have never known any full adult chronic binge drinkers that were successful at moderating and I know a few that have tried. I know a couple of people who binged in their early years (high school and college) that grew out of it and no longer binge drink (that I know of). I tried moderation a few times. I always stopped completely for months prior to trying to drink moderately rather than tapering. I always lapsed back into the old behavior and this time I plan to quit for good (just over 6 months in). If someone is unwilling to stop completely for a period of time, I have zero confidence in tapering being successful.

Thanks for your comment!

I'm an alcoholic and am tapering down right now.. I can say he isn't an alcoholic and doesn't have an alcohol problem if what you say is true..

However if he is hiding his drinking and does drink daily then this changes things.. If he only drinks what you say he does and doesn't drink daily then there is no need for him to taper.. He can just quit, by alcoholics standards he isn't drinking a lot, nor will he be allowed in rehab at that little amount of alcohol..

It's more important to find out why he's drinking in the first place.. Is it stress? Anxiety? If he isn't drinking daily then it isn't because he's an alcoholic..