I think I'm turning into my old self again this is bad

I used to take a lot of different types of drugs and drink a lot of alcohol and I think sober and off drugs for about a year I say not counting the days so I can cats whiskers and I've started to form an addiction after my liver failure to stay at hospital and addiction with opiates I don't know what to do so going to send me to pain management specialist and I really want to get off this yet because it's ruining my life and fix it to it hard I don't know maybe someone who can relate I don't really know but it's haunted at the moment and I can't speak to anybody else

Sorry, text to speech. I don't know how to edit in Tapatalk

It sounds like you are struggling.
It is hard!
I hope you have family and friends to help you in this journey.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I usually like to say to myself every time a dope rush closes up to my mind:

"It's not a choice, if you can't say no".

I know the feeling especially with alcohol. I noted that I have problem when I went to get some beer here and they stop selling it 9 PM and I went to the wrong bus by a chance and I had to run to the closest shop but I missed by 2 minutes. So I collapsed to the grass and started crying like a baby. Then I realized it wasn't a choice, but the next day I thought you might as well have fun when you're young and the alcohol tolerance raises any way.

Being addicted to something is just so painful, cause you know very well you're in a different mood in a hour or so and you'll eventually go there anyway even tho you're strong now. But the good thing is that the space between the mistake runs and the temptation gets smaller the longer you hold yourself from doing the thing which draws you. So the first two things is to remember A) to forgive yourself if you fail and keep doing it B) The addiction is not you, it's someone else talking to you.

And truly
It's not a choice if you can't say no

But I wish you best of luck :-) I like to drinking today but only when it's a choice made by me :-)