I reflect on the times I used to be a party bum. And I honestly have to wonder how I survived some of those drug filled week(s) or weekends that lasted four or five days.

On the drugs I used to do:

Alchohol - Don't miss it in the slightest. I am so glad I quit drinking and I think I was on the verge of quitting anyways before i got pregnant because I was sick to death of having to have my friends cab home with me because I broke down into an emotional mess when I drank WAY WAY too much. I didn't drink that often, but when I did I sure drank alot. I can remember times at the bar where I would go with two hundred dollars and leave with a twenty. Not good. And it just brings out all of my emotional pain and misgivings and makes me cry ect.

Ecstacy: I will admit, I still miss this drug from time to time. Simply because to be honest it lifted me out of my depression and made me feel..well, ecstaticly happy for a few hours. But then you end up feeling terrible and coming down for more hours than you were high to begin with. I guess you could say its a nice thought, but doesn't make any sense in the long run. And the other terrible thing about it is it is the type of drug that honestly can be so fun that you are tempted to keep doing it and doing it for days. They say its not physically addictive, but I don't beileve that for a second. I know what it felt like to come down off it and it was NOT fun.. depression, feeling almost suicidal, having emotional instability ect. So All in all, though i miss it from time to time like missing an old friend you can no longer be around, I also recognize that I am better off without it. No matter if I do think it has its good qualities, the way I was using it was certainly not healthy in any way.

other drugs (like speed, and cocaine) I quit all of these several years ago. Speed made me psychotic and so did cocaine. I will never, never touch them again. I almost died because of speed once and almost died because of cocaine once. And I never even did either of them as much as the other drugs. Some day when I feel up to it, I will write out my story of the times I landed in the hospital with cardiac problems and how scary it was.

I also watched speed take my ex boyfriend from a near genius artist who was amazing, to someone who couldn't go a day without some type of it and would go so far as to smoke crushed ephedrine off of lightbulbs. His whole life fell apart, and I eneded up leaving him because I simply couldn't handle drugs in the house all the time every day.

I am really GLAD that I got pregnant and I cherish the fact that it gave me the strength to quit everything. And I look forward to not being the way I was before. I still can't say I will never ever have a drink again, or I will never ever have a cap of ecstacy again, but I can honestly say not for a very long time and DEFINETLY not while I have a child around.

Just thought I would share my thoughts.

[DePressMe]

Hi Rainbowzz! I also feel incredibly grateful that life circumstances led me to get off the drugs and to get sober. We are the lucky ones. I feel for those who are still out there using...

DepressMe, you are right that we are lucky. ((((depressme)))))

[Raynaadi]

It's an amazing wonderful life not being under the influence eh? So happy for you!!

[splitimage]

Being sober sure beats the alternative. I'm really happy for you.

--splitimage