[carcrashonrepeat]

I have been sober from marijuana for about seven months, which is fine. I've taken a break before but it hasn't worked but I am in a sobriety group. Because of my usage, my former T realized that I was self-medicating to treat symptoms of MI. So I think I'll always have some kind of craving until I get psych eval and meds, which won't be for another month or two.

I was sober from alcohol for seven months until Mother's Day. I had my first drink and felt horrible about it. This was at dinner with my mom. I realized as I was drinking that this was the first time I've been around my mom for a long time sober. Prior to my sobriety, I had always been buzzed or high around her. I've done this since I was in college. And now it's weird for me. Granted, I live with her and while this is okay but I'd much rather be on my own (a goal I'm trying to work towards). Whenever I live with someone else I eventually just get to a point where I wish they weren't there. But being with my mom, I feel irritable. And I wonder if because I don't have my normal buffers anymore this is the case.

I also haven't been around my old friends much either. They drink and smoke pot. While I've been able to sustain, because these were self-medicating vices, it feels different for me. On the one hand I don't want to see them and on the other, I do once I'm medicated.

Anyone have similar issues? How did you cope?

I understand and I will keep it short, but this was confusing at first, but now it makes perfect sense for Me after being sober for one year.

Congrats by the way.

"Healing is a matter of breaking the dysfunctional patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that are causing you difficulty and distress. It’s not easy to change lifelong habits. Choosing to pause, reflect, and then act in new ways will feel unnatural and uncomfortable at first. But with time you’ll form new habits that help you maintain your emotional balance and stay in control."

My comments after that quote is nothing but diarrhoea of the mouth...

I went through a lemon water stage for about 5 months.. it helped me to fool my mind so socialising was interesting.

Apart from the quote, I learned to deal with it my way and knowing how stubborn an ex drinker is, you need to find your healthy '
Substitute.

Making lists was useless at the time, but it showed me how much of a problem drinking is.

Btw, don't go back. I've now got liver cirrhosis. Believe me on how serious it is for people like you & me. Amazingly I lost a ton of weight. Yippee

[Teddy Bear]

You may need to change friends but good luck finding new ones and staying sober

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by Teddy Bear

You may need to change friends but good luck finding new ones and staying sober

I have been working on this. To most new friends, I am just a guy who doesn't drink. I have come out to some though. I recently did (mentioned in check in thread) because I want to start going to a social but not be tempted, so I came out to someone who pretty much always goes and asked him if he would be my safety person. He is good with it. If I were to order a drink, he would speak up.

I took up SUP paddling, partly for my health and partly because I enjoy paddling. It turns out that there are a number of local groups, formal and informal, that get together and paddle. It's nearly always social also. So I am meeting a lot of new people.

Another thing that is kind of cool is that I have lost a lot of weight, but people who have met me recently don't know me as a porky guy who lost weight. I am just a little guy who doesn't drink. Those have been goals, so I like hanging out with these new friends.

[carcrashonrepeat]

Thanks to everybody for posting. It means a lot to me because I feel alone in this. I go to a weekly sobriety group but we haven't met in a couple of weeks.

Originally Posted by 2ISAB

I understand and I will keep it short, but this was confusing at first, but now it makes perfect sense for Me after being sober for one year.

Congrats by the way.

"Healing is a matter of breaking the dysfunctional patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that are causing you difficulty and distress. It’s not easy to change lifelong habits. Choosing to pause, reflect, and then act in new ways will feel unnatural and uncomfortable at first. But with time you’ll form new habits that help you maintain your emotional balance and stay in control."

My comments after that quote is nothing but diarrhoea of the mouth...

I went through a lemon water stage for about 5 months.. it helped me to fool my mind so socialising was interesting.

Apart from the quote, I learned to deal with it my way and knowing how stubborn an ex drinker is, you need to find your healthy '
Substitute.

Making lists was useless at the time, but it showed me how much of a problem drinking is.

Btw, don't go back. I've now got liver cirrhosis. Believe me on how serious it is for people like you & me. Amazingly I lost a ton of weight. Yippee

Where was the original quote from? It's something I have to return to and read.

I think adopting new habits is something I've just had to do anyway. With MI and autoimmune disorders j've had to adopt completely new ways of living my life and it is still an uphill battle. It's been that way for 8 years, and my recent sobriety has been like ripping off a bandaid, where my symptoms are amplified. I feel like I'm beyond the lemon water at this point, although I do find kombucha and soda water relaxing. Unfortunately, it doesn't feel like enough right now. I've always known drinking was wrong, even when I relapsed it was emotionally triggered. Much of my disorder is tied to intrusive, compulsive thinking and sometimes behavior/habits. So when I'm in a social situation, I'm faced with the anxiety, depression, and sometimes mild manic episodes that I could just blame on being high. That's what I'm struggling with.

Originally Posted by Teddy Bear

You may need to change friends but good luck finding new ones and staying sober

Ugh. I hate that this might be right but I feel it in my heart this might be the case. I don't think I'm going to give them up as they have been understanding but I doubt I'll see them as much as I like. I've moved back to my hometown where I don:t know anybody. Everybody at work gets drunk or high so that's a no for me. I'm getting back into church as faith has been a guiding light through my sobriety, and as time moves on I think I'll find my way. Thanks!

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

I have been working on this. To most new friends, I am just a guy who doesn't drink. I have come out to some though. I recently did (mentioned in check in thread) because I want to start going to a social but not be tempted, so I came out to someone who pretty much always goes and asked him if he would be my safety person. He is good with it. If I were to order a drink, he would speak up.

I took up SUP paddling, partly for my health and partly because I enjoy paddling. It turns out that there are a number of local groups, formal and informal, that get together and paddle. It's nearly always social also. So I am meeting a lot of new people.

Another thing that is kind of cool is that I have lost a lot of weight, but people who have met me recently don't know me as a porky guy who lost weight. I am just a little guy who doesn't drink. Those have been goals, so I like hanging out with these new friends.

Congrats! What's SUP paddling?

[ArchieAus]

I shot speed for about 5 years ( flipped one drug for another most of my life while always achieving in life outwardly ) It had its advantages , could work for hours and hours a day and my mind was pretty clear most of the time . I wouldn't recommend it of course . When I gave it away I found that I didn't really feel an emotional bond with other people anymore . I can fake it easy enough . When I see someone that needs emotional support I know what to say to appear I empathise with them , but I don't actually feel that empathy. That was about 15 years ago now and I still feel the same so would call it a permanent change. I wouldn't call in a problem or a disadvantage , it is just what it is . Think it might have re wired my brain , but that's ok . It actually has its advantages .

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by carcrashonrepeat

Congrats! What's SUP paddling?

Nice guy answer:
Stand Up Paddleboard

Smartass answer:
LMGTFY

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by ArchieAus

I shot speed for about 5 years ( flipped one drug for another most of my life while always achieving in life outwardly ) It had its advantages , could work for hours and hours a day and my mind was pretty clear most of the time . I wouldn't recommend it of course . When I gave it away I found that I didn't really feel an emotional bond with other people anymore . I can fake it easy enough . When I see someone that needs emotional support I know what to say to appear I empathise with them , but I don't actually feel that empathy. That was about 15 years ago now and I still feel the same so would call it a permanent change. I wouldn't call in a problem or a disadvantage , it is just what it is . Think it might have re wired my brain , but that's ok . It actually has its advantages .

What are the advantages? I mostly feel bad that I can"t empathise with people like that. But I also wonder if I'm just sensitive to how other people feel around me and I just adopt their moods or attitudes. But when I'm honestly with another person - like my mom - me just being me which feels unaffected. Or maybe it's numbness? I'm not sure yet.

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

Nice guy answer:
Stand Up Paddleboard

Smartass answer:
LMGTFY

Honestly I saw paddling and thought it was some kind of kinky thing so I didn't google it right away. But I do appreciate the smartass answer... smartass

This looks pretty chill. I had been considering canoeing or rowing as a good activity for me, particularly since I've been sedentary for these past couple of months. I'll need some kind of inflatable vest or something since I can't swim.

How would you get on a paddle like that? Do you get to do it year round where you live?

[greentires4me]

Well i agree with others find people who aren't users...of your drug in choice of course.

Background on me:

I started drinking alcohol @13 and stopped around 31 and this year will mark 3 years sober. Its never been the easiest of choices I have had to stand my ground to my sister who i watched fall into the same trap as myself and shes 6 years younger than me. my mother condones it but doesn't or never condones my usage i know double standard. I never be okay with others drinking around me but some will i get that but they have to respect me in my terms of sobriety. Gotta use boundaries as much as its hard enough you must employ them around your mother, which probably made you use in the start if not just for MI issues.

I wish you to the moon and back that you can do this!!!

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by carcrashonrepeat

Honestly I saw paddling and thought it was some kind of kinky thing so I didn't google it right away. But I do appreciate the smartass answer... smartass

This looks pretty chill. I had been considering canoeing or rowing as a good activity for me, particularly since I've been sedentary for these past couple of months. I'll need some kind of inflatable vest or something since I can't swim.

How would you get on a paddle like that? Do you get to do it year round where you live?

I suggest you learn how to swim. You can get a type III vest that makes it easy to paddle while wearing. It isn't all that puffy and has big arm holes. You will fall in a lot on your first few trips.

For about 4 or 5 months a year you would need a wet suit here. For a long weekend or taking a few days off, you can get to warm water/weather in about 8 to 10 hours of driving in the winter. Lots of people go year around here. It doesn't take long to get good enough at it that falls are rare if you are just doing recreational paddling.

There are wide boards (30"+) for beginners that are pretty easy to balance. I have paddled some fast race boards down to 24" that are really tricky. This time of year and for the next few months, falling in feels good.

EDIT - on topic with this thread, I have been in canoe and kayak clubs and neither had outings as frequently and usually not as much a social.

[bizi]

I scheduled myself off for memorial day.....
We have been invited to a BBQ gathering. There will be much drinking going on. I will bring my tea/mug and stevia sweetener to hold onto something for a buffer.
I went to lunch with a friend and had a pleasant enough time we said we would do that again. It is easy to have lunch and not drink, still have the social anxiety issues.
bizi

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by greentires4me

Well i agree with others find people who aren't users...of your drug in choice of course.

Background on me:

I started drinking alcohol @13 and stopped around 31 and this year will mark 3 years sober. Its never been the easiest of choices I have had to stand my ground to my sister who i watched fall into the same trap as myself and shes 6 years younger than me. my mother condones it but doesn't or never condones my usage i know double standard. I never be okay with others drinking around me but some will i get that but they have to respect me in my terms of sobriety. Gotta use boundaries as much as its hard enough you must employ them around your mother, which probably made you use in the start if not just for MI issues.

I wish you to the moon and back that you can do this!!!

Thank you for sharing this. It's super hard with my mom too because she isn't good at establishing boundaries herself. Also she's not a drinker, to be clear. The time I relapsed she had a glass of wine because it was a special occasion. And I actually started off the dinner with a nonalcoholic drink. I think we're just very different people. I live with her, which means i see her often enough that it annoys me. I'm not very good at light conversation, which is what I have to do with her. Our relationship is better when I'm not seeing her on a regular basis. By the time we had dessert, I ordered a drink because that has been the only way to feel comfortable around her. I also realize I've done this with others, even others who don't drink. So it's very much a case of me quelling my own social anxiety.

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

I suggest you learn how to swim. You can get a type III vest that makes it easy to paddle while wearing. It isn't all that puffy and has big arm holes. You will fall in a lot on your first few trips.

For about 4 or 5 months a year you would need a wet suit here. For a long weekend or taking a few days off, you can get to warm water/weather in about 8 to 10 hours of driving in the winter. Lots of people go year around here. It doesn't take long to get good enough at it that falls are rare if you are just doing recreational paddling.

There are wide boards (30"+) for beginners that are pretty easy to balance. I have paddled some fast race boards down to 24" that are really tricky. This time of year and for the next few months, falling in feels good.

EDIT - on topic with this thread, I have been in canoe and kayak clubs and neither had outings as frequently and usually not as much a social.

I have childhood trauma around learning how to swim but I want to. This would be a great reason to get motivated. It sounds like fun. And it looks relaxing... once you know how to stay on the paddle But falling into the water sounds fun too.

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by bizi

I scheduled myself off for memorial day.....
We have been invited to a BBQ gathering. There will be much drinking going on. I will bring my tea/mug and stevia sweetener to hold onto something for a buffer.
I went to lunch with a friend and had a pleasant enough time we said we would do that again. It is easy to have lunch and not drink, still have the social anxiety issues.
bizi

I assume you're going with a partner to the bbq outing? Do they drink also? How do they address your sobriety, especially with events like this one?

I ask because I've been in relationships where if I was sober the relationship would not work because the guys I dated were heavy drinkers.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by carcrashonrepeat

I assume you're going with a partner to the bbq outing? Do they drink also? How do they address your sobriety, especially with events like this one?

I ask because I've been in relationships where if I was sober the relationship would not work because the guys I dated were heavy drinkers.

yes my husband drinks and will not be monitoring my drinking.

He doesn't think I am an alcoholic.
I have multiple addictions, food alcohol internet which is particularly difficult to manage.
Today I binged at the BBQ. I over ate chips and ice cream.
sigh
bizi
at least I did not drink!

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by carcrashonrepeat

I have childhood trauma around learning how to swim but I want to. This would be a great reason to get motivated. It sounds like fun. And it looks relaxing... once you know how to stay on the paddle But falling into the water sounds fun too.

I went to an outing this afternoon and met a few more people. I really didn't realize how many paddling get togethers there were around here; a lot of socializing around SUPs.

[bizi]

That is great up down!
bizi
I just started looking for meet up groups in my area. lots of mom things....

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

I went to an outing this afternoon and met a few more people. I really didn't realize how many paddling get togethers there were around here; a lot of socializing around SUPs.

You know whats awesome? I work next door from a surf shop that sells paddles. They also have SUP yoga classes. I'm going to make it my goal to learn how to swim this summer and hopefully by August see if I could rent a paddle.

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by bizi

yes my husband drinks and will not be monitoring my drinking.

He doesn't think I am an alcoholic.
I have multiple addictions, food alcohol internet which is particularly difficult to manage.
Today I binged at the BBQ. I over ate chips and ice cream.
sigh
bizi
at least I did not drink!

It's hard to manage multiple addictions.

Before restricting my diet even further, ice cream and chips were my comfort/go-to foods. This was after I went completely gluten free, most outings meant I'd have to stock up on chips and stuff myself with ice cream. Now, I can't eat potatoes or dairy. Food is community, essentially, so when we have issues around food it can be difficult. Alcohol is a major social lubricant, which you did not partake in so big kudos to you. I don't think I'm at a phase in my sobriety where I can hang out at a bbq and be okay.

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by carcrashonrepeat

It's hard to manage multiple addictions.

Before restricting my diet even further, ice cream and chips were my comfort/go-to foods. This was after I went completely gluten free, most outings meant I'd have to stock up on chips and stuff myself with ice cream. Now, I can't eat potatoes or dairy. Food is community, essentially, so when we have issues around food it can be difficult. Alcohol is a major social lubricant, which you did not partake in so big kudos to you. I don't think I'm at a phase in my sobriety where I can hang out at a bbq and be okay.

I think I could be okay at a BBQ or whatever, but I like to have a safety person. I came out about my substance abuse to the organizer of the Wednesday night paddle I attend pretty regularly because they often go to a bar and grill afterwards and I wold like to join them sometimes. He is good with being my safety person and will speak up if needed. Deja vu - I amy have mentioned this earlier...

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

I think I could be okay at a BBQ or whatever, but I like to have a safety person. I came out about my substance abuse to the organizer of the Wednesday night paddle I attend pretty regularly because they often go to a bar and grill afterwards and I wold like to join them sometimes. He is good with being my safety person and will speak up if needed. Deja vu - I amy have mentioned this earlier...

It bears repeating. At least for me. It's something to consider in the long run.

How would you go about asking someone? Would the safety person remain sober also?

[bizi]

I have another BBQ to go to this evening at 4pm. I have a 6-pack of stevia sweetened root beer, cooling in the fridge. We picked up some brocolli salad from whole foods yesterday to bring. It looked kind of wilted hope it is still ok today!
Just got back from breakfast at IHOP. Man it was good. I had a cheese omelet with salsa and hot sauce, and an order of swedish crepes with lingonberries. They are a tart little berry and delicious!
Raked up a small barrel of magnolia leaves from the front yoard.
We accidentally left on the sprinkler last night so the back yard looked flooded this morning. OPPS!

Now I need to take my meds. I did not take all of my supplements and vitamins last night...I just said screw it and took the prescription ones. I feel the same way today. Just rx meds. maybe I will just take all of those supplements during the week and not take them on the weekends.
I don't know if they help me or not. I have been taking them for years, just lately added a few more.
have a great day!
bizi

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by carcrashonrepeat

It bears repeating. At least for me. It's something to consider in the long run.

How would you go about asking someone? Would the safety person remain sober also?

Safety person does drink if they want, but probably not to really being drunk.

The person I asked I have sort of gotten to know at the paddling sessions, so I was pretty sure he would be a good choice to ask. Here is the opening FB message I sent him:

I may make it over to [barr & grill name] after some future paddles, but I have to ask a big favor. In 2 days, I will be 11 months sober. When I go somewhere for food and drinks, I prefer that someone there know that I shouldn't drink. It keeps it from being a temptation if I know someone will bust my chops.

[bizi]

This is a good note, however:

Just remember it is not his responsibility to not let you drink, it is yours.

You have ownership.

bizi
p.s. I think you are doing great!
(((((HUGS)))))