Daily Check In #3

Thanks for asking childofchaos. The rest of the day was a disaster. I ordered a case of beer & drank most of it. Finished it this morning. Now I'm struggling with sobering up, and trying not to order more today. I'm just a mess right now. Fortunately I'm getting good support from my friends.

splitimage

I'm sorry. Is there anything else you can do that you haven't already tried? When do you see your addictions doc?

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Thanks childofchaos. Unfortunately I don't see my addictions Dr. for a couple of weeks.


Well yesterday was not a success, I wound up ordering more and drinking. As a result I'm feeling pretty ugh this morning, but am craving more like crazy. I'm going to do my best to stay sober today. Typically Sun. I call friends, so that'll help, and I'm going to arrange to meet a friend at a SMART Recovery meeting tonight, so I'll have something to look forward to and a reason to stay sober.

splitimage

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time, splits.

Thanks UpDownAround,

Well resisted the temptation to go out to a restaurant for a few drinks with lunch. Called a friend instead.

I just need to make it another 3 hours, 'til the liquore stores close which ends the possibility of ordering in, and tomorrows a stat holiday so they'll be closed.

Haven't found anyone will to go to the SMART recovery meeting with me, but I'm still going to go. I'm bribing myself with the fact that it will be in a building with air conditioning.

splitimage

I am sorry split that you are having problems.
wondering if you went to the smart recovery meeting and how it went.
bizi

here is the link for their site and they have a 24/7 chat room.
SMART Recovery | Self-Help Addiction Recovery

Forums -

HAMS Alcohol Harm Reduction Forum
above is the link to HAMS site
they believe in a harm reduction learning to moderate your drinking.

Day 24 and still going strong. There has been desire to masturbate today but I will do something different, communicate with God. It does help when the answer is spiritual.

Thanks Bizi,

Well I managed to stay sober yesterday so today is day 2. I didn't make it to the SMART meeting. I couldn't find anyone to go with me, and decided I didn't want to spend 90 min each way in the heat on transit.


Today will be easier. It's a holiday here so the liquor stores are closed. So my only option if I want to drink, is to go out to a bar, and that's easier for me to talk myself out of.


I'm going to work on a job application today, and hopefully get some knitting in.

splitimage

Hey @splitimage are you on disability?

It’s BC day here all my memories on Facebook are me getting plastered. None of my friends are awake or they tried to bother me at 11pm when I was already sleeping. And my leg was not going to cooperate because it was all numb.

I broke my light the other day when I was throwing knives at the wall when I was seriously pissed off at dicks in my building.

I have been so close to picking up drinking like it’s candy.

greentires4me, yeah I'm on disability (ODSP) but I want to try to get back to work, at least something part time if I can. I could really use the extra money.

Sorry you're struggling with wanting to pick up. I'm right there with you, and sorry you're friends were bugging you last night - that's a PITA.

Try to enjoy the day. It's a holiday here in ON too.

splitimage

Made it through yesterday without drinking although it was really hard. I so wanted to go out to a bar, but I resisted. Fortunately I got to talk to my cousin who's in recovery, and she's offered to talk to me later about how she dealt with shame and guilt and self forgiveness. She says it's an area she did a lot of work on, and she's a peer councilor so she's used to helping people so that will be helpful.

Didn't manage to apply to the job yesterday or get any knitting done, too weepy. May try to apply to the job today.

Go back to IOP tomorrow. Hope to have my emotions more under control by then. Today's challenge is once again staying sober.

splitimage

Well I screwed up and drank again yesterday, so it's day 1 again. Can't go to IOP, because you have to be 24 hours sober, but I'll still go see my T, go to acupuncture, which I badly need, and then Divine Diva's, and then I'm meeting a friend, who doesn't drink when she's with me, so today will be safe.

I'm just still really sad.

splitimage

I hope you had a better day, Splits.

Thanks UpDownAround,

I did have a better day yesterday.


I at least talked with one of my councilors at IOP. Then I went down to the hospital for my appointment with my T. That was the bad part, she'd called in sick and no one thought to call me, so I sat around waiting for half an hour until someone found me, and told me she was sick. But it wasn't a total waste. I went for acupuncture, much needed, and it was really good. Totally took my cravings away. And then I went to Divine Diva's. The content was really interesting, but I'm not sure about the other participants - it's a low barrier to entry group, and a lot of the women were definitely functioning at a lower level than I am. I'll go to a couple more sessions to see how it is.

Then I went out for dinner with my friend and had fettuccine Alfredo - definitely not on my diet, but it was so yummy. And no urges to drink.


Today it's back to IOP, and then on to an appointment to see my pdoc. That'll be good. It's been about 7 weeks since I've seen him, so I'm overdue for an appointment.

So day 2 today, and I'm feeling pretty confident I can make it through the day without drinking.

splitimage

Had a good day yesterday.

Went to IOP and it was good. Checked with the counselor as to how many days I have left, as I'd lost count, and I only have 2 days left, so my last day is Mon. I'm kind of relieved about that, but sad to be finishing at the same time.

Then went down to my appointment, and told him about my implosion and relapse, and he actually said I handled it pretty well. That it wasn't a surprise I relapsed with everything going on, but at least I limited the damage and pulled out of it within a week, so from his perspective it was a success. (?) That did make me feel better.


Today's day 3 and still no desire to drink. I'm going back in for acupuncture again, after IOP.

splitimage

I find it weird how a lot of people have a machine that they use when they wake up in the morning to extract alkaloids from coffee beans to put into their bloodstream before they go to work.

There's also "coffee breaks" by law.

Imagine if someone was like "Hey, I gotta go take a cocaine break, do you mind?".

Desoxyn, That would be weird, but I'm pretty sure that people use "coffee breaks" for plenty of things other than coffee.

Well didn't make it down to IOP yesterday. I was having GI problems in the morning, and taking an immodium didn't help, so I had to stay home. So I'll finish IOP on Wed.


But I used the time at home productively. I got in touch with The Yellow Door which is another social services agency that offers services to people with addiction or mental health issues. And I figured out how I can get three double recovery meetings in a week. And I also figured out for now, what other groups I'm going to do, and when I'm going to go for accupuncture, so I have a tentative schedule, which makes me feel better, and makes it much more likely that I'll stay sober.

Looking forward to getting some much needed cleaning done this weekend.

splitimage

I did a header on wednesday from heat exhaustion....gave myself a concussion.

i am 93 days away from 40 months away milestone....what it says on my sober app...and tomorrow is 3 years 1 month...

congrats greentree!
bizi
Split, is your accupuncture covered under insurance? Is it expensive, I am considering trying it out.
thanks

Greentires, yikes on the concussion - hope you're ok. It's been so crazy hot everywhere this year. And congratulations on your anniversary tomorrow.

Bizi - insurance in Canada works very differently from the US. We have public insurance for most things medical. Accupuncture is not normally covered by public health insurance, but this clinic is provincially funded as part of an addictions reduction strategy initiative, so it is covered.


Some people who have supplemental insurance through their jobs,have coverage for acupuncture, but it's usually limited to around 500 / year.

Best thing to do is check with your insurance company.

splitimage