Daily Check In #4

If the kratom gives me depersonalization/derealzation, I'm going to make a resolution to quit drugs for 2-5 years (So I have a goal instead of forever yknow?).

Cuz it's like any drug that I do, I get bad reactions to them. Psychedelics, stimulants, opiates, dissociatives, gabaminergics, entactogens, weed, etc...

I think it should be legal for any adult to do what ever drug they want - But also that anyone should be ok to quit drugs completely and that's ok too and should be respected..

I'll speak to you as an alcoholic, for me if I drink it's jails, institutions or death. If I don't drink I have friends, online and offline. I take all the prescribed drugs I'm supposed to take, because that's what is good for me and it makes me feel balanced. Alcohol is an expensive and terrible psych med. I lost control and I'm powerless over alcohol.

January 2nd, 2021 I began year 5 of no alcohol, none. And I lived & breathed for the stuff, daily. The garbage keeps calling out to me lately. I'm too bored & unhappy. I need to protect my sobriety..

Congratulations on your 5 years, that's fantastic. I can totally get being triggered by boredom. I know when I'm bored I want to drink. But we both know that's not a solution. Is there anything that you do, like hobbies, of things you want to learn? There are a ton of on-line courses, many of them free or relatively low cost. There are also on-line sobriety support meetings. I know AA and SMART recovery are both running on-line meetings.


Don't give up, nothing is worth going back to drinking.

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I used twice this week. I really need to not do that so they know if the lithium's working for thismanic episode.

The kratom didn't do much so I took none today. I'm slightly withdrawing from phenibut (300mg cold turkey which is absolutely nothing). I might not take any tonight because low doses are what I was taking when I had DP/DR last summer before I quit for two months.

So far I've been taking my meds as prescribed and occupying my mind with investing/cryptocurrencies/podcasts/meditation/reading stuff like that.

My last cigarette was still on August 6th 2019 and last time I drank any alcohol was last year.

I keep a spreadsheet of everything that I take because I'm obsessive and can't keep track of everything. So far it's working. No benzodiazepine in a whole week =]

An admission...I have over 10 years of sobriety from alcohol, but relapsed briefly on marijuana edibles for a few weeks. They legalized marijuana for recreational use last year & I got curious. I found myself getting high from morning until night within days. It became like a treadmill...I couldn't maintain a high that was satisfying & my mental health began to suffer.

With alcohol, the old "one's too many and a hundred ain't enough" knowledge is burned into my brain. I still attend AA (on Zoom these days), and remember the blackouts & everything I "gave away" due to my drinking. The thought of a drink doesn't appeal to me at all, but marijuana (after all these years) sounded innocent enough. It took that weed relapse to remind me that addiction is addiction. Although my relapse only lasted a few weeks, that brief encounter reminded me of what slavery to substances feels like. I was planning my days around getting high. I beat myself up for quite a while after that relapse, but now try to use it as a tool to remember what things were like when I was abusing multiple substances years ago. In AA's Big Book, the Promises say that one "will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it." My reminder was valuable.

Congratulations on your sobriety from alcohol.

I'm sorry you had the relapse on marijuana I can totally see how it would happen, especially with it being legalized. Glad you were able to limit it to a couple of weeks.

My addictions Dr. says every relapse is a learning experience. Sounds like you learned a lot from your experimentation,


I'm sober just over 2 years from alcohol, and have been tempted on occasion to try pot. Your post helped me remember why it would be a bad idea, so thank you.

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I have cut down my drinking a lot compared to how I used to be, but I'm still drinking one or two a day.

Good job Little Earthquakes, you have made a lot of progress!

Keep up the good work!

Today I double-masked & attended my first in person AA meeting since March. I've been doing Zoom meetings, but they've lost their luster over time. Oh, man! Walking into the Alano Club & sitting down with others of my ilk was wonderful! I'd forgotten how much I missed the Club & the familiar faces within! (They're limiting the size of meetings to 10 - first come, first served.)

I didn't mention my recent edible weed relapse, but I'll rationalize & just stick to the Third Tradition..."The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop DRINKING." I learned my lesson from the relapse & I'll leave it there. I hope that isn't too dishonest.

Good job, LittleEarthquakes

I just got back from an in-person AA meeting. As I posted before, I've been sticking to Zoom meetings since March, but started Monday & Thursday in-person (double-masking, of course). It's wonderful to be back.

We have quarterly Zoom business meetings, and yesterday I found out that probation officers here have been accepting screen shots of Zoom meetings as proof of AA attendance. That's just wrong! Folks should have the right to remain anonymous. Taking pictures of people in meetings has the potential to create major problems for attendees.

I agree - that's a major problem. The whole point of the program is anonymity. I know I'd definitely be annoyed if someone took my picture in a meeting.

I use so much of my time trying to be better - And the only way to do that is go into some form of psychosis? It can't be a slow bleed for me cuz I'm not easily surprised and easily go into psychosis from too much stress. But I feel like I'm going to go into a dark place - As much as I want to be positive. I subconsciously want pain and hold onto faith.

first of all I have to say I am stunned an amazed that I got into a situation just under a year ago. That I ended up having a problem with smoking crystal meth. I never in my whole life thought that I would be someone.
That had something like this happen to them.

All I can say is it is rough I know that there is a desire for me to wanna do it again, but I am too proud of myself, that I have kept myself clean and detoxing off all this nasty stuff.

And I am not about to my life back in the place where it was.

You should be proud of yourself. I've read that meth is one of the most addictive & alluring drugs there is. Putting the plug in the jug was hard enough for me!

There was an advertisement on my Facebook feed the other night for a drug that was supposed to help you drink less. Yeah...that would work in my case! I had to laugh, since I've accepted my alcoholism & know that one drink wouldn't do the job to my satisfaction.

Do you do zoom calls?

What's your forbidden food?