Daily Check In #4

greentires4me · Feb 23, 2021 at 06:16 AM

I had a minor set back i drank a tall can of someberry cider. A friend drove me crazy with demands she demanded that i take her dog out for sh.t break. She was the one who fed it cesar dog food. And blamed it on me. I got mad at her on the phone and said i was long way off and wasn't in the vacinity to take her dog out for a crap. I said i wasnt the one who fed her dog cesar...thats on you. And do you mind stop yelling at me, thats all you do when you have a problem is that you yell at your friends. No wonder no one wants to hang out with you anymore. I have better things to do then listen to your lame problems that arent mine.

So i am not starting my sobriety over again it was just a blip. One drink that didnt make me drink the rest.

This friend needs to grow up were not teenagers anymore. Were adults...and soon i was thinking of changing the password to 5G on wifi...to treat her a lesson.

buddha1too · Feb 23, 2021 at 11:43 AM

Hello, greentires4me. While I've got a pretty big chunk of sobriety from alcohol, I don't count my days or anniversaries because I know I've gone back out in the past. I know many who post here don't like AA, but people in the program give out coins to mark anniversaries. The only coin I have is a 24 hour coin. Today is the only guarantee I've got. I'm glad you were able to stop at one cider. I know, however, that it can be a slippery slope if you try to replicate that. Today is a new day. Keep on keeping on!

childofchaos831 · Feb 23, 2021 at 12:38 PM

I have 4 days clean right now. Wanting to get a sponsor but don't know about the mental illness stuff and who to ask.

buddha1too · Feb 23, 2021 at 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

I have 4 days clean right now. Wanting to get a sponsor but don't know about the mental illness stuff and who to ask.

Congratulations on your clean time. I don't know what program you attend, but in AA people usually give phone numbers to newcomers at their first meeting - use those numbers. If that didn't happen, try not to feel shy about asking folks for their numbers (I know...easier said than done!). Other than that, I'd simply suggest hitting the same meetings for awhile, listening for people whose messages you can relate too. Sometimes picking a sponsor to soon can be a mistake.

As far as mental illness goes, you can share as much, or as little, as you feel comfortable with at first. Most alcoholics & addicts have done enough crazy shite in their using days that the chances of shocking them are pretty slim!

Good luck with your progress. Keep us posted, childofchaos.

childofchaos831 · Feb 23, 2021 at 08:19 PM

@buddha1too I prefer NA but my home group doesn't have any women who are currently taking on new sponsees. I've done both programs before... just done some of the steps through AA though. I asked a woman from the AA group I go to regularly earlier today, and we are gonna start working together. We'll see how this goes.

buddha1too · Feb 23, 2021 at 11:42 PM

Great news, childofchaos! Having someone to confide in really helped me in early sobriety. While people sponsor folks differently, my first sponsor didn't rush me through the steps. Getting to know him gave me a firm foundation to work with. I know it's trite, but I feel the first word of the first step is the most important to my sobriety..."We." I can't stay sober alone.

Please keep us posted. I know it's tough struggling with addiction in addition to mental illness; I still go through rough patches. I hope you have great luck getting to know this woman.

Desoxyn · Feb 28, 2021 at 12:05 AM

It's going to be hard for me to sleep tonight because I didn't take phenibut today. I've been taking it every day for months - So I'll take a full zopiclone.

I was feeling perfect today - But I took a microdose to see if I would continue feeling better because I thought that taking one a few days ago was contributing to how I felt today - Like a catch 22 or w/e.

I started feeling mentally weak and my thoughts were meaningless - Yet depersonalized so I smoked the evening weed + 0.25mg of clonazepam and felt better.

So yeah... It could be because of taking kratom yesterday as well I'm not sure.

I just don't want to feel spacey. I felt like today, I was doing so good (Especially compared to yesterday and the day before that where I was feeling apathy and such) but I wanted to take something..

Hopefully tomorrow will be good and I'll try to not take anything and just be sober.

shovelhead · Feb 28, 2021 at 11:01 PM

Someone on a YouTube comment mentioned this cheap wine a person was drinking in a video. I looked up the alcohol percentage in the wine. Then I looked up which wines have the highest alcohol content. Australian & California wines, by the way. Why would I look this crap up when I'm 4 entire years sober from alcohol.

childofchaos831 · Mar 01, 2021 at 06:14 AM

...

buddha1too · Mar 01, 2021 at 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shovelhead

Someone on a YouTube comment mentioned this cheap wine a person was drinking in a video. I looked up the alcohol percentage in the wine. Then I looked up which wines have the highest alcohol content. Australian & California wines, by the way. Why would I look this crap up when I'm 4 entire years sober from alcohol.

Crazy, right? I was a beer drinker & even after all these years sober I still react to light beer commercials. "Great taste? Who would care about taste!?" When I was drinking I'd just look at the alcohol content listed on the cans. No problem if it tasted like cat urine as long as the alcohol percentage was the highest! You might have a problem if...

I've been wondering how you were doing, childofchaos. Ten days is a long time! Congrats! I hope things are going welll with the woman you decided to talk with in AA.

Bill3 · Mar 01, 2021 at 11:33 AM

Great job childofchaos831!

Desoxyn · Mar 01, 2021 at 08:57 PM

I want to buy isopropylphenidate cuz I'm so tired but I know that I won't.

It would have been likelier that I'd have bought methamphetamine if it wasn't all of a sudden being cut with isopropylbenzylamine.

So be careful @ Anyone buying meth cuz people are dying 5 fold from it recently due to cutting from lack of supply.

greentires4me · Mar 02, 2021 at 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shovelhead

Someone on a YouTube comment mentioned this cheap wine a person was drinking in a video. I looked up the alcohol percentage in the wine. Then I looked up which wines have the highest alcohol content. Australian & California wines, by the way. Why would I look this crap up when I'm 4 entire years sober from alcohol.

I used to drink two oceans merlot. I was a never found of the California or british columbia(home province) wines. Covid has made a living hell for all of us who are sober. I find it more challenging to stay sober.

buddha1too · Mar 02, 2021 at 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greentires4me

Covid has made a living hell for all of us who are sober. I find it more challenging to stay sober.

Many people are experiencing the same thing. I know you're not a fan of AA, but I know of several people in the program who lost their sobriety during the pandemic. Isolation isn't a good thing...& most meetings went to Zoom -- which isn't the same. Folks got lost along the way. I hope you're doing OK, greentires.

splitimage · Mar 03, 2021 at 08:14 AM

I'm with you greentires. With the lockdowns and stay at home orders, I'm very isolated. I often think of drinking. The only thing that's saved my sobriety are zoom recovery meetings - non 12-step and frequent contact with my addictions Dr.

Hang in there - this period will eventually end.

~*glass_owl*~ · Mar 12, 2021 at 11:17 PM

I’m finding that it’s easier to solve problems than it used to be and I realize that sometimes it is still difficult for me to solve problems. I was trying to solve high level math and computer problems before I was sober and I hit a wall. I got sober, but early soberiety wasn’t enough to pass my class. I’m thankful to be sober today.

buddha1too · Mar 13, 2021 at 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~*glass_owl*~

I’m finding that it’s easier to solve problems than it used to be and I realize that sometimes it is still difficult for me to solve problems. I was trying to solve high level math and computer problems before I was sober and I hit a wall. I got sober, but early soberiety wasn’t enough to pass my class. I’m thankful to be sober today.

Sobriety didn't give me superpowers enough to solve math or computer problems but, like you, I am so grateful for yet another sober day. When I was still drinking, I didn't realize how much it exacerbated my mental illness & my other defects. I'm finally free.

shovelhead · Mar 15, 2021 at 02:12 AM

@greentires4me Hello! I was thinking about alcohol myself. But immediately I remember what a piece of rotten garbage I was as a drunk. Mostly I remember how utterly stupid I became while intentionally drinking 10 shots of whiskey with beer chasers. Falling face down on sidewalk drunk. Pitiful & pathetic. I'm not returning to that, I will not. Stay strong from the pull of alcohol, my friend!

Desoxyn · Mar 16, 2021 at 05:02 PM

I'm craving dextromethamphetamine ^-;

buddha1too · Mar 17, 2021 at 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I'm craving dextromethamphetamine ^-;

That's OK. It's perfectly normal to have cravings...it's a part of the process. Deep down, however, I think you know what the solution is. Keep fighting the good fight!

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Daily Check In #4

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childofchaos831 Elder Member Since Nov 2016 Location: Texas Posts: 5,037 8 15 hugs given	Feb 23, 2021 at 12:38 PM #263 I have 4 days clean right now. Wanting to get a sponsor but don't know about the mental illness stuff and who to ask. __________________ Diagnoses: PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain
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shovelhead Elder Member Since Jul 2017 Location: USA Posts: 5,376 (SuperPoster!) 7 189 hugs given	Feb 28, 2021 at 11:01 PM #268 Someone on a YouTube comment mentioned this cheap wine a person was drinking in a video. I looked up the alcohol percentage in the wine. Then I looked up which wines have the highest alcohol content. Australian & California wines, by the way. Why would I look this crap up when I'm 4 entire years sober from alcohol.
	Reply With Quote

childofchaos831 Elder Member Since Nov 2016 Location: Texas Posts: 5,037 8 15 hugs given	Mar 01, 2021 at 06:14 AM #269 ... __________________ Diagnoses: PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain
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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,948 15 24.1k hugs given	Mar 01, 2021 at 11:33 AM #271 Great job childofchaos831!
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Mar 01, 2021 at 08:57 PM #272 I want to buy isopropylphenidate cuz I'm so tired but I know that I won't. It would have been likelier that I'd have bought methamphetamine if it wasn't all of a sudden being cut with isopropylbenzylamine. So be careful @ Anyone buying meth cuz people are dying 5 fold from it recently due to cutting from lack of supply.
	Reply With Quote

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Mar 16, 2021 at 05:02 PM #279 I'm craving dextromethamphetamine ^-;
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