Daily Check In #4

shovelhead · Mar 22, 2021 at 01:13 AM

1 of my jerk neighbors has really been trying to pick a fight with me. He's trying to anger me. He threw something bad onto my property. Long story, but I watched him do it, then he continued driving off. This guy is really lucky I am sober from alcohol. Because I would go insane on him & end up arrested, etc. Drunk on whiskey & talking calmly, just do not go together. This idiot needs to back off me. Still I'm facing stupid conflicts & I'm years sober. Where is this wonderful life of sobriety at? Not here with me!

buddha1too · Mar 23, 2021 at 09:27 AM

As they say in AA (I'm not sure you're a fan, or not), despite our sobriety, we'll occasionally fall prey to being "powerless over people, places, & things." That's a product of being human in an imperfect world. I don't always walk around on a pink cloud of sobriety, but I certainly have more control over the things I say & do when I remain continually sober. It sounds like you're the same. I hope things improve with your neighbor. The situation you describe would certainly piss me off.

Desoxyn · Mar 23, 2021 at 10:22 PM

Occasionally take phenibut, kratom, and weed. I see them as medication?

At least now I don't think I'll buy hard drugs online anymore. I was a mess.. Such a mess. It was crazy what happened. My past drug use was so over the top that idk how I'm still alive.

buddha1too · Mar 24, 2021 at 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

At least now I don't think I'll buy hard drugs online anymore. I was a mess.. Such a mess. It was crazy what happened. My past drug use was so over the top that idk how I'm still alive.

I'm glad you can see the mess & are grateful to have lived through it. I can relate. Take care of yourself.

buddha1too · Apr 02, 2021 at 09:18 PM

No one's posting anymore. We've successfully defeated all addiction, I guess. Our job is done here!

splitimage · Apr 04, 2021 at 06:46 AM

LOL - it has been quiet. I know I'll be posting in celebration when I hit 2.5 years in a couple of weeks.

splitimage

shovelhead · Apr 09, 2021 at 01:24 AM

The thing that annoys me about addiction is i always needed more, the next day. Really gets tiresome having to replenish alcohol supply. Also tiresome hiding it from someone you live with. In my last days of drinking, all my alcohol was hidden outdoors. I had to go to great lengths. It was difficult, too. A nightmare, really..

buddha1too · Apr 09, 2021 at 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shovelhead

The thing that annoys me about addiction is i always needed more, the next day. Really gets tiresome having to replenish alcohol supply. Also tiresome hiding it from someone you live with. In my last days of drinking, all my alcohol was hidden outdoors. I had to go to great lengths. It was difficult, too. A nightmare, really..

Thanks for sharing that; it's a good reminder. Drinking was almost like a form of slavery for me. I tried to convince myself that I needed & wanted alcohol, but it owned me mind, body & soul, often telling me what to do & when to do it. By the end of my drinking, I didn't even drink around other people for fear of making an arse out of myself.

I, too, lied about my drinking & did the best I could to hide it (which generally wasn't good enough)....my former wife knew, but I still lied. I was a beer drinker; where I live there's a bottle/can deposit law. Since I'd often drink 12-16 beers in a sitting, I'd accumulate many bottles & cans before returning them. I'd be too embarrassed to take them back for a cash return because people would know I had a problem. I wasn't really hiding anything from anyone, though...

shovelhead · Apr 12, 2021 at 12:22 AM

I write these things here..I'm on year 5 now of no alcohol. But I was a slave, too. Am its slave. Someday I just might make the mistake of buying a large bottle of whiskey & continue on. Who knows, really? Life is very difficult & no guarantees...

shovelhead · Apr 12, 2021 at 12:31 AM

@buddha1too Beer is the worst! I drank beer also. It constantly has to be replenished. Because I'd need so many cans to get drunk. Then I'd need cans when I woke up for hangover. Hard liquor less hassle & easier to stash outside in a bush, lol. I was beyond being an alcoholic. I protected my supply & that was my motto. How idiotic I was..

Desoxyn · Apr 13, 2021 at 04:58 PM

I've been off the deep end! Well not anymore.. So maybe shallow waters for a few years.. With very light use of drugs.. I need to step out of the water now..

I always feel like I need to take something in order to do things - But I'll quit weed, kratom, phenibut, rare benzo use and microdosing shrooms.. At least for a while.

I'll keep chewing nicotine gum - And then I'll stop that as well. I'll keep drinking a coffee every morning until I die though maybe..

So starting today I will be sober..

Desoxyn · Apr 13, 2021 at 05:26 PM

Nicotine, coffee, meds and vitamins.

God I'm so proud of myself for doing this

buddha1too · Apr 13, 2021 at 06:24 PM

That's a great set of goals! I've watched your progress for some time now. You just made my night.

Desoxyn · Apr 14, 2021 at 07:33 PM

I found it hard to sleep last night - Restless. 400mg is the tolerant dose of phenibut which gave enough muscle relaxation to fall asleep. I'll take 350mg tonight and lower by 50mg a night.

But other than that I'm still sticking to my plans ^-;

splitimage · Apr 17, 2021 at 06:05 AM

Two and a half years sober, for me today. I'm very happy about this, as I didn't think I could make it this far, for the longest time.

buddha1too · Apr 17, 2021 at 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by splitimage

Two and a half years sober, for me today. I'm very happy about this, as I didn't think I could make it this far, for the longest time.

Sorry I'm chiming in late, but congratulations on the milestone!

Desoxyn · Apr 18, 2021 at 08:44 PM

I was wondering why I'm feeling so agitated so I took some kratom and CBD oil. Then I realize that I forgot to take the 10mg of olanzepine.

God I feel awful though. Maybe it's from the phenibut taper as well. So hopefully these things will help.

buddha1too · Apr 18, 2021 at 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I was wondering why I'm feeling so agitated so I took some kratom and CBD oil. Then I realize that I forgot to take the 10mg of olanzepine.

God I feel awful though. Maybe it's from the phenibut taper as well. So hopefully these things will help.

It's important to take prescribed meds on a regular schedule. If one doesn't, that alone can make someone feel off-kilter. The non-prescription stuff can make you feel worse...if not physically, then emotionally. You made a promise to yourself. Hang in there.

Desoxyn · Apr 18, 2021 at 10:16 PM

Ok so here's what happened (It's very hard to explain..);

I woke up and did many things today.. On the computer (Like I've been doing the past 6-7 days).. But then it was past 7pm.. and I was feeling an empty restlessness... So I measured 50mg of CBD and kratom, put them into capsules and swallowed them..

I then realized that I didn't take the olanzepine yet.. So I swallowed all of these at 7:40pm.

I lied down until 8:30pm (50 minutes) and had a deeeep mind rest.. I got out of bed and felt even worse.. Like I was going to have a panic attack.. So I put 0.25mg of clonazepam under my tongue (I never took any in ~2-3 weeks), then ate Eggos + cereal.

I feel fine now..

Desoxyn · Apr 28, 2021 at 07:32 PM

There needs to be help for addicts idk why molecules are attributed moral values to them.. Like each one.. So they're made illegal.

I'm doing fine.. Just slight use.

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Daily Check In #4

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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,031 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Mar 23, 2021 at 10:22 PM #283 Occasionally take phenibut, kratom, and weed. I see them as medication? At least now I don't think I'll buy hard drugs online anymore. I was a mess.. Such a mess. It was crazy what happened. My past drug use was so over the top that idk how I'm still alive.
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buddha1too Veteran Member Member Since Sep 2011 Posts: 746 13 2,549 hugs given	Apr 02, 2021 at 09:18 PM #285 No one's posting anymore. We've successfully defeated all addiction, I guess. Our job is done here!
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splitimage Moderator Community Support Team Member Since Mar 2006 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 11,534 18 79 hugs given	Apr 04, 2021 at 06:46 AM #286 LOL - it has been quiet. I know I'll be posting in celebration when I hit 2.5 years in a couple of weeks. splitimage __________________ "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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shovelhead Elder Member Since Jul 2017 Location: USA Posts: 5,376 (SuperPoster!) 7 189 hugs given	Apr 09, 2021 at 01:24 AM #287 The thing that annoys me about addiction is i always needed more, the next day. Really gets tiresome having to replenish alcohol supply. Also tiresome hiding it from someone you live with. In my last days of drinking, all my alcohol was hidden outdoors. I had to go to great lengths. It was difficult, too. A nightmare, really..
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shovelhead Elder Member Since Jul 2017 Location: USA Posts: 5,376 (SuperPoster!) 7 189 hugs given	Apr 12, 2021 at 12:22 AM #289 I write these things here..I'm on year 5 now of no alcohol. But I was a slave, too. Am its slave. Someday I just might make the mistake of buying a large bottle of whiskey & continue on. Who knows, really? Life is very difficult & no guarantees...
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shovelhead Elder Member Since Jul 2017 Location: USA Posts: 5,376 (SuperPoster!) 7 189 hugs given	Apr 12, 2021 at 12:31 AM #290 @buddha1too Beer is the worst! I drank beer also. It constantly has to be replenished. Because I'd need so many cans to get drunk. Then I'd need cans when I woke up for hangover. Hard liquor less hassle & easier to stash outside in a bush, lol. I was beyond being an alcoholic. I protected my supply & that was my motto. How idiotic I was..
	Reply With Quote

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,031 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Apr 13, 2021 at 05:26 PM #292 Nicotine, coffee, meds and vitamins. God I'm so proud of myself for doing this
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buddha1too Veteran Member Member Since Sep 2011 Posts: 746 13 2,549 hugs given	Apr 13, 2021 at 06:24 PM #293 That's a great set of goals! I've watched your progress for some time now. You just made my night.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,031 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Apr 14, 2021 at 07:33 PM #294 I found it hard to sleep last night - Restless. 400mg is the tolerant dose of phenibut which gave enough muscle relaxation to fall asleep. I'll take 350mg tonight and lower by 50mg a night. But other than that I'm still sticking to my plans ^-;
	Reply With Quote

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,031 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Apr 18, 2021 at 08:44 PM #297 I was wondering why I'm feeling so agitated so I took some kratom and CBD oil. Then I realize that I forgot to take the 10mg of olanzepine. God I feel awful though. Maybe it's from the phenibut taper as well. So hopefully these things will help.
	Reply With Quote

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,031 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Apr 28, 2021 at 07:32 PM #300 There needs to be help for addicts idk why molecules are attributed moral values to them.. Like each one.. So they're made illegal. I'm doing fine.. Just slight use.
	Reply With Quote