Daily Check In #4

Desoxyn · Jul 20, 2021 at 04:47 PM

Smoked weed.. I regret it - But it eliminated my pain away from the fact that it's the end of the world - Yet my thoughts or memories are unretrievable.

I'll try again tomorrow.

I'm definitely going to get rid of it somehow maybe to a friend

xIxAmxSadx · Jul 20, 2021 at 06:30 PM

Been sober from alcohol for 3 years since June. Getting triggered all the time lately though. I'm managing the thoughts but it's hard. Slowly feeling like I am no longer sober for myself and only sober to keep others happy. Need strength.

Introvrtd1 · Jul 25, 2021 at 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xIxAmxSadx

Been sober from alcohol for 3 years since June. Getting triggered all the time lately though. I'm managing the thoughts but it's hard. Slowly feeling like I am no longer sober for myself and only sober to keep others happy. Need strength.

Nice going abby…nearly 7 months for me…but I’m still going through what’s called PAWS during this stage of what I consider early in my recovery. I’ve read it takes 6 months to two years to actually recover to the point of normalcy…..At six months is usually when the beginning of healing takes place.

Hang in there abby.

Introvrtd1 · Jul 25, 2021 at 07:03 PM

Im finding that at nearly 7 months now, I’m not as recovered as I feel sometimes.☹️ Just when I think things have much improved and the paws symptoms have all but disappeared, was actually when the real healing begins. I’ve read it takes anywhere from six months out two years before symptoms can disappear entirely. ☹️ One can only hope and hang in there 🙁

Desoxyn · Aug 15, 2021 at 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Introvrtd1

Im finding that at nearly 7 months now, I’m not as recovered as I feel sometimes.☹️ Just when I think things have much improved and the paws symptoms have all but disappeared, was actually when the real healing begins. I’ve read it takes anywhere from six months out two years before symptoms can disappear entirely. ☹️ One can only hope and hang in there 🙁

Good job staying sober!

I think the quality of life that you make for yourself determines how fast that the PAWS will go away. Some peoples brains are more neuroplastic than others. Psychedelics/serotonergic antidepressants and other things increase neuroplasticity which is why they're not addictive and can prevent addiction but it can go 4 ways without improved neurogenesis/neuroplasticity;

1. Being sober and building bad habits (Fast)
2. 1 but slow
3. Being sober and building good habits (Fast)
4. 3 but slow

And four ways with a neuroplastogen, nootropic or meditation, exercise, eating healthy, good sleep, nature, aesthetic surroundings, socialization/support, meaning, distraction etc;
5. Extreme neurogenesis to cause something faster than 3
6. Extreme neurogenic stress to cause something worse than 1 (This includes addiction if psych is used)
7. Extreme neurogenesis to cause something worse than 1 (This also includes addiction if psych is used)
8. Extreme neurogenic stress to cause something better than 3

Desoxyn · Aug 15, 2021 at 05:12 PM

I drank alcohol yesterday and it made me suicidal so I'm gonna stay away from it even though I'm not addicted. I'm gonna try and stop weed as well which I'm slightly addicted to because it is a distraction to fill the void - Not like alcohol which was an attempt to see if my neurochemistry has changed enough to enjoy it.

Introvrtd1 · Aug 18, 2021 at 03:35 PM

Just checking in…230 days today 🙁

The ONE YEAR mark is just coming into view….still im the distance, but headed in the right direction.

Still have good and bad days, sleepless nights, but I press forward….It’s gettin easier…Still gettin there. 😑

splitimage · Aug 19, 2021 at 07:43 AM

Keep it up Introvrtd1, you're doing great even if it sometimes is hard.

Desoxyn · Aug 24, 2021 at 06:48 PM

I am in the realm of hungry ghost

I did quit weed though. Taking my meds as prescribed.. I want to buy fluorinated methylphenidate for cheap price but I won't..

MuddyBoots · Aug 25, 2021 at 03:58 PM

5 months clean today. I've been getting a lot of impulses to use lately just to chill out a bit, but then I remember the horrid sickness I went through and how it didn't really help. I have other ways of coping now even if they don't feel as good in the moment they feel better in the long run. Plus I'm on so many meds right now for schizoaffective I'd be afraid to add painkillers to the mix.

Desoxyn · Aug 25, 2021 at 04:26 PM

The ritalin craving went away

I feel like smoking weed but I won't

I took phenibut though to make me more social for a family gathering tonight

Desoxyn · Aug 27, 2021 at 07:58 PM

My cousin is coming to visit! Last time I saw him was when we were kids. He finished a psychology degree recently after being sober for 5+ whole years!

Before that, he smoked spice/k2 and ended up in the psych ward for a year with psychosis..

I could learn from him =] We might talk about things and I'll share it with you guys next week ^-;

Desoxyn · Sep 02, 2021 at 10:15 PM

He ended up going somewhere else instead of visiting.

Anyways, the drugs don't work.. And I think the only way to stop being dependent on drug use is to DO THINGS, WHILE feeling immense psychological pain/stress - Without any drug.

It is the only way for me. RN I'm learning about the middle east.. So learning is a good drug.. It's what I want to do but I always feel like I need something to relax or focus enough...

MuddyBoots · Sep 16, 2021 at 06:22 PM

Every September I want to go on a drinking binge. I've just noticed the pattern when I was tempted to stop at the liquor store and I realized it's been a year since I last had that urge. It's purely self destructive, I get absolutely nothing positive out of drinking and 10/10 times I end up cutting and crying. But for some reason that sounds tempting? I'm not going to. I'm on valium and loads of other meds and I'm pretty sure I'd die.
I don't know why September.

Desoxyn · Sep 18, 2021 at 04:09 PM

I'm throwing my weed away and never going to smoke it again. I'm too stoned. I don't feel anything. How could someone like this? Maybe for anxiety or pain.

I smoke it and then all of my mental pain goes away.. But I like the pain.. cuz I know that it will get me somewhere.. - But I'm too stoned to do anything (Yet I WANT to do things) and without it, I'm sober enough to do things (But DON'T WANT to do things).

It makes me not care about anything.. It's nice to feel like that sometimes I guess - So idk. Not all of the time though - And I can't seem to control it?

Or can I? idk.

shovelhead · Sep 20, 2021 at 01:13 AM

Paranoia comes creeping back into my brain. Alcohol used to ease that mess. I'm sober for years. I am so afraid alcohol caused me brain damage. But my memory is intact, which is a good sign. But I'm worried about my thinking processes, etc.

Desoxyn · Sep 25, 2021 at 02:04 PM

Much happier now. I only use phenibut, caffeine and nicotine.

Bill3 · Sep 25, 2021 at 07:44 PM

Desoxyn · Oct 04, 2021 at 05:25 PM

It's been 2 weeks since I smoked weed

Desoxyn · Oct 05, 2021 at 03:11 PM

Craving weed..

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Daily Check In #4

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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,031 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Jul 20, 2021 at 04:47 PM #361 Smoked weed.. I regret it - But it eliminated my pain away from the fact that it's the end of the world - Yet my thoughts or memories are unretrievable. I'll try again tomorrow. I'm definitely going to get rid of it somehow maybe to a friend
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xIxAmxSadx Member Member Since Oct 2012 Location: in my head Posts: 73 12 25 hugs given	Jul 20, 2021 at 06:30 PM #362 Been sober from alcohol for 3 years since June. Getting triggered all the time lately though. I'm managing the thoughts but it's hard. Slowly feeling like I am no longer sober for myself and only sober to keep others happy. Need strength. __________________
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,031 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Aug 15, 2021 at 05:12 PM #366 I drank alcohol yesterday and it made me suicidal so I'm gonna stay away from it even though I'm not addicted. I'm gonna try and stop weed as well which I'm slightly addicted to because it is a distraction to fill the void - Not like alcohol which was an attempt to see if my neurochemistry has changed enough to enjoy it.
	Reply With Quote

Introvrtd1 Member Member Since Jan 2014 Location: USA Posts: 277 10 61 hugs given	Aug 18, 2021 at 03:35 PM #367 Just checking in…230 days today 🙁 The ONE YEAR mark is just coming into view….still im the distance, but headed in the right direction. Still have good and bad days, sleepless nights, but I press forward….It’s gettin easier…Still gettin there. 😑
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splitimage Moderator Community Support Team Member Since Mar 2006 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 11,534 18 79 hugs given	Aug 19, 2021 at 07:43 AM #368 Keep it up Introvrtd1, you're doing great even if it sometimes is hard. __________________ "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,031 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Aug 24, 2021 at 06:48 PM #369 I am in the realm of hungry ghost I did quit weed though. Taking my meds as prescribed.. I want to buy fluorinated methylphenidate for cheap price but I won't..
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,031 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Aug 25, 2021 at 04:26 PM #371 The ritalin craving went away I feel like smoking weed but I won't I took phenibut though to make me more social for a family gathering tonight
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,031 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Aug 27, 2021 at 07:58 PM #372 My cousin is coming to visit! Last time I saw him was when we were kids. He finished a psychology degree recently after being sober for 5+ whole years! Before that, he smoked spice/k2 and ended up in the psych ward for a year with psychosis.. I could learn from him =] We might talk about things and I'll share it with you guys next week ^-;
	Reply With Quote

shovelhead Elder Member Since Jul 2017 Location: USA Posts: 5,376 (SuperPoster!) 7 189 hugs given	Sep 20, 2021 at 01:13 AM #376 Paranoia comes creeping back into my brain. Alcohol used to ease that mess. I'm sober for years. I am so afraid alcohol caused me brain damage. But my memory is intact, which is a good sign. But I'm worried about my thinking processes, etc.
	Reply With Quote

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,031 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Sep 25, 2021 at 02:04 PM #377 Much happier now. I only use phenibut, caffeine and nicotine.
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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,948 15 24.1k hugs given	Sep 25, 2021 at 07:44 PM #378
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,031 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Oct 04, 2021 at 05:25 PM #379 It's been 2 weeks since I smoked weed
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,031 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Oct 05, 2021 at 03:11 PM #380 Craving weed..
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