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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,939
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#161
Congratulations splitimage!!
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splitimage
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,256
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4 6,047 hugs
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#162
1 day sober...or maybe two I don't really remember. This was after two weeks so I'm thinking I can go for longer, but I'm also thinking why bother?
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Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,024
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#163
Quote:
I'm reading the book about addiction by Gabor Mate. He says that the definition of an addiction is that it has to cause harm to the user - Otherwise it's not really an addiction. No one that feels good would do something to harm themselves. You have to solve the deeper problem like possible trauma. |
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MuddyBoots
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,024
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#164
I'm not dependent on phenibut or benzos anymore.
I did take 400mg of phenibut yesterday and it gave me a panic attack so I threw it away. I also took an extra 20mg of Vyvanse on top of my 40mg which didn't help with the panic. I'm trying to take my meds as prescribed. So far it's going good. I smoked some weed today because I think that it helps me to allow myself to do things like read - Not enough to get high but instead just relaxed. |
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
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5 192 hugs
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#165
Quote:
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Desoxyn
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Member
Member Since Nov 2008
Posts: 62
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#166
Started taking phentermine (prescription) for weight loss. So far i feel pretty good, just a little anxious about the addiction potential.
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Bill3, Desoxyn
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,256
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4 6,047 hugs
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#167
Freaking out. ****ing cravings. Don't have anything in the house so that's a plus. Should've gone to the aftercare group for the program I did recently yesterday. It's Wednesdays only.
One moment at a time... |
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Desoxyn
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Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,024
(SuperPoster!)
8 4,929 hugs
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#168
Quote:
I realized that weed allows me to relax physically to sit down and read but it makes me read 5x slower. Vyvanse allows me to read without zoning out and daydreaming and having to reread lines of text every couple of seconds 5x less than without it. I'm just taking my meds as prescribed now and doing what I can. |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,256
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4 6,047 hugs
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#169
Relapsed yesterday after 42 days clean from oxy (though I have drank/done other stuff). Honestly just here again because I'm trying to not die while I come up with stuff to do. In the mood to die today for some reason. Kinda there every day, but more so ready to take action today. Think I'll go do some dishes and go for a walk, maybe apply for a new job.
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Member
Member Since Nov 2008
Posts: 62
15 |
#170
Quote:
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Member
Member Since Nov 2008
Posts: 62
15 |
#171
I took the wrong meds yesterday and now have an extra pill. I'm tempted to take 2 sometime to see if it will get me high.
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,024
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8 4,929 hugs
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#172
Craving..
Idk what I'm craving. Anything that will stop me from feeling alone and depressed. I have ketamine but I'm afraid that it will give me depersonalization or derealization. I smoked a little weed today. I feel like crap. |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,256
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4 6,047 hugs
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#173
Going on a little rant here, don't mind me.
I ****ing hate having dreams about drinking or using because then it's the first thing on my mind when I wake up and it's all I think about and I obsess. Tried making another mood chart in excel, listened to music, ate breakfast, took my meds, and not even an hour later and I'm still ****ing going crazy. I'm not even "done" I just don't want to use all my supply in a weekend. So yeah, if I could stop dreaming about sticking a needle in my veins or walking around in a liquor store that'd be great. |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,256
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4 6,047 hugs
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#174
I think I'm done.
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,256
(SuperPoster!)
4 6,047 hugs
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#176
I keep saying "it's the last time" but it never is...
At this point I don't even want to try because I'm sick of failing. |
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Desoxyn
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childofchaos831
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,024
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8 4,929 hugs
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#177
I know it seems weird for me to say this but.. I was prescribed Dexedrine - I have other controlled meds and I haven't abused them.. But I'm craving..
Craving something else.. I don't know what.. I ran out of Ashwagandha. It's not supposed to be addictive but I crave it.. For stress.. |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,024
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8 4,929 hugs
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#178
Quote:
Better than how I used to be.. |
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Moderator
Community Support Team Member Since Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,482
18 79 hugs
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#179
My addictions Dr. finally called me, after unexpectedly taking a month off, I have no reason why. So I've booked an appointment with her in a couple of weeks. And she's planning on starting zoom meetings for some of her clients. Depending on when they are, I may try to get onto one.
I'm really glad that she's back at work. splitimage |
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Desoxyn
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,256
(SuperPoster!)
4 6,047 hugs
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#180
NOTHING is working to get me through this craving. going on a walk, screaming, drawing, reading, playing with my cat, listening to music/singing/playing piano, I know it's all passing the time while this ****er passes, but I wish something would MAKE THIS FEELING GO AWAY FOR ****S SAKE. Why did I do this to myself?
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Desoxyn
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