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Bill3
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,923
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#381
Hang in there Desoxyn!
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Desoxyn
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Monster on the Hill
MuddyBoots
Bricks through the window and I think it's time I
go
Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093
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#382
I'm in a ****ton of pain and of course my first thought was painkillers. Gotta brush up on those pain management skills I guess. Maybe go back to SMARTRecovery.
__________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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Bill3, Desoxyn
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Bill3, Desoxyn
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Member
xIxAmxSadx
Listening to Dead Celebrity Status
Member Since: Oct 2012
Location: in my head
Posts: 73
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#383
Hanging in there but on a thin thread. My willpower is slowly fading and I can feel it. I remain strong and sober but I feel weak. Getting transferred to a new therapist soon so hoping I can open up more about my addiction struggles with her.
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
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#384
Trying not to smoke weed.
I feel so good right now. Why do I want to ruin it? Why do I want to ruin this?? Why? |
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Crowned "The Good Witch"
LiteraryLark
is healing
Member Since: Jun 2009
Location: Wonderland
Posts: 11,535
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#385
One day and three hours since I quit cigarettes. Today has had its moments. Tore through the car looking for cigarettes, finding myself bored and wishing I had smokes...I was paying $360 a month on cigarettes so as someone looking to live on my own thats a crap load of money I'll be saving...but I've been smoking for over ten years and the longest I've quit is five months...sigh...
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Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
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4,902 hugs
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#386
Quote:
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
(SuperPoster!)
4,902 hugs
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#387
Drugs can be funny but also can lead to death at any moment. Just like life.
But I'm 25 now... I think my time for drugs are dwindling. But I live in my own way, controlled, careful and better decision making. Harm reduction, etc. That's the way it is going - The only that it CAN go, with the rolling tides and waves of energy, washing the cosmos of inevitable pain, death, suffering in a cycle of the divine love to heal the current damage of the world. |
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
(SuperPoster!)
4,902 hugs
given |
#388
It's hard to not drink a cider because it ruins my mental health. I don't know why I still want to.
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Bill3
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Moderator
Community Support Team
splitimage
has no updates.
Member Since: Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,250
73 hugs
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#389
Hang in there Dexsoxyn, you know drinking affects you negatively.
splitimage |
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Desoxyn
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Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
(SuperPoster!)
4,902 hugs
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#390
I want this to end
I keep ignoring, procastinating - While everyone does mindless ****. It's all the same - It's all philosophy. I don't exist. I give up. Reality is pain. |
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zapatoes
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
(SuperPoster!)
4,902 hugs
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#391
No I suppose I'm ok with phenibut.
I need an antidepressant. But none of them are good. I want to go to a rave/festival. It doesn't have to be molly fun yknow.. But idk.. I've never been to one before. I have no friends to go with. I wish I was manic. A high school friend wanted me to drink alcohol because I was = quiet kid. Extremely quiet.. Just sitting there.. thinking.. All day. He looked at my math test results and was like "See he's smart", quiet doesn't mean stupid though... But I was stupid once I discovered research chemicals. It was a few years of madness. Now I read the book by neuropsychopharmacologist, "Alexander Shulgin". I find it hard to not procrastinate. It's the main reason as to why I use drugs - Cuz I try to find meaning out of suffering and stagnant lifeless mindlessness. |
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
(SuperPoster!)
4,902 hugs
given |
#392
Coffee, nicotine.. feeling sick from the nicotinie. But that's fine.
I smoked some weed and lost my novelty seeking. I tried to fix it by taking a double shot of tequila and it didn't help. Yesterday, I took some alprazolam with 2x ciders and took a 2 hour nap. So alcohol really isn't good for me. I took phenibut, 0.25mg of clonzepam, 0.25g of shrooms and an extra Vyvanse with the Dexedrine. I over did it. I think this is the max as bad as my drug use can get right now. I should have just taken nothing. I would have been much better off. I have a headache. |
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Bill3
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
(SuperPoster!)
4,902 hugs
given |
#393
I want to be sober =[
I'm doing so well but I want to buy opioids Btw I haven't had a bad day like since my last post so it's good. |
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
(SuperPoster!)
4,902 hugs
given |
#394
I haven't drank in 2 days. I was taking multiple double shots of 69% rum on New Year's Eve + Snorting my stimulant medication.
I lost my mind and became suicidal. But I stopped and will start a new year. |
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
(SuperPoster!)
4,902 hugs
given |
#395
Craving cocaine
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Bill3
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
(SuperPoster!)
4,902 hugs
given |
#396
I only crave cocaine rarely - Once every few months. The craving is gone now 0.-
Probably most important thing I've learned in rehab - Is that I don't often crave nearly as much as others and craving lasts 10 minutes or so. |
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Bill3
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
(SuperPoster!)
4,902 hugs
given |
#397
Haven't drank alcohol since. It does bad 2 me.
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Bill3
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
(SuperPoster!)
4,902 hugs
given |
#398
I had a beer at the ski hill - Harmless.
But I come home and felt like taking a double shot of 69% rum or take psilocybin or snort stim. I decided instead to smoke some high CBD flower and take 0.25mg of clonazepam.. Then maybe I can sit and read but also be relaxed while not being messed up and regret it. |
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brightemily06
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,961
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4,902 hugs
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#399
I haven't used drugs.
But I want to - And it's the weirdest thing.. There's a force (Anti-addiction?) that has been preventing me from buying any for a long time. I don't care about the force.. but I'm listening to it - Maybe it has a point. Maybe I should listen to it fully. But the world has ended many years ago. What's the point of even living when I'm like this. The only reason that I'm still living is because I fear the afterlife. I used to be an atheist. Until my big trip. I'm forever lost in an endless hell. But I'm a good person. I've done many good things.. I will continue to try and live by helping others (Once I get my mind sorted out). I can't accept my fate - Because I have hope. It's horrible. The bad trip cooked my brain like eggs. |
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Bill3
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Moderator
Community Support Team
splitimage
has no updates.
Member Since: Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,250
73 hugs
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#400
Don't let the experience of one bad trip ruin your life. Initially I didn't think I could get sober or stay sober, but I have and life is definitely better. You can do it too. Just take it one day at a time.
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Desoxyn
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Bill3, Desoxyn
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