Daily Check In #4

Desoxyn · Sep 13, 2023 at 08:16 PM

I have a rare opinion about addiction.

Short, I was an impulsive reck. And I've built my life, trying to get away from that place..

Psilocybin is definitely preferred to be done with a professional therapist.. But it happened. I advise strong caution (The most severe of cautions), as a bad trip can happen. And it did.

Many years later, I didn't focus on the drugs.. I explored, and gained/retained responsibility... Awareness.. Many things.. Spirituality etc..

I would like to make some type of career - Such as neuroscience, psychology, pharmacology (Neuropsychopharmacology) - But that is just a type of dream.

I'd like to heal my own trauma... And then help others, with their trauma..

Trauma is the cause. Most people have trauma, in this life.. Some have it so bad - So it is, that the harder the heroin is slammed, into the veins...

MuddyBoots · Sep 23, 2023 at 10:58 AM

I graduated from IOP this week. Now I'm just on the ACT co-occurring disorders treatment team (which is the basics for me so yay!

)

I became really close to someone I met in residential and he let me stay at his place for a few nights to get away from my house/neighborhood (lots of drug/alcohol use), but I have to be home Monday to see my case manager whom I will be discussing alternative living options with.

MuddyBoots · Sep 23, 2023 at 05:21 PM

"Is it me or the booze that really gets wasted?"

MuddyBoots · Sep 25, 2023 at 05:54 PM

Well, ****, I knew coming back home would be a bad idea.

MuddyBoots · Oct 05, 2023 at 01:24 PM

this isn't fun anymore. Now I just feel like a slave to the chemicals.

3rd rock · Nov 07, 2023 at 06:52 AM

I am beginning to contemplate making a self-referral to the local addictions center.

MuddyBoots · Nov 07, 2023 at 09:45 AM

splitimage · Nov 08, 2023 at 06:21 AM

I had a drunk dream lat night for the first time in ages. It was very realistic and disturbing.

MuddyBoots · Nov 23, 2023 at 02:30 PM

Tomorrow's 50 days sober

Desoxyn · Feb 07, 2024 at 10:32 PM

Simply not taking any drug that effects my heart (Mostly serotonergics are the problem - Such as psilocybin, LSD and DMT - GHB also makes heart beat weird, so no more of those).

The meds I've tried that give me heart palps are also serotonergic (Such as Zoloft, Prozac, Lexapro, Seroquel and Remeron).

Also "Tianeptine" - I threw that away.

I've been doing good - Need Hydromorph-CONTINs.. Idk.. Last summer I snorted the 10x 8mg Dilaudids, and left it as that for 6+ months.

I drank alcohol ~15 times in over a year (In all of 2022, I drank 1-2 double shots once per afternoon), and weed.

I smoked weed recently, and it made me really paranoid. I'm giving the weed (That my moms friend gave to me as a gift), as a gift to someone else.

Desoxyn · Feb 26, 2024 at 06:59 PM

When I feel bad, I reach for the ketamine.

I wish to stop doing all of these things.

I need support or I won't be able to do the things I want.

I've decided to quit now. At least I plan to stop before I turn 30.

Buffy01 · Mar 25, 2024 at 07:47 PM

it’s taken a long time to

breaking my addiction.

3rd rock · Apr 11, 2024 at 06:59 PM

I'm on the waitlist to get into a detox facility; they told me the other day it would likely be a couple more weeks until a bed becomes available. And after I complete detox, I will enter a long-term residential treatment facility. I know intellectually that's not a long time in the grand scheme of things, but sometimes I'm so desperate that it feels like 2 weeks may as well be 2 years. In the meantime, every doctor, nurse, and counselor I've spoken to has expressly told me not to stop drinking except under inpatient supervision, as alcohol is one of the worst drugs in the world to withdraw from. They tell me you can die from it.

LadyShadow · Apr 11, 2024 at 07:05 PM

10 months in Jail, 15 months in rehab, 9 months in sober living, 4 months on my own - I will be three years sober in 2 weeks and it feels absolutely surreal. My higher power has taken the urge to drink from me, and I am beyond grateful. Being in recovery has changed my life.

Loial · Apr 22, 2024 at 03:15 PM

So, my goal had been 6 cans a day, but I was struggling with having spare alcohol in the fridge.

So for the past 3 days I’ve been on 4 cans and a large bottle. It equates to just over 5 cans, so I’m really happy. I feel proud I’ve smashed this weeks goal.

MuddyBoots · May 14, 2024 at 01:51 PM

I’m slipping. I had vague memories of drinking while dissociated a couple weeks back, before that I was dissociated of the blacked out variety for weeks and when I came out of it I had track marks. I just brushed this off as a “that wasn’t me,” episode and said I’d do better. I’m, as far as I can say, not dissociating and feel like regular but depressed Sam, but still drank. Not a lot, just probably three drinks worth but it was hard liquor and I can tell it’s going to be hard to stop this ball from going down the hill.

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Daily Check In #4

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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 5,451 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,368 hugs given	Sep 23, 2023 at 05:21 PM #523 "Is it me or the booze that really gets wasted?" __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here]
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 5,451 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,368 hugs given	Sep 25, 2023 at 05:54 PM #524 Well, ****, I knew coming back home would be a bad idea. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here]
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 5,451 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,368 hugs given	Oct 05, 2023 at 01:24 PM #525 this isn't fun anymore. Now I just feel like a slave to the chemicals. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here]
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3rd rock Veteran Member Member Since May 2019 Location: Canada Posts: 568 5 6,178 hugs given	Nov 07, 2023 at 06:52 AM #526 I am beginning to contemplate making a self-referral to the local addictions center.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 5,451 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,368 hugs given	Nov 07, 2023 at 09:45 AM #527 __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here]
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splitimage Moderator Community Support Team Member Since Mar 2006 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 11,517 18 79 hugs given	Nov 08, 2023 at 06:21 AM #528 I had a drunk dream lat night for the first time in ages. It was very realistic and disturbing. __________________ "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 5,451 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,368 hugs given	Nov 23, 2023 at 02:30 PM #529 Tomorrow's 50 days sober __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here]
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,028 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Feb 26, 2024 at 06:59 PM #531 When I feel bad, I reach for the ketamine. I wish to stop doing all of these things. I need support or I won't be able to do the things I want. I've decided to quit now. At least I plan to stop before I turn 30.
	Reply With Quote