[callingforthesun]

I binge drink when I'm alone and then end up turning into a total asshole, blacking out, getting sloppy, self harming, being loud and saying a bunch of really mean ****. it didn't start out like that...it started out that a few drinks would make me feel great...it would be the only time my anxiety went away and I could be productive without second guessing absolutely everything...then something changed. I upped the ante and would drink in secret for like, the whole day...I'd end up tired and out of it and ready to pass out by like 6pm... I know the solution is to stop drinking....I just don't understand why I still want to chase that feeling I used to get when I know it will never happen and I'll just end up being an asshole and ruining my life

[WastingAsparagus]

Sorry to hear about it. Have you sought professional help like through a therapist or doctor for this?

[splitimage]

For me, when I was drinking, it served 3 purposes - to take away my near constant anxiety, to numb out so I didn't have to feel my emotions, and finally to feel "normal". By the time I quit, I was drinking so much, that I need alcohol in my system just to feel normal and function.


I knew it was bad for me, but I kept chassing that initial few moments of relaxation I'd get after a couple of drinks, but it never stopped there.

It sounds like you might be at a similar point.


I'd encourage you to talk with your Dr. about your concerns, and arrange to safely detox. They can give you meds that will help with the detox and keep you from having a seizure. And then I'd strongly urge you to seek out a treatment program, either residential or outpatient.

I also think it's important to have IRL support when quitting. There's AA, but there's also SMART Recovery, which I've heard a lot of good things about, and if you're female, Women for Sobriety, which is my program of recovery.

Admitting you may have a problem, is the first step on the road to recovery, so keep asking questions.

Please keep us updated on how it goes.

splitimage

[callingforthesun]

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

Sorry to hear about it. Have you sought professional help like through a therapist or doctor for this?

yes, I have a therapist that I've been seeing (now doing phone sessions with) for about 8 months maybe.... she thinks I should go to an AA meeting...

[callingforthesun]

Originally Posted by splitimage

For me, when I was drinking, it served 3 purposes - to take away my near constant anxiety, to numb out so I didn't have to feel my emotions, and finally to feel "normal". By the time I quit, I was drinking so much, that I need alcohol in my system just to feel normal and function.


I knew it was bad for me, but I kept chassing that initial few moments of relaxation I'd get after a couple of drinks, but it never stopped there.

It sounds like you might be at a similar point.


I'd encourage you to talk with your Dr. about your concerns, and arrange to safely detox. They can give you meds that will help with the detox and keep you from having a seizure. And then I'd strongly urge you to seek out a treatment program, either residential or outpatient.

I also think it's important to have IRL support when quitting. There's AA, but there's also SMART Recovery, which I've heard a lot of good things about, and if you're female, Women for Sobriety, which is my program of recovery.

Admitting you may have a problem, is the first step on the road to recovery, so keep asking questions.

Please keep us updated on how it goes.

splitimage

that sounds just like me... the reasons for drinking...

fortunately I don't have to detox because I wasn't drinking every day... I'd binge maybe once a month or so... I'd always feel like **** the next day and feel ashamed and more anxious so I wouldn't drink more... maybe I would have if I wasn't sure it would wreck my life...

this past time... when I was blacked out I apparently screamed some really personal **** about my partner while we were fighting (to just be an asshole? I don't even know why)...loud enough for someone in the downstairs apartment to text us... so I embarrassed and humiliated both of us as well as deeply hurting my partner... I am now so ashamed, depressed, regretful...I don't know how to come back from this. I want to hide my face for the rest of my life. all because I thought I could binge a bunch of beers and be able to handle it

[bpcyclist]

Euphoric recall is a way your addiction keeps you drinking. I agree with the abve. You will do best with treatment. It will be hard. If u do not get sober, chances are good u will lose everything.

Hugs!!

[sarahsweets]

Have you accepted that you might be an alcoholic?

[callingforthesun]

yeah...i know thats definitely possible. i think i might be addicted to any quick fix that gets me out of distress...i know theres nothing special about alcohol...idek if i like how it feels anymore. i just know im a nervous wreck most of the times. seriously considering going back on anxiety meds.

[bpcyclist]

Whatever phrase or word you wanna use for your sitch, you have an addiction-realm problem and you need outside help to deal with it. If not, it will spiral and you will have no insight that your life is on fire until it is over and irretrievable. Take it from an expert.

[sarahsweets]

if you drink a lot you need a medical detox. You can die from withdrawl.