I have a history of alcohol abuse. I don't like to call myself an "alcoholic", because I dislike referring to myself as an illness. [I don't call myself "a bipolar", either.] Also, I have been able to drink in moderation in recent years (meaning 1/2 to 1 drink in a day), without going on some binge or relapse of alcohol abuse. I know that is not the case for people with real alcohol addiction. I rather think my past alcohol abuse has been more a form of self-medication.

I have been treated with bipolar medications for a good 13 years now. Sometimes they didn't cut the mustard at all, and other times they've worked well. There are still times when I have an urge to self-medicate. I try very hard not to do so with alcohol. Plus, if I mix alcohol with my current medications, it can be very dangerous. In the past, I learned that the hard way. Instead, I find myself occasionally having binge eating days. To emphasize, it's occasional, but they are indeed binge eating sessions. I've exchanged eating as my "self-medicating" choice, for alcohol. As many might guess, it's usually junk food - particularly sweet starchy stuff.

Has anyone else here experienced something similar to the above? If so, what replaced alcohol or drugs for you? And how often do you self-medicate with it?

Note: I am overweight, but not extremely so. I could be nice and slim, with a normal BMI, with a 20 lb loss. My binge eating is intermittent. My weight goes up and down as it occurs and lets up. I never purge or fast.

[bizi]

@BirdDancer

Just wanted to say that I read your post.
I too have bipolar 1 disorder and struggle with alcohol usage.
Weight gain is my story. 50 pounds in 4 years.

So we have a lot in common.
bizi

@bizi

Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry you've been struggling with the same issues I have in the past/present. I try to find healthier things to lean on for stress relief, but it sure is hard sometimes.

[Desoxyn]

I started drinking alcohol slightly when I was 15. I drank 7 shots of whiskey when I was 16 and never felt so euphoric. At 17, I could drink 12 beers in one night and then at 18, it was out of control and I drank every day for a few months until my mom told the liquor store to stop serving me.

Then I had a bad psychedelic trip (After my good trips) because I took too much psilocin (Active psychoactive chemical in magic mushrooms - 4-hydroxy-DMT) which benefited me greatly because I went to hell for eternity and felt infinite fear before I died, came back in this reality as a lesson from all the ~50 different psychoactive drugs and research chemicals that I was buying on the internet.

Then we moved to a new town with things to do (Away from my piece of **** ex step dad that won the lottery and left my mom in the middle of nowhere) and I could do so many things like be in a band, go hiking, mountain biking, skiing every winter, go to college, work part time, hot tubs, people to talk to, etc.. A way to wake up from my addictions and severe psychological, emotional and physical abuse that I've been dealing with in my teens.

I used to be an atheist before I had the bad trip and now I'm a pantheist. It woke me up and made me realize EVERYTHING that can't be taught from 10 years of therapy. I quit my addictions, threw away meth, coke, mdma, xanax, etc.. Everything I was taught in life was a lie and I broke free from the brainwashing. My schizophrenia even got better with new meds (I had psychosis before I ever tried drugs - People were doing lines of hydromorphone and coke in the psych ward which is where it started such as smoking crack in the smoke area).

I've learned a lot about myself and somehow survived drugs like fentanyl analogues and mixing them with benzos, using bath salts to stop me from nodding out by increasing my respiratory breathing rate.

So basically you need to have a life changing experience by moving somewhere, meditating (Best alternative to a psychedelic breakthrough), working on yourself every day to do better.. such as learning from mistakes in relationships, the world and studying and researching a variety of interests and building like 50 different skills and thinking about the future by not being stuck in the same hole that you're in, consuming capitalist products and social media, TV, etc...

Eventually I started going to liquor stores and buying alcohol but I just couldn't drink more than two drinks so I stopped and only drink on social ocasssions. I just don't like alcohol anymore because it's a boring drug and actually makes me depressed now. I do however use phenibut for negative symptoms of schizophrenia which acts on GABA-B receptors for an MDMA clear headed nootropic like feeling (Unlike alcohol, which works on GABA-A receptors).

I don't like food so I don't binge eat. My ADHD medication made me underweight once. I just eat a meal a day or so and was thinking of doing water fasting to prevent cancer (I quit smoking cigarettes too), rebuild my immune system, produce energy, etc.. Try water fasting for 3 days once every few months if you don't have anorexia nervosa. It can be good for you.

I still feel the need to self medicate slightly but it's nowhere near as bad as before. I don't consider myself as an addict anymore because of the trip. The co-founder of AA said he used LSD to help him quit drinking and it's proven that they have anti-addictive effects so wait until psychedelics are legal and you could try them.

[sarahsweets]

I am an alcoholic and I got sober with a 12 step program so that is what keeps me in check.

[bpcyclist]

I had childhood-onset bp 1 and self-medicated from an early age with alcohol, opiates, amphetamines, benzos, marijuana, and a few other classes of drugs. Been sober for 11 years now and I clearly do much better in terms of the bipolar thing without any extraneous substances of any kind in my system. Much better. I just feel better. If there is anything I maybe self-medicate with now it is probably ice cream. My decisions to go get a bunch of ice cream at all hours and eat it all reminds me a lot of my former decisions to go get Oxycodone. It seems impulsive to me. And weird. It just happens, and then I am sitting on my chair downing Ben & Jerry's. Then, when I'm done, I feel guilty (as I do writing this). It is something I probably need to work on, as it cannot be very healthy.

[Misterpain]

It's on sale at my local grocery store 3 for $10,I only buy it on sale ,I still mourn for the Wild Maine Blueberry Vermonster of 30 years ago ... I will drowned my tears in salted caramel core ,Urban bourbon ,vanilla fudge ,and I did buy one plain vanilla so I can dazzle my girlfriend by making bananas Foster , she goes nuts when I bring her dinner so on Wed, I am going to bring her dinner and then make the bananas Foster in her kitchen doing the whole performance Flambe thing ,I'm making her favorite broccoli cheese soup , with a fresh sun dried tomato pesto chicken breast and rosemary sage garlic roasted potatoes. About once a week i will knock it out of the park meal ,as opposed to doing simple cook it an hour dinner. Tonight was red eye sausage gravy and cheddar biscuits ,I could make that in my sleep!

[bpcyclist]

What's the address, again?

[RockyRoad007]

I have also gone from one thing to another. Smoked my first joint at 13. LSD first time at 17. Booze and drugs all thru my teens, twenties etc.
I have been bipolar 2 since my early teens, and suffered from extreme insecurity and shyness, along with all the problems untreated bp2 brings. Alcohol and drugs alleviated those problems - at least that was my perception. Inhibitions went out the window.

I quit drinking about 25 years ago, but am now struggling with overeating, and excessive marijuana use. My current bane is potato chips.
I was also anorexic as a teen, so my relationship with food has long been problematic.

My big issue (dilemma) is getting rid of my giant pile of marijuana. I don't want to in case I slip, and I want to so I don't slip.
I grew two marijuana plants last summer that ended up being over six feet tall, and full of big juicy buds. I was ecstatic that I could get stoned to my heart's content, but I lack control and started being stoned better than 8 hours every day. I grew 3 plants two years ago, and the same thing happened. Don't know why I didn't learn from that. I don't like being around other people when I'm stoned, so it has the effect of isolating me.

So, in a nutshell, most of my life has been about self medicating, and I'm not a youngster. I am a 60 year old woman.

[bpcyclist]

Thanks very much for this thread. BirdDancer--I appreciate your willingness to share some of your story about this issue. I have a long, long history of self-medicating with everything under the sun. I've been sober for around 11 years now and staying sober now is quite easy for me. It's on autopilot. I have no urges to use or drink. Ever.

But I do have massive cravings for carbs and sweets. Crazy, out-of-control needs for cookies and cakes and pies and doughnuts... On and on. I have no doubt this is just a sort of transference of my obsessive/compulsive side rearing its head in the realm of another substance category--food. I don't like it. Am trying to mitigate it. But it is better than drinking or using, that's for sure, so I try not to judge myself too harshly. Overalll, I am doing pretty well for me.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Thanks very much for this thread. BirdDancer--I appreciate your willingness to share some of your story about this issue. I have a long, long history of self-medicating with everything under the sun. I've been sober for around 11 years now and staying sober now is quite easy for me. It's on autopilot. I have no urges to use or drink. Ever.

But I do have massive cravings for carbs and sweets. Crazy, out-of-control needs for cookies and cakes and pies and doughnuts... On and on. I have no doubt this is just a sort of transference of my obsessive/compulsive side rearing its head in the realm of another substance category--food. I don't like it. Am trying to mitigate it. But it is better than drinking or using, that's for sure, so I try not to judge myself too harshly. Overalll, I am doing pretty well for me.

yes food is a much better option. glad that you are reeling it in.
my internet addiction is out of control.
got up earlier today and was going to do much needed paper work.
so here I sit on the computer....first thing in the morning last thing at night keep getting to bed later...sigh
bizi

[Brokensoul1979]

I also have bipolar 1 disorder. I take meds but I never feel ok so self medicating is what comes next. I’m a poly drug user, drinker, shopper, eater, basically anything you can abuse that will make you feel better I will try. Thank you for sharing.