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Chat Moderator
Member Since Feb 2016
Location: Doing donuts in the parking lot
Posts: 4,274
8 10k hugs
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Jun 18, 2024 at 12:35 AM
#1
4 days shy of 5 months sober. This is the longest I've gone since I first began using when I was 15. Never have made it this far and it hasn't been easy. Grief, abandonedment and life's other dishes it has force fed me; none of it has made this any easier. And I've never felt more alone. Sobriety feels like a prison sentence these days. And it's all too little, too late. I want to believe in it again. I just don't.
__________________ "Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
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 mote.of.soul, Nammu
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Community Support Team 
Member Since Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,361
18 76 hugs
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Jun 18, 2024 at 07:45 AM
#2
Well done on sticking with it through the really tough emotions. That's hard. Sobriety doesn't always feel good, but for me eventually sobriety became so much better than life was for me drunk that now it's an easy choice. Take it one day at a time and if you can talk with people about how you're doing - that helped me.
__________________  "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba 
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,670
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,248 hugs
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Jun 19, 2024 at 10:04 AM
#3
Active addiction to me feels more like a prison sentence. Sobriety is more of a walking on a warm Neptune sorta deal.
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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Chat Moderator
Member Since Feb 2016
Location: Doing donuts in the parking lot
Posts: 4,274
8 10k hugs
given |
Yesterday at 09:20 PM
#4
I think I've realized that my prison isn't sobriety or active addiction. Sounds cliche and cheesy, but it really is my mind. Or perhaps, better, the walls in which I've created in order to protect myself. Just like the drinking and drugging turned sour, so did my mental isolation. I imprisoned the most pure, innocent and caring piece of me. No visitation. That person needed comfort and I built an 8x 12x brick cell instead.
"Brick by brick my citizens. Brick by brick." And day by day. I can get there. I will get there. I have to. I need to know the feeling. I'm not sure what "living" can feel like without it being a lie. I'll get there, eventually. I'm choosing to believe that right now. For my sake and sanity, sure. Mending my soul and trying to heal my spirit, more so. __________________ "Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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