Getting closer and closer to the edge

Ok for goodness sakes DO NOT READ THIS IF NOT STRONG TONITE...i ain't looking to drag nobody down here!

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ok so 20 months or so 100% sober and clean and even that was the first relapse in well over a decade...whoop-de-blinking-doo!

but geez..hate to own it coz i'm sure as sugarlumps old enuff to know better but...some nites i just think...why bother? who am i torturing myself for? why not just carry on, get drunk, get high, who's it hurting?

dunno. just know the nite is still young...got 9 more hours to be stupid with if i decide to go there...wah-hey!

Hi Kalamity, I think we all occasionally have moments where we think "why bother?" When I get like that I have to remember what it was really like when I was actively drinking/using. Alcohol and drugs just made things worse--they promised an escape, but they were nothing more than a trap. Getting drunk or high is not going to make things better.

hey, I am generally around, feel free to PM me if you want. You can make it through the next 9 hours...hang in there...don't give into the lie.

I care.

Just a thought K_J. People are more true in real life when they

are Sober. I know personally from experience. Yah if your alone

and not hurting anyone directly, say operating a Motor vehicle

for one example. But the alcohol always made me too fuzzy, the

choice of words, actions, were not the greatest and In the long

run its gonna cloud your mind hun....plus your on meds, you

woudn't want to mix would you???

You have to think of your physical form to. I think your doing

great now so stick with it...I think about it too now and again

but have to put it out of my mind right away, besides your

setting a great example for others who are struggling and you

should give yourself credit too!!!! Its a good thing to stay

sober....and it also helps you avoid further mood swings...Yes?

Have a Snapple Ice TEA...or a Pepsi....NO COKE..LOL

(((((((((((((((KJ))))))))))))))))

I know you are having such a hard time, but it is so not worth it to throw away all that progress for one night. YOU are so incredibly strong and I know you can fight the urge.

You may not think you are hurting anyone, but you would really be hurting yourself.

Think about tomorrow. Would you feel guilt, shame or would you feel proud of yourself and like you accomplished something?

It is your decision, hun....but know that I will be with you and here for you if/when you need it.

Just remember that I think you are an amazing person with a big heart!!!!



BJ

DePressMe...i know you're right...drugs/drink are both just a trap...and going cold turkey ain't no joke. and thanks for the offer to pm you, it's nice to know you care.

ziggy...i hadn't thought it out that far. and dang it...why are you always so smart? i don't think i set a good example for nobody (just try to smother everybody with the love they need/deserve) but i guess...no i know...i wouldn't give a damn about that if i fell back the ways! and lol...no coke? geez ziggy you read minds now too? okay one strong black coffee coming right up coz that's all i got in the house.

ty for those reminders ziggy.

((((BJ))))

you're so right....fight i should coz...i'd be so ashamed tomorrow if i didn't...and you've no idea how far it could go. and what on earth would i say to all the friends i help fight it?

ty for caring enough to come in.

You are so welcome ((((((((((((KJ))))))))))))

I am glad you didn't take it the wrong way and knew just what I was trying to say!

I am proud of you and know that I think you are a wonderful person who deserves everything you want in life.



BJ

((((((((BJ)))))))) all i want in life is to be happy and figure out how to deal with this idiotic pain that shouldn't be there....and for everybody who passes thru these forums to find peace and happiness...too much to ask i know...hence...never mind...i will NOT go there...deep breathe...coffee rocks (ugh)...booze & drugs suck (hmmph)...and i WILL stay sober and clean tonite coz i know i won't feel like this tomorrow.

((((((((BJ)))))))) i think you're amazing the way you care for others coz you're going thru so much yourself atm. i wish peace and happiness for you.

well okay i got 2 cans in the house a so-called friend left a few weeks ago...ain't touched them but ain't binned them either. that can't hurt can it? has anybody here ever stopped at two? oh geez what am i doin???

First off, thank you for thinking so kindly of me. It helps me get thru my hard times when I help others. It makes me feel good.

Secondly, Two cans is still to much IMO. You have come so far and you should just put those cans down the drain. I think you would regret it in the morning if you drank them.
You are so worth more than that. You can do it and I know you can.

Who's to say you don't go out and get more after the two?
Please PM me if you need to. I am here.



BJ

((((((BJ)))))))) you know i think you're a really great caring person...but i just proved to everybody...i ain't worth the care. i'm half way thru can one and well...you're right...what's to stop me going out and getting more? and why should anybody really care anyways?

((BJ))....please do yourself a favor...quit caring about a loser who will always screw up sooner or later...and PLEASE get yourself some good care for the probs you're having atm...you're WORTH it ok?

and who really gives a damn when push comes to shove?

anybody wanna join me in a K_J sux fest???

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kalamity_Jane said:


((((((BJ)))))))) you know i think you're a really great caring person...but i just proved to everybody...i ain't worth the care. i'm half way thru can one and well...you're right...what's to stop me going out and getting more? and why should anybody really care anyways?

((BJ))....please do yourself a favor...quit caring about a loser who will always screw up sooner or later...and PLEASE get yourself some good care for the probs you're having atm...you're WORTH it ok?



</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Well, sorry...I'm not one to give up on friends. Especially when they need me the most. Just cuz you have one can, doesn't mean you have to have both.
Besides, tomorrow will be another day...a new beginning...a time to start anew.

We ALL have issues and mine are no worse or better than yours. I am still here....still gonna be here....because I care.

I am working on myself, don't worry. I got the doc tomorrow and I promise I will talk to her, but right now I can only do what I can do...nothing more.



Your friend,
BJ

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kalamity_Jane said:

anybody wanna join me in a K_J sux fest???

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Nope, gonna start a KJ is AMAZING fest!

Sorry, but I don't think you suck!!

BJ

((((BJ)))) you're a truly amazing person...but there's one thing you can do....please?....communicate with Beau? let Beau help you all?

LMAO ((((((BJ)))))))) you catch me out every time.

there's only one BJ and for sure.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kalamity_Jane said:

((((BJ)))) you're a truly amazing person...but there's one thing you can do....please?....communicate with Beau? let Beau help you all?



</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'm trying....really I am....I wish I could just eat, but It's not that simple. I will try more.

((((KJ))))

BJ

awww hun...i didn't mean to make you feel bad...really i didn't...ignore me tonite huh?

It's ok. You didn't make me feel bad, I feel that way already. You are just trying to help...I know!

I won't ignore you!!! NEVA!



BJ