[1_speed_bike]

Hi everyone,

I'm a new member, living here in Baltimore, and undergrad at JHU living in an apartment with my (former) best friend. During the course of our time here both of us have become addicted to pot, have become moderate to severe alcoholics (me moderate, him severe), and done a plethora of other drugs. Recently, I have resolved to quit. I am now a proud member of NA, and since stopping with the marijuana, I have not had any urges to drink alcohol either (my routine was always to do them in conjunction, alcohol makes me kind of nauseas when I do it alone, and I never felt "addicted" to it as a whole, just to pot). I'm still getting urges to smoke, but I have successfully fought them off every time.

My roommate, however, has no interest in changing. And you know what, I'd normally say that's his business, if I weren't so worried that he destroyed his brain.. Let me explain..

First of all, he knows I am trying to quit, and I told him to stop smoking in the room because not only will the smell itself make me want to smoke more, but I'm still inhaling the smoke, so I'm still not "clean". He said sure, but now all he does it wait until I am asleep, or at class, and every time I come back from anywhere I get treated to a smoky, smelly room. So, I'm moving out. Good for me. But I don't think he can survive in the real world by himself..

When I was getting messed up all the time, I never noticed quite how "strange" he was becoming. He is no longer the same person I knew freshman year. He is a broken record, and typically speaks by just spitting out loops of (what I'm assuming he thinks are) "jokes". He cannot hold regular conversation because all he does is ramble on about these things, whether I am listening or showing any sign of interest or not. I have even been in bed, just waking up, and I have heard him actually talking to himself about these things.

And so, that's all that he ever says. To me, or to anyone. Even to people he just met, that he knows nothing about, he will neglect to ask them basic information about themselves (what year are you? whats your major?) just to ramble on about this stuff. As a result, I feel like I am his only friend, which makes me feel bad about leaving him, but he is not good for trying to break my habit, and honestly he is driving me up the wall. I even am starting to worry about my own safety. He plays so many violent videogames, and is even in an online gaming Clan for one of them, that I fear he may even just randomly "snap".. The talking to himself is the most unsettling, because I have heard him do it for over 30 seconds straight..

He does see a shrink, and though I do not know for what reason, I suspect it is because of his break-up with his girlfriend a few months ago (she probably got tired of his brain-deadness as well). I know he doesn't take any medicine, but I am almost certain he does not tell his shrink everything (especially his daily alcohol and marijuana habits), and to be honest I don't even think my roommate realizes that there is anything wrong with himself! He doesn't take my hints (or my overt comments, or anyone else's hints for that matter) that he just isn't funny or interesting to talk to any more. He doesn't remain in contact with any of his old friends or roommates any more, and the only people he does spend time with other than me are his drug dealers, or his 21+ friends who buy him alcohol (we are both 20 as of now). I am wondering if I should just call his psychiatrist up and explain it all? Or would this just complicate things further...

[madisgram]

first of all, good for you in getting clean (and moving out of that atmosphere!)and welcome to PC!!
unfortunately there is little else you can do regarding your friend. if he hits a bottom tho you can be there to support him if he decides to get clean and sober too.
as for the pdoc, he won't be able to discuss anything with you at all regarding your friend cause it's confidential. i guess you could write a letter to the pdoc tho and tell him what you know about your friend. that way he doesn't need to respond, which he can't do anyway.
i'm sure someone else may have some helpful suggestions but that's all i can think 'bout that you can do at this time.
sounds like you are one heck of a good friend. by your keeping clean you are living by example. let's hope he hits a bottom so you can help him get help. (follow the suggestions of NA tho and don't try to get him help without another NA member there with you).
meanwhile just remember "people, places and things". you're on the right path to staying clean!!!

[splitimage]

Congratulations on getting clean and taking steps to protect yourself and your recovery. It can be very hard watching other people destroy themselves, but ultimately recovery has to be up to the individual. Your friend has to want it, like you wanted it. Recovery has to be a selfish act. Especially when you're first getting clean, you have to put your recovery first and don't do anything to jeopradize it.

If you do want to talk with your friend about his using, absolutely do not do it alone. Make sure you have another member of NA there to support you. It's for your own emotional and physical safety.

Getting in touch with his shrink is tough - his dr. will not disclose anything to you. It would be against the law. Yet if you feel his behaviour is really deteriorating that would be helpful information for the dr. to know, so you could try calling or writing him. Just be sure you've thought through the implications of what would happen if your friend found out you'd done so, particularly if you're already worried about violence.

Nobody can diagnose someone third hand, let alone, via the internet, but it's entirely possible that your friend is showing signs of scizophrenia. He's in the right age group for onset, and it's known medically that pot can contribute to psychotic episodes. It's actually one of the most dangerous drugs for a schizophrenic to use as it interferes with the brain's dopamine.

Another option, is could you talk to his family about the behaviour you've observed. They might be in a better position to intervene if it's necessary.

Take care.

--splitimage

[DePressMe]

speed bike,

I am curious about your name--speed bike. Do you drive motorcycles? You don't have to tell me about why you picked your name--I am just curious. I was into motorcycles until I realized I was on a death mission and decided that, for now, I am not stable enough for my kickin ninja--no matter how good the adrenaline rush feels to push the limits of speed, it is just plain too dangerous. I gave it to a friend, but maybe some day I will get another one.

It is awesome that you have gotten clean! I guarantee is probably one of the best things you could ever do for yourself. You recognized that the alcohol and drugs were holding you back and you have taken control of your life by taking steps to change things for the better. Hey, now that you are not being held down by the alcohol and drugs, think of all the possibilities in your life and know that they are all within reach.

You sound like you have a really good head on your shoulders and you seem to be very insightful and to understand a lot about yourself and your room mate. That is a very good quality that not everybody is gifted with--what is your major in school? Yeah, just me being curious again, I wonder if you are in a people oriented career where you could capitalize on your insightful and intiutive thinking.

I believe that you really do care about your room mate and that you want to help him, but I also firmly believe that you can only help him when he is ready to change. The best thing for you to do is to take care of yourself and set a positive example for him. I think the only way you will ever be able to help him in the future is if you are on stable ground yourself.

Show him what it is like to be sober and maybe he will eventually want what you have. You don't have to give up on him and you are not abandoning him. You are doing what is best for the both of you by staying clean, giving him the hope of a better life and preparing yourself for the day that he decides he wants your help to get clean and sober.

My boyfriend and my brother told me that part of why they decided to stop drinking was because they thought that if I could do it, then surely they could do it too. lols, I think they thought I was a bigger drunk than they were, but hey, I don't don't care what they thought as long as I helped them. And, yes, I was ready to help them when they decided to stop drinking and our love for one another became much stronger than it had ever been in the past because it was not influenced by alcohol or drugs--it was the real thing.

I feel for you because of the loss of your best friend--he has been "stolen" by alcohol and drugs. It also sounds like maybe he has some other mental health issues. But, regardless of why things are happening to him, it does not change the fact that you care about him and you have lost the friendship that you shared and that is going to hurt. I don't want to over dramatize things but, take some time to be gentle with yourself and grieve the lost of your friendship--a lost that may not be permanent, but for now it is reality. But, hey, that does not mean you have to give up all hope.

I don't have answers about what you should do to intervene in his life--I don't know the whole story and even if I did, it would just be my opinion. But, if you feel he is not able to take care of himself, then maybe an intervention such as contacting his psychiatrist is the right thing to do.

His safety is the most important thing for you to watch out for. Especially if he does dangerous things when he is under the influence or binge drinks. Of course, it would be nice if you could somehow save his future because it sounds like he is not too interested in his education and the choices he makes now will follow him and determine how his life works out.

But, be prepared because even if you are trying to help him, he might become very angry at you and think you are intentionally hurting him and breaking his trust by talking with his psychiatrist. I know that I was not grateful for the people who tried to intervene when I was struggling with my addiction--I could not see that they were doing what was best for me--I just saw them as betraying me.

Now, I see things much differently and I am incredibly grateful that people in my life cared enough about me to risk losing my friendship so that I might get the help I needed--they put my wellness ahead of their own feelings and they took a lot of crap from me.

Yeah, it also took a long time for me to come around and see things clearly. But, in the end, it was those people who saved my life because they sacrificed and faced my anger and outrage at being "betrayed." They stopped enabling me and it really ticked me off that they were "ruining my life" but in reality they were acting in love. I could not ask for better friends.

You are in no way whatsoever responsible for your roomate. Say that about 60 billion times. You care deeply for him, but you are not responsible for him. Don't try to shoulder the burden of his troubles--he will have to eventually face those himself, just as you have had to face your problems and your addiciton, he will have to go through the same process. Besides, you have your own recovery to think about and that is probably a pretty big handfull for you right now.

Maybe you can allieviate some of his current pain by trying to face things for him but in doing so you will enable him to continue in his addiction. Offer comapassion and do what you think is best but do not take responsibilty for him. There is a very big difference between helping him get well and in enabling him so he can continue doing the things that are ultimately hurting him. Don't try to make his life easier for him if it prevents him from facing reality.

You know, I did not mean to rattle on so long about my thoughts and views of what might be best or what might be happening with you. I did get a little carried away and I know not all of it applies to your experience--sometimes I just get into writing what I am thinking and feeling. And, I have very strong feelings for people who are just starting their recovery--I want to help protect your sobriety because I think it is the most important thing in your life.

I want to some how stop you from falling into the trap of of being responsible for your friends who are still using drugs and drinking because it takes the focus away from the most important issue here--your own sobriety. You need to break ties from the old using world and learn to live in a sober world--you can't live in both worlds because it will tear you apart.

Watch out, be hyper vigilant that you are not pulled back into the old life of addiction by the noble guise of helping your old friends. I hope you do absolutely everything within your power to safe guard your new sober life. Addiction can be very cunning and it can sneak up on you in when you least expect it.

No matter what you decide to do to help your friend, I have faith that you will do what is best for yourself and for him because you are a very compassionate person. Your friend may not realize it right now, but he is lucky to have you in his life. I hope that some day, you can both look back on this time of your life and make jokes about your various drinking and drug escapades. Because, I don't care what anybody says, we can do some pretty outrageous things when we are under the influence and it does not hurt to laugh about them.

I am behind you 100 percent when it comes to you staying sober and doing what is best for your friend. Good luck and PM me if you need a little support or if you just want to chat about the little things in life.

[1confused]

Originally Posted by 1_speed_bike

Hi everyone,

I'm a new member, living here in Baltimore, and undergrad at JHU living in an apartment with my (former) best friend. During the course of our time here both of us have become addicted to pot, have become moderate to severe alcoholics (me moderate, him severe), and done a plethora of other drugs. Recently, I have resolved to quit. I am now a proud member of NA, and since stopping with the marijuana, I have not had any urges to drink alcohol either (my routine was always to do them in conjunction, alcohol makes me kind of nauseas when I do it alone, and I never felt "addicted" to it as a whole, just to pot). I'm still getting urges to smoke, but I have successfully fought them off every time.

My roommate, however, has no interest in changing. And you know what, I'd normally say that's his business, if I weren't so worried that he destroyed his brain.. Let me explain..

First of all, he knows I am trying to quit, and I told him to stop smoking in the room because not only will the smell itself make me want to smoke more, but I'm still inhaling the smoke, so I'm still not "clean". He said sure, but now all he does it wait until I am asleep, or at class, and every time I come back from anywhere I get treated to a smoky, smelly room. So, I'm moving out. Good for me. But I don't think he can survive in the real world by himself..

When I was getting messed up all the time, I never noticed quite how "strange" he was becoming. He is no longer the same person I knew freshman year. He is a broken record, and typically speaks by just spitting out loops of (what I'm assuming he thinks are) "jokes". He cannot hold regular conversation because all he does is ramble on about these things, whether I am listening or showing any sign of interest or not. I have even been in bed, just waking up, and I have heard him actually talking to himself about these things.

And so, that's all that he ever says. To me, or to anyone. Even to people he just met, that he knows nothing about, he will neglect to ask them basic information about themselves (what year are you? whats your major?) just to ramble on about this stuff. As a result, I feel like I am his only friend, which makes me feel bad about leaving him, but he is not good for trying to break my habit, and honestly he is driving me up the wall. I even am starting to worry about my own safety. He plays so many violent videogames, and is even in an online gaming Clan for one of them, that I fear he may even just randomly "snap".. The talking to himself is the most unsettling, because I have heard him do it for over 30 seconds straight..

He does see a shrink, and though I do not know for what reason, I suspect it is because of his break-up with his girlfriend a few months ago (she probably got tired of his brain-deadness as well). I know he doesn't take any medicine, but I am almost certain he does not tell his shrink everything (especially his daily alcohol and marijuana habits), and to be honest I don't even think my roommate realizes that there is anything wrong with himself! He doesn't take my hints (or my overt comments, or anyone else's hints for that matter) that he just isn't funny or interesting to talk to any more. He doesn't remain in contact with any of his old friends or roommates any more, and the only people he does spend time with other than me are his drug dealers, or his 21+ friends who buy him alcohol (we are both 20 as of now). I am wondering if I should just call his psychiatrist up and explain it all? Or would this just complicate things further...

i totally get that, i used to rent a house with a very good friend that started doing coke regurally. he kept asking if i wanted to try it. my drug of choice is alcohol and i still havent stopped. but he lost his job,made over 6 figures and made 4 times what i make and it all went down hill from there. suddenly i wasnt part of the party cuz he/ they knew i didnt do it. i started to feel real uncomfortable and moved out. was not easy. felt like i was abandoning him.i was his closest freind other than his coke buddys. its been 7 months and i think hes back on track but still wonder. he is still a good freind of mine but at a distance. i would be there for him no matter what cuz hes that guy that never asks for help. but i still am careful about how close he is to me. this is a guy who would lay down in traffic for me, beat up someone just for trying to cause a problem with me. he has some really good qualitys and loyalty but he also has some problems i needed to get away from. dont feel bad about doing what is right for you. your a better freind by leading by example and getting him help if you can.

[kissfru]

To be honest, speed bike if you guys are at the hop, all you really have time for is work and no play. I know cause I was pre med there way back in ancient times but all I really had time for is my work. Frankly I'm supprised you made it so long and regarding your ex-friend, don't spend your time worrying about him...he's not going to be there much longer if he keeps up doing what he's doing so keep the focus on you and forget about him. Sounds like he needs to hit his bottom before he decides to change. Keep up the good work speed bike! Congrats for your clean time and your effort and for even realising you have a problem. Keep the focus on yourself...that's all you really need to do. Congrats again,
Bob

Originally Posted by 1_speed_bike

Hi everyone,

I'm a new member, living here in Baltimore, and undergrad at JHU living in an apartment with my (former) best friend. During the course of our time here both of us have become addicted to pot, have become moderate to severe alcoholics (me moderate, him severe), and done a plethora of other drugs. Recently, I have resolved to quit. I am now a proud member of NA, and since stopping with the marijuana, I have not had any urges to drink alcohol either (my routine was always to do them in conjunction, alcohol makes me kind of nauseas when I do it alone, and I never felt "addicted" to it as a whole, just to pot). I'm still getting urges to smoke, but I have successfully fought them off every time.

My roommate, however, has no interest in changing. And you know what, I'd normally say that's his business, if I weren't so worried that he destroyed his brain.. Let me explain..

First of all, he knows I am trying to quit, and I told him to stop smoking in the room because not only will the smell itself make me want to smoke more, but I'm still inhaling the smoke, so I'm still not "clean". He said sure, but now all he does it wait until I am asleep, or at class, and every time I come back from anywhere I get treated to a smoky, smelly room. So, I'm moving out. Good for me. But I don't think he can survive in the real world by himself..

When I was getting messed up all the time, I never noticed quite how "strange" he was becoming. He is no longer the same person I knew freshman year. He is a broken record, and typically speaks by just spitting out loops of (what I'm assuming he thinks are) "jokes". He cannot hold regular conversation because all he does is ramble on about these things, whether I am listening or showing any sign of interest or not. I have even been in bed, just waking up, and I have heard him actually talking to himself about these things.

And so, that's all that he ever says. To me, or to anyone. Even to people he just met, that he knows nothing about, he will neglect to ask them basic information about themselves (what year are you? whats your major?) just to ramble on about this stuff. As a result, I feel like I am his only friend, which makes me feel bad about leaving him, but he is not good for trying to break my habit, and honestly he is driving me up the wall. I even am starting to worry about my own safety. He plays so many violent videogames, and is even in an online gaming Clan for one of them, that I fear he may even just randomly "snap".. The talking to himself is the most unsettling, because I have heard him do it for over 30 seconds straight..

He does see a shrink, and though I do not know for what reason, I suspect it is because of his break-up with his girlfriend a few months ago (she probably got tired of his brain-deadness as well). I know he doesn't take any medicine, but I am almost certain he does not tell his shrink everything (especially his daily alcohol and marijuana habits), and to be honest I don't even think my roommate realizes that there is anything wrong with himself! He doesn't take my hints (or my overt comments, or anyone else's hints for that matter) that he just isn't funny or interesting to talk to any more. He doesn't remain in contact with any of his old friends or roommates any more, and the only people he does spend time with other than me are his drug dealers, or his 21+ friends who buy him alcohol (we are both 20 as of now). I am wondering if I should just call his psychiatrist up and explain it all? Or would this just complicate things further...