[GIGGLESKel032690]

I am a freshmen in college and my dad has been an alcoholic since I was 3 so almost 16 years. I don't like alcohol but I gave in to peer pressure last night. My friends wanted me to go out and I told myself I wouldn't drink a lot but the next morning I woke up and puked and with a major hangover. I feel so much like dad I am so embarrassed. What should I do?

[Christina86]

Realize you're not your dad. Give yourself a break.

Getting hungover isn't fun. I gave up drinking 10 months ago - and yes, I still miss it. But not as much as many people would think - since I *do* worry about alcoholism and whether I could become one.

Perhaps finding other friends that don't drink to hang out with? Or talking to your friends, and simply saying you don't want to drink. If they really are your friends, they should understand. They may give you a hard time sometimes, but they should at least respect your decision. If that doesn't work, tell them that your dad is an alcoholic and you don't like alcohol. That should stop them dead in their tracks - most people don't talk about their families "issues" so if you *do*, maybe they'll realize that this is an important decision for you.

You also need to realize that not all children of alcoholics will have problems with alcohol, or become alcoholics. Some will, but not all.

It depends on how worried you are, for one. If you know you have control issues with alcohol, or have addictions of other sorts - then maybe drinking isn't the greatest idea. But I also know of lots of people who can have one or two drinks and be perfectly fine - and yes, some grew up in alcoholic families.

It depends on what YOU think.

If YOU think you can deal with drinking every once in a while, then do it - go have fun (I'm in university, I know alcohol is pretty big for our age group).

If YOU don't want to have a hangover again, then learn to drink smart - eat beforehand, drink water between drinks, don't mix alcohols, don't leave your drink unattended... get home safe, all that stuff.

If YOU don't want to drink at all -then find other hobbies, better friends, or talk to your current people you hang out with and make them see your point of view. It's an awkward conversation, but it's not the worst conversation you can have.

But it's about what YOU want. Not what your friends want. Not what I want for you. Not what anyone else wants for you. It's not about your father, or your family and their desires for you. At the end of the day, it's your decision about alcohol and whether or not you drink.

I know, for me... that deciding to quit drinking was the best decision ever for me overall.

Part of it *was* because my friends were worried about my obsessing over drinking. I wasn't drinking often, or very much - but I was wanting to drink a lot. Now *that* is the most awkward conversation you can have - when your friends are worried enough about you that they tell you to stop drinking (or to look at your drinking).

Part of it *was* the fact that my stepdad is a binge drinker/alcoholic. He's also mean and abusive and I didn't want to turn out like him.

Part of it *was* the fact that I didn't like the weight I gained drinking, and I didn't like how it interacted with my antidepressants (bad idea I'm telling you now!).

Part of it *was* the fact that I really didn't have the money to spend on alcohol when it could be spent elsewhere.

Part of it *was* the fact that I figured out that I've got an addictive personality and anything taken too seriously to excess is a bad idea.

Part of it *was* the fact that a really good friend of mine had quit drinking years earlier and was a role model for me in not drinking (he also gave me really good tips about how to deal with people, and cravings and all that stuff).

Part of it *was* the fact that I was in counselling and discovered I wasn't using alcohol the way I should have been. I was using it to escape my problems. I was using it to make me happier, to "fit in" to feel normal. I was using it to make other people happy.

But what it boiled down to was this...

A good sit down by myself to think. After my 22nd birthday (last July!) deciding that perhaps I could go for a while without drinking. Just choose not to drink. Not swear off of it forever, not decide I wasn't *ever* going to drink again. Just that, for ONE DAY at a time, I wouldn't drink. I would decide as the situation presented itself. If I decided in a week that I wanted to drink again, then so be it - I would. But only if it seemed like a good reason TO drink, not trying to find good reasons to *not* drink.

So here I am. On July 20th, it's a year without drinking alcohol for me. But it's my decision ultimately - so now it's your decision, what do YOU want to do?