[morning_view]

I'm reaching the end of my tether with my mum and dad, there's a few reasons, but lately I've become more and more distressed about their evening habit - drinking

I'm 22, I'm on a gap year inbetween university courses, so I'm living at home for a little while - and yeah, when I was at uni, and indeed before I left, there was a fair amount of partying and alcohol consumption on my part (before you ask, I'm UK, so legal age is 18) - but I've never really drunk more than once a week, say, saturday night - at present I'm actually working in a bar, so I'm only out once a month (if that)

The real problem, is that I come home at 8pm, and my parents are having wine with dinner - no real issue - but coming home from a later shift at 1am to find my mum asleep on the sofa, and my dad muttering to himself, asking me the same question at least 5 times, and a box of wine empty.... I checked the box, it holds the equivalent of 4 bottles of wine, which is roughly 2 bottles each - about 20 - 24 units.

Now, if this were once a week on a weekend night, it wouldn't bother me - but this happens at least 3 times a week, on weekdays - my mother's a school teacher - I don't know how she gets up for work in the morning - I know her job is stressful, but I don't like the way she seems to be dealing with her stress - I tried telling my dad that I thought they drank too much, but he just brushed me off with a "when you get older you can drink more" - 60 units a week?? I don't think so!

I know this situation could be much much worse, but I don't want it to get to that stage - I hate being around my parents when they've been drinking, and it's kinda sad that I'm desperately looking forward to moving out in 3 months to get away from it - I also resent them for it - I mean, I'M the youngest, isn't it my time to be the one having fun? A child shouldn't be the one looking after a drunk parent, I thought the other way round was the norm? My dad also tries to discuss "my issues" when he's drunk, which just makes me angrier than I already seem to be - I'm really worried I'll do something bad, I've already slapped during a drunken argument, and that scared the hell out of me

I wonder if calling my brother to tell him I'm concerned about them would be a good place to start? He moved away years ago and is older than me, I think maybe they'd listen to him if he said he was a little concerned

Anyway, just wanted to vent some rage, and maybe get a little insight on what I should do about this before things get bad

M_V x

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((M_V)))))))))))))))

Definitely talk to your brother! At the very least, he'd be able to listen and maybe understand more. Even if it's not enough to convince your parents to watch their drinking.

You're right, you shouldn't be having to "parent" your parents! It's also alright to be resentful, as long as you don't let it control you. I'm glad you're able to move out again soon, sometimes that's all we can do. "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" seems to work here... you can make sure your parents know how much their behaviour upsets you, but you can't make them stop it. Only THEY can.

I know you don't want to do this (likely) but if it ever becomes a physical altercation like that in the future, you CAN CALL THE COPS. Maybe having the police come by would scare them into realizing their negative behaviours need to stop.

[morning_view]

Thanks Christina, I think I know what things I should do, I just needed some reassurance that I was thinking correctly and that the things I thought I should do were in fact the right things to do.

I'll give my brother a call when things for me stop being so chaotic - he's coming home for a week or so soon, so that might be a good time to have a chat with him

I don't think the cops situation will be necessary, I just don't want to be dealing with them when they've been drinking - I've got to the point now where I just hang around work as long as I can, or go for a late night drive so I KNOW I won't have to talk to them - which sucks, it's thrown my body clock way out

But thankyou for you're help, much appreciated! :-)

M_V x

[Hunny]

Morning View:

It sounds much like my home of origin. My younger sister and I were home and saw more of this behaviour than the ones who had left already. Alcoholism is considered a progressive disease, so this may explain the intensity now.

What I understand is, that you are accomodating their behaviour by:

"I just hang work as long as I can, or go for a late night drive so I KNOW I won't have to talk to them - which sucks, it's thrown my body clock way out"

It is their home but this seems not to be the healthiest situation for you or that safe so late at night (or is this the mother in me coming out . Also, just wondering if you have ever seen the Alanon Forum. It is considered by some Alanon people as 'a meeting in your pocket' http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/forum.html

Hope there is some relief for you soon.

Hunny