[whiteroses40]

Hi All-

I'm an adult child of alcoholics and I joined this forum as a way to help with the healing process. The label "adult child of alcoholics" just makes me feel deficient and broken. I didn't do anything to deserve such a label but I am trying to work my way through to acceptance to what happened to me. I feel frustrated and hurt by my parents abandonment. I have this little girl inside of me who never felt the love of her mother and father. She is always sad and she so much wants to be acknowledged and nutured. She doesn't speak to me nor does she have a voice in any physical way but I know she is there. I know she is there because this past Sunday at a bookshop I came across a teapot adorned with one of my beloved story book characters, Peter Rabbit. I fell in love with the teapot and felt the emotions of pain and sadness. I had to fight back the tears. I felt that little girl's pain inside of me who I have ignored all these years reaching out to me. I gently placed the teapot back onto the table and walked away. As I look back, I regret not buying the teapot but felt that I was not ready to have such a visual reminder of how broken I was. I feel conflicted. I want to nurture the little girl inside of me but I just don't know how. Can anyone lead me in the right direction.

[embracinglife]

I am new to the adult child community, but maybe you want to seek out ACA groups in your local area or al-anon groups. I don't even have an alcohlic very close to me, but my family was dysfunctional and I am benefitting from these groups.

Go at your own pace. I also loved peter rabbit .

Or maybe start reading books about ACA so you can hear other peoples stories you can relate to. Dunno, just thinking.

[AvidReader]

Hi whiteroses40; just wanted to say that I can sympathize. I just joined this forum a few weeks ago and have just started to (try to) come to grips with my inner little girl who, like yours, was never nurtured. I am just now realizing the extent to which that lack of nurturing, and all the other @#*& that goes on in alcoholic families, has affected me.

I don't have any wise words to offer -- just wanted to let you know that I empathize, and I wish you well. You've found a great community in this forum.

[madisgram]

it is a sad state of affairs that alcoholic causes a "family disease". every member of the family is taken hostage. all members are deeply affected by the behavior of the alcoholic. your becoming aware of these deep scars can be looked at as your beginning to want to heal. i know it's painful to think about but your awareness will help you. i am not an acoa but suffered from childhood scars. it was suggested by a psychiatrist that i close my eyes and envision the sad little girl in me. i took my little girl-me-by the hand and reassured her that she was safe and loved. i can't tell you how much that helped me. i told her how much i wanted to help her, comfort her, nurture her.
adult children of alcoholics, ACOA, is a good way to begin to heal. this group focuses on helping YOU to overcome the feelings of abandonment and find your true self, helping you to heal. you can google ACOA click on your town and state and it will show you weekly meetings held. perhaps for you this can be a very beneficial start on your road to rid yourself of how your growing up affected you.
hope you will keep us posted. i'm sure there will be other posts you will find helpful.
PS can you go back and purchase the teapot?

[Elana05]

Hi whiteroses,

Yes, that little girl inside of you deserves to be loved and nurtured. You are important. Although we were abandoned by our parents we can do that loving and nurturing now. Have you had a chance to get to an Al Anon or ACA meeting? Just a thought. I have found them helpful. You will find the groups welcoming overall.
Maybe some of the Al Anon literature might speak to you...
such as
Hope For Today
Courage To Change

http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&key...l_32f71tohu9_b

Elana

[AvidReader]

I think you nuture yourself and go back and buy that teapot, if you want to. Instead it being a "visual reminder of how broken" you are, perhaps you could look at it as a representation of your journey toward healing.

Just a thought!

[whiteroses40]

Embracinglife-

I've finished reading a very enlightening book called: Recovery A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Herbert L Gravitz. This book describe me to a T but with this new information, I am feeling alot of emotional pain. I not sure if I'm ready for ACOA group or Al-non but see this as an option for my healing in the near future. Thank you for your reply.

Originally Posted by embracinglife

I am new to the adult child community, but maybe you want to seek out ACA groups in your local area or al-anon groups. I don't even have an alcohlic very close to me, but my family was dysfunctional and I am benefitting from these groups.

Go at your own pace. I also loved peter rabbit .

Or maybe start reading books about ACA so you can hear other peoples stories you can relate to. Dunno, just thinking.

[whiteroses40]

AvidReader-

How has joining this support you helped you? I'm curious because I tend to keep all of me to myself. I've never joined any type of support group. This is the first one I've joined.

Originally Posted by AvidReader

Hi whiteroses40; just wanted to say that I can sympathize. I just joined this forum a few weeks ago and have just started to (try to) come to grips with my inner little girl who, like yours, was never nurtured. I am just now realizing the extent to which that lack of nurturing, and all the other @#*& that goes on in alcoholic families, has affected me.

I don't have any wise words to offer -- just wanted to let you know that I empathize, and I wish you well. You've found a great community in this forum.

[whiteroses40]

Madisgram-

The exercise that your psychiatrist suggested sounds like an exercise I can incorporate. I think that will help the little girl in me feel safe. As for the teapot, I'm entertaining the thought of going back and purchasing it. Everyone's support in this group is giving me the courage to fight through the pain and go and get it. I will keep everyone posted if I do.

Originally Posted by madisgram

it is a sad state of affairs that alcoholic causes a "family disease". every member of the family is taken hostage. all members are deeply affected by the behavior of the alcoholic. your becoming aware of these deep scars can be looked at as your beginning to want to heal. i know it's painful to think about but your awareness will help you. i am not an acoa but suffered from childhood scars. it was suggested by a psychiatrist that i close my eyes and envision the sad little girl in me. i took my little girl-me-by the hand and reassured her that she was safe and loved. i can't tell you how much that helped me. i told her how much i wanted to help her, comfort her, nurture her.
adult children of alcoholics, ACOA, is a good way to begin to heal. this group focuses on helping YOU to overcome the feelings of abandonment and find your true self, helping you to heal. you can google ACOA click on your town and state and it will show you weekly meetings held. perhaps for you this can be a very beneficial start on your road to rid yourself of how your growing up affected you.
hope you will keep us posted. i'm sure there will be other posts you will find helpful.
PS can you go back and purchase the teapot?

[whiteroses40]

Elana05-

The Al-non literature looks interesting and I can see that a group for ACOA maybe a necessity for my healing in the near future but I'm just not ready to meet face to face others just like me. I'm in too much emotional pain right know. It took a bit of energy to reach out to others in this forum and I'm thankful for the support that everyone has provided. It just shows me that I am not alone in this and that other people who have similar stories really care about me. I'm going to buy the teapot.

Originally Posted by Elana05

Hi whiteroses,

Yes, that little girl inside of you deserves to be loved and nurtured. You are important. Although we were abandoned by our parents we can do that loving and nurturing now. Have you had a chance to get to an Al Anon or ACA meeting? Just a thought. I have found them helpful. You will find the groups welcoming overall.
Maybe some of the Al Anon literature might speak to you...
such as
Hope For Today
Courage To Change

http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&key...l_32f71tohu9_b

Elana

[whiteroses40]

AvidReader-

I like the idea that the teapot will represent my journey towards healing instead a sad reminder of the childhood I never had. Thank you for providing a different perspective on this.

Originally Posted by AvidReader

I think you nuture yourself and go back and buy that teapot, if you want to. Instead it being a "visual reminder of how broken" you are, perhaps you could look at it as a representation of your journey toward healing.

Just a thought!

[AvidReader]

Originally Posted by AvidReader

I think you nuture yourself and go back and buy that teapot, if you want to.

Argh -- I meant to write "I think you SHOULD nurture yourself" -- sorry about that!

[AvidReader]

Originally Posted by whiteroses40

AvidReader-

How has joining this support you helped you? I'm curious because I tend to keep all of me to myself. I've never joined any type of support group. This is the first one I've joined.

This is the first support group I've joined, too; I well understand how difficult it is to face these issues. I'm in my 40s and have avoided facing these issues for years, to the detriment of my mental health. I'm very new to the forum myself, but it has been a tremendous comfort to know that I'm not alone. Just knowing there are other people out there who went through the same horrible childhoods helps. (I mean, not that I'm happy that anyone here had an unhappy childhood, but I'm sure you know what I mean!)

It took me more than 15 years to screw up my courage to attend a local ACOA meeting in person, just a few weeks ago, and then nobody showed up to it! It was like a bad joke, but in a way I was a tiny bit relieved because I am really, genuinely terrified to confront my childhood and my damaged adulthood. It's a little easier to do online.

I'm glad you've taken the first step toward healing.

[Victom4ever]

agree with buying the teapot
also maybe writing with left hand may help you engage in a dialog with this lil one
just a thought
glad you are here and sharing
hearing you
and listening...

also acoa