Moving On

I'm twenty years old, my parents both like alcohol far too much although they would never admit it, recently not for the first time my mother gave up alcohol, she lasted five weeks while my father kept drinking and then he brought her a bottle of her drink of choice and she drank it and she's been drinking ever since, she won't admit she's an alcoholic, she won't stop and so I've decided to move out but I don't want to, heres the thing, I've wanted to go before never this much but still. I've always stayed because I feel like it's my job to protect my mother, her and my dad sometimes they get in to these arguments that are terrible and more then once I've had to stand between them to try and stop them hitting each other, my mom gets so drunk she falls a lot and I keep worrying that if one of those things happens and I'm not there, I'll feel so guilty.

Then there's the issue that my parents didn't really teach me how to be independent that well, I was never allowed to cook or help with the chores, I suppose most people would be grateful for that but now I'm realizing how big of a problem it'll be if I move out, how am I going to manage. And there's also the fact that I don't want to move out, I don't want to have to.

But lately I am losing patience with my mother, she's starting to grate on me which sucks because when she's sober she is one of the best people to be around and I'm worried I'm gonna say or do something horrible because for some reason her getting drunk just gets me annoyed at being around her all the time. I know I'll never cut off contact with her, I love her too much but I know I have to go, I won't be worrying all the time that they'll argue or get stressed about if she's gonna fall over any minute, but it's one thing to know that and another to realize it. I don't even know why I'm posting this except I guess I just want someone to get it, someone to tell me I'm doing the right thing by moving out.

You ARE doing the right thing. For one thing, you've probably already taken on some of their traits, and for another, it's just time. You are NOT your parents' keeper!!! You have your OWN life to live -- your life does NOT revolve around making sure your mother doesn't fall, or that they don't fight!

I know you love your parents, but being around two probable alcoholics is really frustrating. They say and do things they wouldn't normally say or do when they're sober. They can sometimes act like children. Their fights are disturbing and maddening. They can sometimes be just plain disgusting! Who wants to be around people like that?

You are like I was. My mother never taught me anything either, i.e. cooking. She didn't want me in the kitchen. So when I got married, I was the worlds' worst cook! But you learn quickly when you HAVE to. A good cookbook is your bible. lol Cleaning is no big deal, and washing clothes-- just read the instructions on the bottle/box of detergent! LOL And as long as you pay your bills on time, you'll be fine.

You might do well to attend some Al-Anon meetings too -- these are for people who have family/friends who are alcoholics. I'm sure these will help you cope. Go 2-3 times and see what you think. You can take what you like and leave the rest.

I wish you the very best. I hope you find a place soon -- I think you're right about moving out. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee