How long does it take to get back to normal?

Hi,

I've come to terms with the fact that my mom won't get better unless she tries to get help, so I won't hold my breath. I've wasted so much time waiting for things to get better but it only gets worse, and somewhere along the way I forgot who I am/was (not sure which one makes more sense) - I don't recognize myself anymore. I started therapy and plan on going to ACA meetings to work through all this stuff, but just a question: How long would it take before I'm fine, until I get back to the old me/a new me that's not so damaged? I would just like an estimate to get a sense of things.

Each of us is different, kishamac02. Your therapist might be able to help you with your question.

Wow - that's a loaded question. LOL I was so terribly damaged, that it took me YEARS to get back to any semblance of normalcy. Of course the fact that I too became an alcoholic didn't help things.

Finally I joined AA, and they helped immensely, but I also had to go thru therapy, and lots of it to understand that my parents gave me what THEY were given. Alcoholism can be inherited, and their parents were alcoholics too. So they couldn't give me something that they didn't have, such as love, attention, and encouragement.

I was eventually able to forgive my parents and understand them. It made a huge difference. Of course I didn't go around them when they were drinking, but I was able to love them like I'd wanted to do and felt I should. And I no longer felt any guilt for NOT feeling those emotions.

God bless and good luck in your therapy! Take care. Hugs, Lee

Leed, how did you go about finding a good therapist to work on these issues? I've been in therapy off and on since I was 16, but we rarely worked on issues around alcoholism. Usually we just worked on my depression. I think I'm finally stable enough with the depression that I can work on the ACOA issues in my life.

I'm so sorry it took so long to reply. First I had to make sure that the therapist and I "clicked" and if we didn't, then I looked for another therapist. If I didn't feel really comfortable -- able to really "spill my guts" with the therapist ---then I looked for another one. Finally I found a female psychologist (I prefer psychologists) who I really "clicked" with. She REALLY understood me and we could really talk!!

We got down to the nitty gritty -- all the horrible stories of the physical fights between my mom & dad, and the fear that my sisters and I felt, plus the neglect that went on. We got into the deep deep resentment that I felt towards both my parents, but mostly my mother. My dad went to work everyday, but she never did anything except she DID make dinner. Other than that she slept all day cause she was hungover. She was no mother. So I had alot of resentment.

I found out in therapy that my parents gave me what THEY were given. Even my mother. Children learn what they live -- even my parents!! So they couldn't give me something they didn't have. Somewhere along the line, I decided my kids were NOT going to grow up that way, and I LAVISHED attention on them, and love too! Not one day goes by where I don't tell them I love them, even today and they grown up! The cycle has to stop somewhere. My daughter is a good mother now, thank God!!

So therapy definitely helped me. How long did it take? I started therapy in my early 20's and it was off and on when I learned this - until I was in my early 30's. but I went back into therapy with my daughter in my 40's as she and I were having trouble with her father. That's another story. lol

I wish you the very best. God bless and PLEASE take care. Hugs, Lee

Leed, I really can relate to your story, and i did finally forgive my parents in the end. They were great parents, but drank every weekend and my sister and i were left with 8 younger brothers and sisters to take care of when they went out. I always wondered why my mother hated me on some days and on others she loved the heck out of us.It was due to weather she had drank the night before as i figured out after I started drinking myself at age 15. My sister commited suicide in 1987 and then they woke up. They apologised to all of us, in which turn I felt so bad for them-who's parents apologised to their kids? That really opened my eyes as they knew now what we all went through. Another thing is that their generation was grown up believing drinking was not a bad thing.What they learned themselves was that drinking was an everyday thing to do if they wanted to do and that was ok. My grandparents lived through Prohibition and they were also taught it was ok too. It just got passed down from the generations, they also had to deal with World Wars etc. WEll to sign off, I'm happy you are ok with your drinking now and praise you from the bottom of my heart, not many people can do what you did to get yourself help.!!! CHEERS!and Happy St. Paddy's day!!

How long? It depends, it's different for everyone. My advice would be to not worry about how long it might take, and to simply focus on getting healthier. It will be okay, things will work out. Try to be patient with yourself.