[KDawn13]

Hello, my name is KDawn. I sought out this forum hoping that I could receive some guidance. I am not an ACoA, but rather the adult child of an ACoA. My mother was raised by two parents who were alcoholics, my grandmother being the worse of the two.

Recently I have come to realize that my mother really needs some help. She has become bitter, angry, resentful, jealous, and cruel. Actually, she has always been that way, but it seems to be getting worse. It is to the point where even her young grandchildren are aware of her bitterness and negativity, through observations of their own.

She doesn't think there is anything wrong with her; we have suggested counseling and I myself have tried to talk to her about the issues she holds on to from her childhood. She outright denies everything, and it simply causes more anger and hostility.

It is getting to the point where I don't want to be around her. She cannot find a positive thing about any aspect of life and the negativity is beginning to effect her health and our sanity.

I want to help her, I want her to be happy....I just don't know what to do.

[gayleggg]

The sad thing is we can't make people want to change. It sounds like you have tried all the right things but she is refusing to admit to a problem. Do you have family members that could go with you to talk her. But my experience is if someone doesn't want help or want to change there's not much you can past what you have already tried. Sorry to be negative, but I've been there with my father when he was alive.
Gayle

[JadeAmethyst]

I will step up here and admit that I used to be like your Mom. The thing is it is miserable feeling this way. I wanted to change. The hostility, anger and rage not to mention self-hatred, neglect, and bitterness hardened my heart so much that it alienated me from friends, family, work and life. It is a dismal way to live. I hated life. I remembered feeling that way from childhood. Your Mom probably has lots of hurt and pain.

I had a long time friend that I called from time to time who reminded me of my own basic goodness. It took lots of patience, but it was helpful. Not perfect, but good enough.

Just don't give up on her. I'm not saying to sacrifice your life for her, just don't give up on her. Is there a family member, church or social network for you?
please PM me if you want to talk further. I hope this will be somewhat helpful to you.
Wishing you and your family well at this time.
warm regards
Jade