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sideblinded
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Trig Dec 20, 2014 at 01:43 AM
  #1
Hi Everyone

Welcome to the Adult Children of Alcoholics Forum.

We have many forums here that involve a lot of issues also related to being brought up in an alcoholic home. There is no doubt that difficult issues face adult children of alcoholics. There is also residual fallout that comes long after one leaves their alcoholic home and this causes much distress for years to come. This is a place set aside for young adults and old adults who want to share their experiences as an adult child of an alcoholic and get support about issues that stem from their alcoholic childhood environment. There is no shame in talking about these issues as they occurred while we were children and maybe we couldn't talk about it then.

Please remember to use the trigger icon if you share content that may be triggering for other members since neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse can be part of their experience and these things can be very difficult subjects for other members.

Please also share support and hope in whatever way that you found it.

If you have any questions about when or how to use the trigger icon feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator.

Best wishes on your journey!

Last edited by sideblinded; Dec 20, 2014 at 02:39 AM..
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Default Dec 20, 2014 at 02:31 AM
  #2
Thank you sideblinded for sharing this with us.
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Default Jan 09, 2015 at 01:33 PM
  #3
Love this site, and hope to get help and support from it. Mother was raging alcoholic during childhood, took me to bars as her sidekick, sometimes to AA, and generally was an abusive, neglectful parent. Father left when I was 18 months old. Don't want to scare anyone but need to share. PLease let me know how to do this without "triggering" anyone else. Thank you all.
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Default Jan 10, 2015 at 12:46 AM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by simonesparrow View Post
Love this site, and hope to get help and support from it. Mother was raging alcoholic during childhood, took me to bars as her sidekick, sometimes to AA, and generally was an abusive, neglectful parent. Father left when I was 18 months old. Don't want to scare anyone but need to share. PLease let me know how to do this without "triggering" anyone else. Thank you all.
Welcome simonesparrow....It is best to start a new thread when posting rather than posting here. If you feel that your post may be triggering click on the trigger icon that looks like the red ball with an x through it and apply it to your post. Hope this helps.
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Default Jul 15, 2015 at 07:19 PM
  #5
Hey I'm junior and have just found out acoa I have also been diagnosed as bipolar. I can always remember my dad drinking and getting mad. He used to break stuff in our house in his drunken rage. I guess I was lucky to have my mom because she was sober but I still feel the pain of my fathers actions. It's taken me a long time to express my emotions because I too became an alcoholic. I regret many things in my life and until I have sought out treatment for my addiction problems I felt alone in a cold world. I am 25 now and I have been hospitalized numerous times. I had a psychotic breakdown three years ago majorly caused by my lack of expression. I haven't looked at the inside of me in many years. I have had major relationship issues which kills me because one of my biggest goals is to have a family of my own. I lack communication skills and I also try not to make waves seeing that I hate confrontation I have been an addict for over 8 years starting with alcohol then when that wasn't enough I added pot that wasn't enough so I added cocaine the ketamine all in search of feeling better. I don't hate my father for his anger and lack of love for me. I live with my parents still and am still afraid of him. He has calmed down tremendously but I. Haven't gotten over the past yet. I guess I'm just asking for help because it's been so long that I've held all of this in
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Default Feb 09, 2017 at 11:24 PM
  #6
My mother has been an alcoholic since I was a little girl both parents actually. My mother is ill now liver problems , but she won't quit so she is dying. She is my mother my best friend we live together. I can't take change.not even little changes. Scared stiff!!
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Default Jul 04, 2017 at 02:08 AM
  #7
As far as this Topic goes, I'm numb to it all, Roman Catholics like my Mother get drunk, beat the children, etc.
There is nothing that anyone can say that would shock me, as I've either lived thru 'it' or know someone that has.
Seems like a good spot to hang out with other Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents.
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Angry Jul 04, 2017 at 02:19 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by sideblinded View Post
Hi Everyone

Welcome to the Adult Children of Alcoholics Forum.

We have many forums here that involve a lot of issues also related to being brought up in an alcoholic home. There is no doubt that difficult issues face adult children of alcoholics. There is also residual fallout that comes long after one leaves their alcoholic home and this causes much distress for years to come. This is a place set aside for young adults and old adults who want to share their experiences as an adult child of an alcoholic and get support about issues that stem from their alcoholic childhood environment. There is no shame in talking about these issues as they occurred while we were children and maybe we couldn't talk about it then.

Please remember to use the trigger icon if you share content that may be triggering for other members since neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse can be part of their experience and these things can be very difficult subjects for other members.

Please also share support and hope in whatever way that you found it.

If you have any questions about when or how to use the trigger icon feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator.

Best wishes on your journey!



















I wrote my post, looked but found no icons, so I wanted to ask you where I was to find these pesky icons, and 'Lo and behold' they are on your reply, why just from your reply and Not the bottom comment section..
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Default Nov 25, 2017 at 09:42 AM
  #9
Hi Everyone -

I've known about ACOA for about 45 years. I am now 67 (in two weeks). I've been in ACOA live groups, but there is not one where i live now. I've read Melody Beattie and a few others. I thought I understood how my parents alcoholism affected me, but I think there are layers. About 18 months ago I found out I was married to a sex addict. This was my 5th marriage (and now 5th divorce). Number 4 was also a sex addict but I didn't know enough about it to understand that this was the problem. He could not stop watching internet porn (I now know that is the "gateway drug) and he became increasingly hostile and aggressive toward me, finally pushing me into the outside corner of a wall and that crossed a line for me. I was married to #5 for 5 years and the "discovery" was traumatic. I had no idea. That's another story. He is in SAA and we have an amicable, civil divorce and relationship. I had a serious PTSD response but now, 18 months later, I think that has mostly subsided. I use mindfulness as an aide. My 47 year old daughter is also an alcoholic. I have had all of her kids at different times for 6-7 months reasons related to her drinking. That last time was her 4th DUI and her youngest twins were 10. As soon as she got off probation, she started drinking again.

I am online with you now because after another round of counseling following the discovery of #5's sex addiction, I thought I understood yet another layer of ACOA - Not codependence, but neglect, which for ACOA seems "normal." A year out from my discovery and 6 months out from divorce, I started seeing someone who paid a lot of attention to me and after years of neglect this was awesome. But now I believe he is an alcoholic. It is still hard for me to tell where the boundary is between "problem drinker" and "alcoholic." Where I am with that now is "If your drinking interferes with your responsibilities, including your responsibilities to your relationships, then it is a problem."

After a few months of "good behavior" dating, I started noticing behavioral changes when he drinks. He gets self-centered, irritable, and argumentative. It was hard to see at first because I think he is a fairly high-functioning drinker, meaning it is hard to tell the difference between drinking and sober (although sober he often displays symptoms of bipolar or depression).

So I am here because geeze, I thought I was over codependence. I thought I was over being attracted to addicts. You have to realize that you cannot "see" sex addiction the same way you can see drunkenness. So it was MY radar for addicts, clearly. Out of 5 marriages, 4 were definitely addicts and the other was depressed. I really need some support to draw and maintain better boundaries, to deal with my low-self-esteem issues that draw me to addicts, and not to get drawn back into a relationship with this most recent man. He is intelligent, interested in many of the same things I am (like yoga, poetry, dancing, opera, any live music etc) so I had been so starved for companionship...I will miss that. And he was/is very emotionally engaged and intimate and I had missed that too. But problems arise from his drinking and I have to say "no" and mean it. Thanks for any advice and support.
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Default Jul 22, 2018 at 05:20 PM
  #10
This is my first post here. Are there any recent posts from Adult Children. I was going to meetings but had to stop because of depression.
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Confused Aug 15, 2018 at 10:58 PM
  #11
Greetings and salutations, my fellow ACOA's...
I'm so glad that i stumbled upon the PsychCentral website and I'm looking forward to exploring my psyche(sp?) again . It has been many years since I've participated in any kind of therapeutic activity or had any kind of psychological/ emotional outlet.
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Default Aug 28, 2018 at 10:56 AM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by sideblinded View Post
Hi Everyone

Welcome to the Adult Children of Alcoholics Forum.

We have many forums here that involve a lot of issues also related to being brought up in an alcoholic home. There is no doubt that difficult issues face adult children of alcoholics. There is also residual fallout that comes long after one leaves their alcoholic home and this causes much distress for years to come. This is a place set aside for young adults and old adults who want to share their experiences as an adult child of an alcoholic and get support about issues that stem from their alcoholic childhood environment. There is no shame in talking about these issues as they occurred while we were children and maybe we couldn't talk about it then.

Please remember to use the trigger icon if you share content that may be triggering for other members since neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse can be part of their experience and these things can be very difficult subjects for other members.

Please also share support and hope in whatever way that you found it.

If you have any questions about when or how to use the trigger icon feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator.

Best wishes on your journey!
I'm glad I found this group. There are no ACA meetings for 40 miles from me so I've been going to online meetings on In The Rooms or the adultchildren.org site. I've hated myself all my life and thought I wasn't good enough for most things. I always thought others were better than me. My childhood was crazy so this forum is great.

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Default Apr 07, 2020 at 10:15 AM
  #13
Hey everybody. First time here. Done some ACA meetings in the past. I would like to learn how to connect with other people and myself. I have been isolating, stuck in fear and confusion. Partly from the shock and heartbreak of what happened as a child, living in denial and anger for years, but the emotional burden of it all. Who can I trust? Will that continue to happen to me again? Will I be like that to other people? How am I supposed to forgive my parents, myself for acting out? I have so many questions and I need a fellow travelers help.
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Default Aug 08, 2021 at 11:03 AM
  #14
Why are there only 3 posts (including mine) on this board? Where did the rest of them go? Do they self-delete after a bit?

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Default Aug 08, 2021 at 02:40 PM
  #15
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Originally Posted by Moose72 View Post
Why are there only 3 posts (including mine) on this board? Where did the rest of them go? Do they self-delete after a bit?
If you click on the thread title (a c o a), you will see the select criteria used, "last 100 days". You can alter this to see earlier posts. They dont self-delete, they just dont display unless you change the select criteria.
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Default Aug 09, 2021 at 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
If you click on the thread title (a c o a), you will see the select criteria used, "last 100 days". You can alter this to see earlier posts. They dont self-delete, they just dont display unless you change the select criteria.
Thanks!

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Default Dec 26, 2023 at 02:31 AM
  #17
Thank you for sharing this
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