First time posting in a while

Hi folks.

Last time I posted, I was looking for answers to my ACOA past, and struggling with drinking and relationship issues myself. I'm still doing all those things, but with one twist: My mom passed away last year. She was the co-dependent one -- the one who never drank and tried in vain to keep all the violent drunks in our family from being violent drunks. It's been really hard to find my way without her, and today I'm having a really hard time.

Right now I'm trying to see if there's anyone else like me out there. I am a 48 year old woman, never married and no children. Mom and dad are gone (dad drank himself to death when I was 18), brother died of alcoholic-related liver cancer in 2006. No other siblings. I have a grown niece and nephew who aren't very close themselves (they have different mothers), and a couple of aunts, an uncle and several cousins. I have very little contact with my fathers's family.

My relationship has never been good, but right now it's particularly bad (mainly communication issues). My thing is, I feel so alone. I mean, really alone. I know adult orphans but usually they have siblings or children. I'm terrified of leaving this relationship because I feel he's the only thing I have left, even if it's rocky. I just feel really alone, and I wonder if there's anyone else out there in my situation.

Hi Caliope. Welcome back.

My condolences for the loss of your mother. She sounds like she had a tough life but did a lot to help others.

It is tough feeling all alone looking for family to confide in. I am not physically without parents but have never been able to talk to them about the most pressing issues I face. Psych Central has helped me find people that understand and empathize without judgment or expectation. That is a consolation for me.

Hope you find consoling here at Psych Central.

Thank yo so much CANDC. I'm looking forward to getting to know more people online.

Hi Caliope, glad to see you back here but sorry to hear about your mom. You have had a lot of loss in your life related to alcohol. How is your situation with your own drinking these days? to answer your question, if there are any others out there like you, well I know what it feels like to be really lonely. So we share that and also have had my own relationship and drinking issues as well. You are not alone. With the relationship, I don't have any advice for you, but if you are really unhappy it sounds like something is in need of change. Good luck.

I definitely know what it's like to have no safe place to fall and feel stuck because it's too scary to let go. I am always fighting the good fight by myself. My family never learned to support each other and be there for each other. I have a brother who is understanding but is trying to keep himself above the bull... so his hands are full.

I did not function well in a marriage and was too scared to have kids - because of what I went through

I have a couple close friends I've been able to lean on a bit... but it's uncomfortable for me to accept the help.

Time, therapeutic support, meds, better thinking has helped me carry on. I love my friends but they really do not the depths of my history and behavior because of it.

Being here is helpful too. Keep talking to outside support - you will gain the strength to move on - they may be able to come up with ideas to manage your living environment until you can get out. Start a plan when you are up to it to get out.

I am so sorry about your mother - you know she would not want you to be miserable. Let the memories of her strength give you comfort and motivation to make the next steps.

I am so sorry about your Mom.
I know what it feels to be totally alone. Thanks for sharing this. My Mom is an alcoholic She forced my relatives, my Dad and brothers, and close family friends to choose between her or me. I lost. My husband is troubled too. Fortunately, he failed when he tried to convince my children that it was my fault that he had an affair with a girl half his age and then left me. I have my kids and my cats and friends who are not part of his wealthy successful world. I go to Cuddle Parties to hug people, and meet friends at different groups - at the end of the day, because my new friends are gentle, we get along. I still feel like an orphan. Perhaps we can start an orphanage for 50 year olds. When you join you get free hugs for life, you just have to ask. A lot of what it meant to be part of my family, and my marriage was play acting - so it is nice to not have to play a role anymore.

Oh my gosh! Thank you guys all for posting and sharing your stories. I love the idea of the orphanage for the over 50 set! As for my drinking, I'm still drinking too much, but I am sober tonight. My goal right now is to just take things day by day.

I did make an appointment today with a therapist, and told her about my ACOA and grief issues. I already feel better having taken this step.

That's fantastic! You are on your way!For the orphanage, can it be all ages? I know some 18 year old kids aging out of foster care that still need families and homes. ANd multi-generational relationships are great for what we learn from one another. Hugs to you! I'm proud of you, Caliope - for staying sober tonight and more importantly, making a commitment to yourself by taking these first steps!

Of course all ages are welcome. 18 year old kids are so beautiful. One thing good about being 50 is that when you look at other people going through stages of life, they are so precious and kind of funny to me now that I have been where they are and I remember how serious I was about everything. I have some 70 year old friends who smile at me when I describe my worries. Welcome friend.