[gnat]

My recovering alcoholic, ongoing narc addict father passed away last month. It was hard. Some people thought it should be easy because of the violence in my childhood, but they were wrong.

When I put together a speech for his funeral, a family member requested I didn't mention his alcoholism. It was hard, as so many of my memories started with, "One time when Dad was really drunk.." After a lot of time, I was able to come up with good memories.It should have made me feel better, but it made losing him all the more. We had just begun building a relationship as he had quit drinking and was weaning off the narcs. Just as I was beginning to get to know him, he was taken away.

I'm not looking for a response or condolences, I'm just trying to be honest about my feeling, because I cannot around my family without making them feel uncomfortable.

[Cat_Lover_58]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Gnat, I am sorry for you loss. Your story is bitter sweet. You grew up with his disfunction yet you got to see the gift of his sobriety and wanting to restore and make right all the wrong doings. It sounds to me that he was a very loving kind man at the end. No one can make up for a lifetime of wrongs, and i know that two wrongs dont' make a right. So feel comforted knowing that your Dad is grateful that you accepted him, his new self and that was the gift he had to offer you before he passed. Hold onto that. Perhaps in time your family can look past all the past hurtful stuff and realize that he did change, and can reflect on what he was trying to do. Be kind to yourself, be patient for the rest of them. And when you feel bad, pray for them and it will alleviate the tension and stress that they are projecting towards you. tc.

[avlady]

I am soo sorry for your loss. i am happy you got to see the other good side of him in his last days too, you're lucky, some never do.

[TerriLynn]

Knat, I am sorry for your loss and feel the same as you. Though it has been some time since my mom passed away. She died at the age of 46, I was only 27 then and am 45 now. She didn't raise me, (and was still drinking) and we had just really begun building a relationship based on friendship when she got ill. The hardest part is the loss of the potential, not the loss of the past relationship, which I think is just as hard. I still wish I had her to call and talk to when good things happen.

[brainhi]

I'm very sorry. I know you are grieving but I am so happy that you both had the experience of a relationship without him being messed up. Have the best life you can... I'm sure he would want that for you. You have understanding here.