[rachel_]

I am an adult child of a mother who has developed a sporadic drinking problem over the last year and a half or so. In fact, she's in the throes of one of her binges right now. She'll be good and not drink for a few months, then she will start in and keep it up until she's in the hospital. The last time, she had been drinking for about 10 days and got so weak that she couldn't get off the couch and laid there for 6 days. (I am not living with her right now and thought when I couldn't get in touch with her that it was because she chose not to talk to me.) She almost died that time and spent 17 days in the hospital. She wasn't sure she'd ever walk again. This was in January. She has managed not to drink until the last three or four days, but she's back to walking around half-naked, drinking beer and talking about wanting to be dead. She says AA won't help. Her drinking is in response to dealing with the long-hidden trauma of being raped by both her older brother and her father over a span of several years when she was a little kid. She's not the kind of person who will go to a therapist, unfortunately.

I'm not sure of the point of my post, other than to vent about what's going on with her a little bit.

I hope I'm not in the wrong forum, but if I am, please move the post to the appropriate place.

[Dont_Follow]

I would say you are in the right place. We are all helpless when it comes to this. Do you have 4-5 family members who are close to her that would be willing to do an intervention?

Ultimately we do not have control over others, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to get through to them and help.

[rachel_]

We are a very small family, and I don't know if anyone would do an intervention on her. My brother wants to put her in assisted living, though that wouldn't keep her from drinking. If only I could get her to seek some sort of help for what happened to her when she was a little girl, I think she'd be able to get better, but my mother is a very private person and I don't know that she would share what happened with a therapist. I only learned about what her father did yesterday evening. She says she thinks it's why she drinks and calls herself a coward, even though that couldn't be further from the truth.

Even if I could stage an intervention, I don't know where she could go, to tell the truth. I have no real knowledge of the treatment centers in the surrounding area of where she is living, and whether they would take Medicare insurance. It is an idea to mull over, though, and I thank you for it.

[Dont_Follow]

Since she does go periods without drinking, rehab might not be necessary. I think it would be wise to find a good therapist as well as a psychiatrist for her. Finding a good therapist is difficult even with a person who is more than willing to go, but I would look for one that works for PTSD. It's worth a try, and a psychiatrist can treat the associated anxiety and depression in the meantime.

[rachel_]

Your suggestion makes a lot of sense, and I'm going to see what I can do about looking for a therapist that has experience in dealing with PTSD and/or childhood trauma. Thanks so much.

i'm sorry you have to go through this rachel.

always here for you if you need to talk about something.

((((((hugs)))))

[rachel_]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i'm sorry you have to go through this rachel.

always here for you if you need to talk about something.

((((((hugs)))))

Thank you so much--I really appreciate it.

[HollowRhythms]

Wow. Your story really touches me, not only because my mother is similar in terms of drinking, but also her past. It's hard watching someone do that to themselves. My mother as well won't see anyone, she's promised to stop drinking on numerous occasions, the last time she did, i was in detox myself.

If she doesn't want to get help for herself, it's very hard to force someone. The only thing i can really think of is if she's that suicidal, maybe you can get her committed? Being somewhere safe, where she almost has to talk about her crap, could be the start of a long recovery, which obviously has many bumps along the way.

I wish there were more ideas I had for you. I'm just very sorry you're going thru this, it gets quite hard watching someone kill themselves and not want to do anything about it.

On a side note. You belong just as much as anyone else.
PM me if you like, we have a lot in common, and sometimes that alone can help.

[rachel_]

Originally Posted by HollowRhythms

Wow. Your story really touches me, not only because my mother is similar in terms of drinking, but also her past. It's hard watching someone do that to themselves. My mother as well won't see anyone, she's promised to stop drinking on numerous occasions, the last time she did, i was in detox myself.

If she doesn't want to get help for herself, it's very hard to force someone. The only thing i can really think of is if she's that suicidal, maybe you can get her committed? Being somewhere safe, where she almost has to talk about her crap, could be the start of a long recovery, which obviously has many bumps along the way.

I wish there were more ideas I had for you. I'm just very sorry you're going thru this, it gets quite hard watching someone kill themselves and not want to do anything about it.

On a side note. You belong just as much as anyone else.
PM me if you like, we have a lot in common, and sometimes that alone can help.

She has been committed for very short periods twice because of being suicidal, but there was never anything positive that came out of it, but if it comes down to it, she'll have to be committed again for her own safety. She has sobered up today, though I'm not sure how long that will last. It's like I said to her--she can only take this one day at a time and try to get through it by minutes or hours. She keeps saying that she knows she's doing the wrong thing by drinking, but her depression seems to get to a point that she has to find some sort of oblivion. For the moment, she seems to be safe, and for that I'm grateful.

[dancinglady]

Originally Posted by rachel_

She has been committed for very short periods twice because of being suicidal, but there was never anything positive that came out of it, but if it comes down to it, she'll have to be committed again for her own safety. She has sobered up today, though I'm not sure how long that will last. It's like I said to her--she can only take this one day at a time and try to get through it by minutes or hours. She keeps saying that she knows she's doing the wrong thing by drinking, but her depression seems to get to a point that she has to find some sort of oblivion. For the moment, she seems to be safe, and for that I'm grateful.

Try to find a therapist that not only does trauma work but one that does DBT.

[rachel_]

Is that dialectical behavior therapy, or does it stand for something else? Thanks.

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by rachel_

Her drinking is in response to dealing with the long-hidden trauma of being raped by both her older brother and her father over a span of several years when she was a little kid.

Now that my late wife has passed, I am learning of the childhood molestation of her oldest daughter which explains the daughter's frequent use of booze to deal with "stuff". There are a few other molestation/rape events amongst other family members which explains an instance of CANCER and all the "social" drinking in my late wife's family but all of them believe they are "normal" and OK. There is vast trauma and unhappiness in my late wife's family and I have no idea other than talking how to confront any of their issues or DENIAL. At recovery, I was told that nobody ever comes willingly to the rooms until they absolutely want HELP and are willing to do anything to get help so, I don't see how your mother or anyone in my late wife's family is ever going to get help so long as they are stuck in Denial and unwilling to go for help.

She's not the kind of person who will go to a therapist, unfortunately.

Looks like she, like those in my late wife's family, will have to suffer and then go to her grave still stuck in Denial. It's a real shame how Denial hurts and then kills so many folks who could otherwise live a happier life despite what happened in their past.