Mother was a drunk so Mother's Day is hard

Hi everyone.

I've been a bit depressed since Mother's Day and I figured out why. It's because my first memory of my mother is of her passed out drunk on the couch. (My father drank too but he is "functional.") My mother abandoned me to drink when I was a toddler and still I'm supposed to pretend she was this "amazing" mother one day a year and it's tough.

Picking out cards was difficult because none of the messages was true. My therapist suggested that next year I just get her a blank card and wish her a Happy Mothers Day in it and tell her in it I love her, which I do despite everything. That way I don't have to include any compliments. I like that idea.

She drank in secret during the day when my father was at work and would sober up in time when he got home. Only myself and a couple of cousins know about this because she got drunk one night 15 years ago and admitted it to them. So, it's a bit secret in my family that no one will talk about.

It's tough on a person to have to carry around family secrets.

Thanks for reading. Hope everyone is hanging in there.

--Ceara

I totally understand your feelings towards your mother. Mine chose a lifestyle that didn't include us kids. I never felt compelled to honor her on Mother's day, tho I did love her. (She passed a few years ago.) She never seemed to expect anything either, so...

If you are an adult and on your own, it's your choice whether to do the traditions or not. If you are still with her, then you might have to do as expected until you can decide for yourself.

I'm disabled and financially dependent on my parents. But I am grateful to my father for this, not my mother, as he was the one who made the money. (Mom just drank and shopped.)

I understand. Mother's day is so hard.

My mother passed away a few years ago. I found it hard this Mother's Day because I remembered the pain she caused because of her drinking. She wanted to not be a mother to me at a time when I needed a mother. And all because of booze and her fighting with my dad.

My mother didn't want to be a mother, too. But she was from the 50s generation and all women were allowed to be then were mothers.