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Old 02-16-2021, 01:43 PM   #1
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Default realizing the hard truth

I think I have known that my father had acholic issues since I was little but actually admitting to myself and to others that this was the cause has taken me this long.

there was a lot of abuse from my father that was verbal, and physical that I'm still dealing with and coping with to this day.

I won't say that my father and his abuse was the main cause of PTSD but it was the beginning of my trauma and since then I've had a whole mess of trauma happen to me.

To the point of having CPTSD, its difficult for me to admit and realize that he does have this issue. But it actually makes sense because, I have memories of when I was in high school of him.

Attending my choir, concerts and almost ALWAYS when I saw him afterwards and gave him a hug. I would smell beer on his breath.

Because of the fact my father, is such a toxic person in my life, and continued to be so. I have thus since, cut off contact with.

it saddens me, but I also know that not having that in my life is probably the best thing for me.
Dx:OCD, AD/HD-C and ADD kinda both, General Anxiety Disorder, Separation Anxiety Disorder,Abandonment Anxiety, Cycothymic disorder, or mixed bipolar, Border Line Personality Disorder,Histonic Personality Disorder, Dependent Personality disorder, eating disorder
]Rx:Lamotrigine 25mg twice a day for my mood stablizer as well as I am on Escitalopram 10mg 1 daily, Buspirone 3 times daily 10mgs
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for my father I think of you everyday
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Old 02-25-2021, 05:14 PM   #2
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Default Re: realizing the hard truth

Dear kala83,

I think your thoughts and feelings are totally understandable given that situation. Wish I knew what else to say but it is hard to put my ideas into English. I do want to wish you the very best!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Old 03-02-2021, 09:29 AM   #3
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Default Re: realizing the hard truth

So Sorry for what you've been through! i Hope you will be able to rebuild your relationship with your father in future. We need to focus on ourselves too if we want to be Healthy. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @kala83, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Old 03-02-2021, 10:10 AM   #4
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Default Re: realizing the hard truth

Itís sad, but I think youíre right in that you need to cut down, or even cut off contact in order to let yourself start healing. Maybe not forever, but I think that depends on your relationship, the progress you make and how you think you want to proceed in the future.
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Old 03-10-2021, 11:06 AM   #5
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Children genuinely do not understand what it really means when a parent struggles with alcohol abuse disorder. Yet, the child can "feel" it and struggle to understand why the parent's mood changes so much and how a parent can even get very mean and scary. Also a child can witness a parent act out, yell, and even throw things around and treat the other parent badly. Children do NOT understand what they are witnessing and it causes the child to feel unsafe and not know what to do about it.

These feelings of doing something wrong if you finally say "my parent was and is an alcoholic" can go way back for someone. It was often something that was not permitted to talk about because the alcoholic parent did not like that. Alcoholics live in a world of DENIAL and they can get very angry if anyone says they have a problem. They WANT enablers around them to say it's ok to drink.

The problem with alcohol consumption is there is a period in the consumption where the alcoholic can actually be caring and nice as if they took medication and are better. Then the alcoholic can get to a level of alcohol where they can get very mean and even act out. Also, when a parent or partner is stressed they can act out and get down right mean because their body is actually craving the alcohol and also the person never learned how to regulate their emotions on their own.

This makes it VERY confusing for a child because the child simply doesn't understand what alcoholism really means. So, it's no wonder the child develops anxiety issues as they simply never really know what mood a parent is going to be in and if it will be "safe".
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