Acoa rears it’s ugly head again

Got a new therapist. First one in many years. I’m diagnosed bipolar 1 since 2005. Been hospitalized for it several times. Seeing a Pdoc. Then my new therapist- after not seeing one for 10 years on our second meeting wants to talk about. My late alcoholic dad! I’d never spoken to anyone about growing up an ACOA. She is hinting that my np really isn’t bp but ACOA stuff! We went through all the abuse both I and my dad had to endure as kids. So I might not be bipolar! I’m so confused. Mad. Feel betrayed.

@Moose72 I am sorry you experienced trauma growing up. That must have been rough.

My friend has multiple diagnoses and they all seem like they are meshed together and affect them at different times. I know they want mental health to be simple but it seems to be more complicated than that.

Hope you get support from your therapist and MSF

CANDC

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I think you might be misunderstanding this therapist. It sounds like she is trying to get your history to get a better idea of what to work on with you. Two sessions is not enough to diagnose you and this therapist may not be a clinical psychologist that can diagnose patients.

My sister and I talked for an hour recently about our dad and then I talked with my mom about him. Found out that he was doing drugs and drinking when I was growing up. Never at home. He kicked our cat so hard he broke her leg. He lied and said she ran under a car! I have lots to talk with my therapist next time! How do you reconcile the good memories with the bad?

Things aren't black and white. Yeah, your dad fked up a lot, but there's a way to integrate the fact that people aren't "good" or "bad" (nothing really is). He may have hidden a lot of his maliciousness, probably for his own good, but in a way it may have protected you from the brunt of his toxicity when you were a child. Maybe not. Depends on how you connected what you like about him/disliked about him and his positive behaviors/negative behaviors.

When my dad was still alive, his actions were by no means hidden and I was involved in a lot of his chaos. I learned it's the way to live, drugs/alcohol are the way to go, shove your frustration and pain in front of people and spread it instead of trying to take in others' help. Maybe if I had another experience with a healthier way of living/environment, I'd be able to compare the two and see the healthier way as better and learn not to follow his footprints. Maybe not. Who knows. Doesn't matter now. What matters is recognizing cause and effect and seeing if the effects of what happens are worth creating the cause, and if not, taking action to avoid it.

Basically, try to keep in mind you did have fond memories even though he wasn't the greatest person behind the scenes. I'm sure you had memories perceived as bad, and you can also focus on that but remind yourself of his better qualities (if he didn't you probably wouldn't have had good memories). Look at the big picture and try to see him as a whole person and not just a list of "good" and "bad" which, I don't know about anyone else, but for me cannot be fused in anyway other way because it's hard to focus on more than one characteristic at a time. It's basically turning a zebra (black/white stripes) into an elephant (grey).