[simones]

Hello,
Difficult situation here. My original family is dysfunctional and although alcoholism is not rampant , the obsessive compulsive addiction like behaviors are. I’m a recovering alcoholic sober 25 years. active in AA with stepwork, meetings and I have a sponsor .
I’ve joined ACA last week.and went to two meetings.
As i dysfunction is a family problem with denial, blaming and scapegoating with passive aggressiveness, shaming and gaslighting, it’s come up again over Christmas
I lmoved in with my sister in my mother’s house to look after our mother. She passed away in 2021 aged 93. Since then, my nephew moved in because he lost his job. Since then, it’s been drama and survival instinct( which I’ve lived with aall my life) my sister is controlling, passive aggressive towards me. I have tried to keep quiet but it came to a head on Christmas as her son is drinking and caused a drama. I’m by this time judgmental, critical and frightened. My daughter comes to visit and there’s always a drama which makes me angry and resentful because I want her to feel safe. My nephew refuses to get help. I’ve also joined AL Anon. I’’ve tried to speak to my sister but she’s become bery punishing. I’can’t move out as I don’t have a job.(I’m retired) . I’m worried for my sobriety and don’t know how to handle this.

[Yaowen]

I am so very, very sorry you are in this situation. It is heartbreaking that your daughter is affected too.

That is a difficult and complex situation. Do you think you could muster the resources to consult with a professional psychotherapist?. Such a professional is trained on sorting out the tight knots of family problems. I think it would be helpful if you had a professional therapist in your corner, someone to lean on for support and advice.

Wish I could think of something better, but I am at a loss. Maybe others here will have better ideas. I hope you can get the knot untangled and for the sake of your daughter too. My heart goes out to you.

[simones]

Thank you for your answer.

I have weekly CBT sessions and also do EMDR. I've had 15 years of psychotherapy as well.

My daughter has gone through extensive therapy throughout her 34 years,starting age 8.She says she's happy in her life.Which is all I want to hear.

It seems that as ACA program says there have assigned roles in ACA's families and dysfunctional families. I'm trying very,very hard to be patient, kind and compassionate.