[neverwantedanything]

I'm going to try to keep this short, but I do have a tendency to ramble so try to bear with me.

So, I've considered myself "recovered" from anorexia for about 2 years now, after struggling with it for almost a decade (from 11 to 19). I've been doing good with it, even felt sexy and completely healthy and normal for a long time. But I think I've gained weight recently and it's bringing back all the old thought patterns and urges and it sucks. :/ I don't know if we're allowed to post numbers here, but I gained what I suppose most people would consider a small amount of weight and it's causing me HUGE levels of anxiety and disgust with myself. I don't have a scale but I'm going to the doctor on Monday for something unrelated and will know then. I keep obsessing about how my stomach looks, which is exactly what I used to do and I'm feeling the same way I used to feel about it: gross, depressed, and fat. I am still at what is considered a healthy weight, but ugh this is torturing me.

I intend to lose it back, but how do I keep myself sane in the meantime? How do I stop from obsessing over it and how in the world do I keep eating when I feel fat? I've been skipping meals and avoiding food and discussions of food where possible. I don't know what to do. :/

[CANDC]

I am sorry you are feeling anxiety about eating. One thing I do is eat foods like salad, unsweetened yogurt, protein in small portions, veggies (not starchy ones) and drink enough water.

Skipping meals can actually cause one to binge on high calorie food. I eat small snacks of above every 3-4 hours.

I try to get exercise - plenty of snow to move in New England. I also do yoga and other gentle stretching exercises and meditation to help me get started.

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[pinkflower17]

Have you thought about not getting weighed when you go to the dr? You always have the option to say you don't want to be weighed, unless your dr monitors your weight for ED reasons, then you can always ask not to know the number.
For me, numbers are really triggering. If it's not low enough (and it never is), I tend to freak out and restrict, over exercise, purge more etc. I try to focus on eating healthfully, getting a reasonable amount of exercise rather than the number. Obviously that's so much easier said than done and I'm not doing a very good job of that right now, but I feel better when I do.
I'm sorry you feel so crappy.