I feel like I'm sliding again. Towards anorexia. I think I can get through this rough patch. I'm going through stress and that zaps my appetite. I'm keeping an eye on it. Great thread, thanks. I think people close to me know when it is getting bad, but inside I consider it my little secret. It's helpful to post here and not be judged. I've self-managed this for most of my life. I'm ok.

[eskielover]

The good thing when we open up about the how we are feeling about this, it's also a way of reaching out to be held accountable for what happens in the future. When we keep silent (our little secret) it holds more power over us than when we are open about it....it helps us be accountable for ourself along with the help of others.

[Skeezyks]

The Skeezyks isn't anorexic. But I keep my weight low. At least I think I do... although when I've checked it on various BMI charts they say I'm close to the middle of the normal range. I can't imagine it. If I lost enough additional weight to be at the bottom of the so-called normal range, there'd be nothing left of me but skin & bones! There's not much more than that now! I weigh myself every morning. And if the scale says I've gained weight, I freak out & cut back until I've lost whatever I gained. I don't know what difference it makes. But I can't help it.

[eskielover]

That's basically the point where I'm at now Skeezyks though I have been way under 2 times for a major length of time & I was less than skin & bones. I actually looked like one of those old ladies with all the wrinkles all over my body (anorexia isn't pretty the older you get either...not that it ever is).

But now I aim at keeping at a healthy weight right in the middle of the normal range because living alone, I know that if something does happen like it has in the past, then I have a safe buffer zone before I end up in a bad place again. Though that happened the last time & it went right past the buffer into danger zone because of long term stress triggering it & then not wanting to gain the weight back for fear I wouldn't stop in the other direction.....but I have been very conscientious this time in both directions. NOthing worse than passing out when you are alone. I passed out once when I was in my horses stall from the anorexia. Scared my horse as they are so very sensitive to how we feel......I can't imagine living alone & living like that so it keeps me wanting to be healthy.

I have to admit though there are times when I would really like to be that thin again & honestly there are times when I just don't feel like cooking & I live in the country so any food places are a distance to drive to so sometimes food just isn't even convenient.....but in reality....I would rather be healthy than how horrible I felt when I was that thin & how horrible my straw like hair looked & you think witch hair looks bad...LOL.

Checking in. I'm doing ok. My pdoc has always had me weigh in. Now he's calculating my BMI, too. It's triggering me but I guess he thinks it is needed. I don't like it but I'm dealing with it.

[glitterbutterfly]

I'm getting through almost a week of recovery. Feels liberating to eat again. Never thought I'd feel this okay with it.

[JessLynn]

Majorly slipping. Just leaving the clinic and haven't eaten in two days aside from liquids, and the calorie count is... Well, it's not much. Still freaking out about it because it's more than I consumed yesterday...

[mwaxy]

Originally Posted by Anonymous37904

Checking in. I'm doing ok. My pdoc has always had me weigh in. Now he's calculating my BMI, too. It's triggering me but I guess he thinks it is needed. I don't like it but I'm dealing with it.

huh. It takes 2 seconds to calculate BMI....obviously I'm not interpreting this post correctly.