[GottaWantIt]

(I'm missing a key on my fone, letter between O and Q, rhymes with T)

I was recently diagnosed with "Detendent ersonality with antisocial and borderline traits. This included a Millon's Clinical Multiaxial Inventory, interview, WAIS 4, and some tests on detression and anxiety, Beck's. I hadn't reviously heard of either tests.

I scored an 85 for antiisocial, which is high, but I guess not full blown. Not sure. Looking back, as far as hurting other kids in fights or what not, I never felt remorse, just fear of retaliation, which for a while I thought was remorse. My dad was told that I was defiant to authority when I was 11, and I got into trouble here and there, constantly being laced on on camus sustension (I hate missing that damned key) and I had some issues growing ut, hanging out with kids who got into a lot more trouble than I did, never really felt comfortable. I want to say that I was a caring kid. I joined the Marines when I was 19 and did two Iraq tours and although I've been evaluated and told that I have ost traumatic stress disorder, I really don't think others dying affected me all that much, but I do feel disgusted in saying that.

So I'm confused. I don't feel as though I'm antisocial and I'm even an emotional guy. I know I destise authority. I did well in the Marines and was relatively obedient save a few incidents, but that was kind of different. I'm not sure if I really care for or about others. Because I'm detendent, I go with the flow and have close friends whom I think I care about, but it bothers me to think that maybe I'm just using them because I'm detendent. I know that I like them.

Anyways, sorry for the book, just confused as to whether I care for others or whether I just use them. I know I sincerely like my close friends and I think that I care about them. This dx really has me questioning myself. I often find myself wanting to do the right thing, including for others, but truly not giving a ****.

Do you guys find yourself wanting to care, or is that caring in itself?

[hamster-bamster]

I do not understand the question in your last sentence. Can you please elaborate?

[GottaWantIt]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I do not understand the question in your last sentence. Can you please elaborate?

Is wanting to care a form of caring or emphasizing? Mainly I'm wondering if I care about those close to me or if I just use them because I depend on them or because I like their company.

[hamster-bamster]

You probably mean emphatizing. Yes, wanting to care is a very good start.

[GottaWantIt]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

You probably mean emphatizing. Yes, wanting to care is a very good start.

That's what I meant, empathy. It's this new phone I have to get used to touch screen.

Whether I'm full blown antisocial or not im not sure. Is it possible that maybe I'm maturing, growing out of this disorder? I read that most people improve with personality disorders.

The reason that I want to overcome this disorder is because I don't want to die bitter and alone. I don't want to give in and do something that will land me behind bars for the rest of my life. I know that I cran be a bit cold in relationships with women as far as empathizing. I don't want to be the selfish and manipulative type. My sister pretty much disowned me and those were a few of the things she labeled me as.

[hamster-bamster]

Are you risk-loving or risk-averse?

[GottaWantIt]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Are you risk-loving or risk-averse?

I would say risk adverse but my history kind of says otherwise. Until recently I used to drive recklessly and in the Marines I volunteered to go to Iraq on a security platoon. It was a very risky job considering the mines and IEDs. Then I volunteered to go again as a transport driver in an infantry battalion.

I would still consider myself risk averse but reckless as I've had my license suspect's for reckless driving and have a court date for a DUI.

I was a stationed in Japan and I had sex with four different girls without wearing a condom and for all I know three of them could have gotten pregnant unless they were on birth control. Two thought I really liked them and the other was really pissed off when she realized that I pulled the condom off. I did it for the pleasure.

I guess I'm risk averse but reckless ans risk taking at times.

[hamster-bamster]

You probably want to become less reckless if you want to avoid spending time behind bars. You do not show empathy for the girls with whom you had condomless sex but you can, as a rule, start always using condoms - thin modern condoms are pretty good for pleasure. Same with stuff that is, in theory, leading to time behind bars.