[RogueWolf]

I have days I feel normal and think I'm the same as every other "normal" person yet I have days I feel I must be anti-social and/or crazy. Do other people get that? Like I can cry for things and stuff though I must admit I mostly have to be drunk and playing music for that. There are some situations/ a few people I have cried about too but then again I was drunk around the one person I'm specifically thinking of. Also I felt something weird and unexplainable with that person I haven't felt before. It was strange as I did things for them I never would have even thought of for others. Like go out of my way to get them a drink for example, mostly I found in life I had to learn to do that for guests- like I see whenever I go to other peopls houses how they act- they offer a drink- coffee seems to be the most popular drink offered and I always forget to do things like that or just don't even consider it. I had to push myself to begin to do things like that that seem to come natural for others. Even then I still mostly don't think of it. I can be very generous though, if I order a pizza or something I'll share it as an after thought, though have learnt a bit on that too that it is generally accepted to ask them what they want but it's all such a pain really. Doesn't make me mad it's just kind of annoying to try remember this sht just to seem "normal." I been doing things like that for years though to stop people picking on me, to hide, to blend I guess idk. But the older I got the more of a bother it all seems, why the hell can't I street drink for example? It's not like I'm cutting off people's heads, it's bs, why the hell should some pig have the right to STEAL and EXTORT money from me for something so lame? Why should I have to offer drinks? Can't someone ask if they want something? That leads me to another point- mofo's who go in my fridge- a select few are allowed to do this yet some *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* think they can do this and it makes me very mad but I hide that madness then it comes out later in other forms. Ok so I'm probably off the original topic now but to be honest I really don't give a sht this right here is my soap box I guess so don't whine if it annoys you cos so what? This my post get u own :P *gaurd post with sharp tooth pick* This sht will take out ur eye! lol idk I'm in weird *** mood seriously ha ha ha ha so anyway back to the point, whatever the hell I said up there^^ anyone else get that? Or no? Just me? You too? I'm tired of being the only one in this dark room, it's boring and annoying :/ *metaphor not literal* SPEAK TO ME PEOPLE

[RogueWolf]

also what is people's deal about music at night? wtf? it seems like other people have this big deal about not playing music at certain times and so on- like they have set times for everything, ok so I know the spoken rule sht but seriously do they FEEL that? Like... do they FEEL something that stops them doing that? Stops them playing something they want to hear at say midnight? stops them making a roast at 1am if they feel like it? Stops them from sleeping in the day if they want? Stops them from ust doing what they feel? whats up with that? Logically I get it- rules, work, society blah blah blah blah... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... but seriously how are they so.... hmmm... trained like puppies? O_O Although I think that I must be conformed to a certain small degree as I am in fact human I still don't get this extreme... hmmm... training?.. hmm.. like it reminds me of... sleeper agents in a movie (as a metaphor not literal weird crazy sht lol), like they are trained to do certain things by certain external stimuli or forces- eg nighttime go to sleep- after work-eat then sleep and so on. ROUTINES! thats the sht- they are like programmed by/ into routines like machines... funny the fact I see them as machines/sheep makes me again think I must not be anti-social as anti-socials are described as machines by some but then again who freaking knows? This what I think anyway. Routines have always eluded me :/ still can't keep a sleep routine, lately sleeping all day mostly then awake all night though last night I woke up about midnight n up now at 2.30pm since had to go out to do stuff regardless of wanting to sleep n now I'm up why sleep? Have trouble with that too- don't wanna get up when sleeping- don't wanna sleep when awake :/ hmmmm

[RogueWolf]

maybe I'm just weirder than everyone including the people here LOL ??

[maruf]

Ok, I've got what you're trying to say, at least a part of it. When similar things were happening to me (like don't feel to do/forget to do things), I thought that I was lacking some social skills. Gradually I also discovered that I'm very different from other people in some aspects. Still the former one is also true. Lacking enough social skill may make you uncomfortable in social situations. Some things are common in social gatherings, like offering drinks etc. These are widely practiced. And there are some things that are your native traits, which you could accept as normal. So it's a kind of mixup.

You said that you forget to do things or don't consider to do things like that. Do you feel difficulties while dealing people socially? Like feeling anxious while talking to people? That could be a reason why you forget to do some common things you've mentioned that others usually do.

[RogueWolf]

Well it's weird with people I have know for a long time I don't have so much difficulty always but then sometimes I do, it's something that comes and goes in that case. With people I don't know at all I can either be very charming/engage them/seem to interest them (so far as I can tell) a lot at first but when it gets past surface things I have trouble or I feel very anxious and uncomfortable other times. The offering drinks/normal social stuff people do like that is across the board really- with everyone. Unless I want a drink I don't think of other people needing it naturally. I have begun to sporadically try to do this though sometimes I don't care and figure people can ask if they want something. (The whole thing kind of intrigues me a bit to be honest, not much though.) I seem to be fighting a war between what is logically acceptable and trying to do it and not really caring (not in the malicious or attitude way just apathy maybe?- feeling meh about it like it doesn't mean much either way.)- Sometimes I think I really care about this and other people and then sometimes I wonder if I do care or it's just my logical brain trying to do what other's do for the sake of not having hassles. And because I'm human like they are?? (I probably think too much lol.) hmm in fact does that matter much to most people? Is it a big thing? Do people feel hurt or something if this isn't done? Sorry this might be long or hard to understand sometimes I find it hard to express what I mean properly, feel free to ask if I have said things in confusing way or whatever. I'm kinda discombobulated right now ha ha ha. Basically I can be very easy going and get people to feel at ease sometimes (and I feel at ease) but others I have major anxiety/uncomfortable feeling or feeling like I am making others uncomfortable by not doing these "normal" things. I never used to feel that way, it took me maybe longer than it should have to see that maybe this was something weird about me cos to me it's not weird yet I saw this going on at everyone else's houses/parties whatever for years and it suddenly began to dawn on me that most people did certain things the same way. O_O Sometimes though I have the vague though to do these things but then think meh whatever so it's not just forgetting. I'm honestly not sure of what I have written is able to be understood properly right now, like I said if it's confusing/jumbled then just ask me what I ment, I might be more clear later I don't know. lol. I'm pretty sure I lack some social skills as I got accused of playing control game tonight- I wasn't I was just stunned and wanting to sit and zone out but it frustrated me cos I didn't understand why I got accused of that really. I tend to get frustrated and not be able to communicate how I feel properly at the time something happens like other people too, I have to go think it through and sort it out for a while before it makes sense. I'm not sure if I am anti-social or not but even if I am one thing I know is I'm not of the power hungry sort. I'm more hedonistic and don't like pressure much lol. I just wanted time to stare and chill :/ So you do these things too? Native traits... hmm in "normal", for want of a better word, people wouldn't native traits be doing these things though? (to cultural standards of the place they live in/ thier racial/religious traits?) I have tended to rebel against all the things like that in my life a bit. I tend to have no.. native traits I can think of though I did grow up in a bit of a wilder/undisciplined way so I guess my native traits could be sporadic, erratic, spontanious things maybe. :/

[maruf]

Well I got you. If I skip (whether intentionally or forgetfully) some common social practices, then people would think I'm weird; i.e, if you're eating in front of somebody then offering him to eat with you is considered something called 'courtesy'. If I avoid these common social practices, then people might feel 'weird' about me, although they won't reveal it to me, but its normal that they feel that way. Some people are natural in dealing social situations, but I'm not.

I think these formal behaviors are widely practiced, despite of religious/social/racial variations. And reality is, people do expect these formal behaviors in social situations. Some people are natural in doing these, while some others feel uncomfortable/find it difficult at these.

[RogueWolf]

yeh thats the stuff I mean. thought I replied to this but maybe I was drunk and didn't press enter lol. I think this may be the biggest indicator that I'm "not right" to the point of anti-social... ness lol. Like I said sometimes I feel I am normal- emotionally at least but I have learnt that anti-social people do have emotions about themselves so that doesn't mean much so that leads me back to feeling anti-social cos I'm so different it's hard to find out cos so many wrong things on net and also the whole hollywood bs/media portrayed "anti-social" (which is always some drooling nut job or some extreme genius physco killer) messes with finding out the reality of it. I thought with most people this stuff comes naturally cos they are basically "monkey see, monkey do". I have always been very against the grain so to speak and though I can be very insightful on some things on others I can be very oblivious until something points something out to me, like this issue. I may not be being very clear right now, weird mood so if not then meh ask me what I ment I guess. lol