Aspd relationships?

I'm involved with someone who was diagnosed with conduct disorder and then aspd. He is very self aware. We have discussed his atypical life history and behaviors. I am aware of what aspd means generally and as it applies to him directly.

I don't beat around the bush. If I see an inconsistency, I say so. When I felt he was love bombing, I called him on it. I also have a cluster b personality disorder, so I understand and accept.

My question is, has anyone here diagnosed with or involved with someone who has aspd sustained a long term, happy relationship? The cycle is usually idealize, devalue, discard. Is there a way to change the outcome or is it an inevitability?

Any and all thoughts welcome. No sugar coat necessary.

Cheers.

Anyone with aspd hang out here or does anyone have a recommendation for another resource?

Its my most pertinent issue....

That cycle you’re talking about is more typical of narcissists than socio/psychopaths...

I’ve had a successful relationship before, it ended due to factors outside of both of our control. However, I am speaking as a Narcissist, not as someone with ASPD.

I would say that with your acceptance and tolerance of him already already provides you with an advantage. I personally haven't had a relationship last all that long, but I believe it's definitely sustainable at some point. I must agree with atypical that the process you listed fits best with narcissistic personalities. However, narcissistic tendencies are often found in those with aspd.

Interestingly enough my longest relationship was with a Girl with a b cluster personality disorder. Perhaps there's something to that.

Thanks. Yes perhaps Im thinking of NPD over AsPD, but there is so much overlap in the cluster b disorders particularly. A plate of this with a seasoning of that.

No different than any other relationship perhaps. Im just not finding a lot of info about a good, solid relationship with a psychopath (yes, I know that isnt a diagnosis, but he is who he is) vs the plethora of info saying it cant be done.

Psychopath doesnt equate to terrible person. Just a different personality and challenges.

For whatever reasons, psychopaths tend to find me fascinating lol so I have a few in my life. Two of the ones I know are married, and their relationships have been successful. The people they married are very resistant to manipulation, lying, and gaslighting and know how to counter it, and also just aren’t afraid of said psychopaths (the lack of fear is an absolute must or it isn’t going to work, period)... so, I would say it takes a special kind of person to have a successful relationship with a psychopath, but it certainly isn’t impossible by any stretch of the imagination.

I understand. I attract paths and narcs like Sookie attracts vampires in True Blood. It's like they smell me. Lmao.

I have no fear with him. I know exactly who he is and what he is capable of. It comes down to understanding and respect. We communicate very well.

I find in the world there seem to be a lot of people labeling themselves "psychopaths" and toting how evil they are. My guy is an F1 path. He does not flaunt or brag. He doesn't make threats or try to instill fear. People react to him based on their sense and he doesn't care one way or another. He has said to me that people are no different than ants. They exist with complete indifference from him. Live and let live unless you enter his orbit in someway. Even then generally he will just do what it takes to make people go away. Lol.

I believe a huge part of it is seeing the person and not the label. He has no interest in either being feared nor fan girled. It pisses me off when his label is used to alienate/judge him or to fall over at his feet in adoration. He is a human being, same as any of us.

Sorry...I see a lot of stigma myself with my diagnoses. Most people just dont understand.

There definitely is a great deal of stigma around this subject. I'm certain 99.99% of the internet will consider such a relationship impossible and that you should run away as fast as possible. It's a very tired song and dance. I must say I'm impressed by the fact someone that's aware of their partner's personality that's also aware of the stigma is still willing to give it a try. It's very refreshing indeed. As for a psychopath having a successful relationship, I have heard stories of such a thing happening. So it may be rare, but certainly not impossible. As for me, I'll let you know when/ if I can hold a relationship down.

By the way.......fan girls? I missed the memo. Is this a thing? Bc I may have been playing the market incorrectly this far lol.

Lol. Yes, fan girls are real, much to my personal distaste.

Before I proceed I should be clear that I am holding a lot back. Discussing psychopathy reminds me of a song "Danger, danger. High voltage". People who dont understand get worked up and go into bash or save the "victim" mode. Im not particularly interested in either. Furthermore with the stigma what it is, the last thing I want to do is to add to that in any way, even a poor choice of words. So I go forth into dangerous waters with caution. Yes, I am always this metaphorical, humorous and dramatic.

Some people fear paths, obviously. Some are pulled to them. Perhaps they are attracted to traits a path may possess. Dominance, sadism, control, stoicism, objectivity, whatever. They see a trait or traits that attract them and are willfully blind to those that dont. Perhaps similar to playing with a beautiful snake and then being stunned when it bites. This can apply to any relationship of course, but most certainly with paths.

Then follows the idea that one can change someone else. Nope. That is a terrible idea across the board. People can only change themselves and even then, within the territory of disorder, that may not even be possible. For example taking someone who does not feel love in a traditional sense and thinking you can make them love you. You cant. You can accept what they have to offer if it suits your wants/needs, but you cant make them feel something they dont.

Fan girl syndrome as I call it. I *think* I ADORE x, y, z and whatever I dont like, I can change. Again, not solely applicable to this particular type of relationship and just something I have seen myself.

FYI if you read this and want to have a deeper discussion, pm me. I am not willing to throw myself or partner into the flames on a public discussion, but will be more forward in private. I am not receptive to any type of judgement pertaining to my relationship personally.

Hi, I don’t have Aspd and neither does my SO (significant other) but I’ve been labelled (probably wrongly) with bpd by one provider. It wasn’t even an official diagnosis. The “official” diagnosis was panic disorder and “avoidant pd” .. although I’ve been told by more than one person online I don’t have avoidant pd because I am not always quiet and withdrawn. I’ve worked hard not to always be quiet and withdrawn..

I read in a book on “avoidant pd” something like they are “incapable” of having “close relationships” - nice.. not. I don’t “fit” the description in that book at all Although I didn’t finish the book as I didn’t find it particularly helpful

It’s sad how some perfectly “good” people and people who are trying to be “good” or “acceptable” to “society” whatever that may be..are so heavily stigmatised because of “diagnosis” - some of which aren’t even accurate.

Hugs if ok

You got it. We are all more than our diagnosis.

I also feel a little sad that you have to say hugs if okay. Internet hugs should always be okay. In my world anyways. Hugs back!

Anon32892

I have a lot of experience with individuals diagnosed or exhibit strong characteristics and traits of someone with aspd/narcissism/psychopathy, and there will come a point in time when the psychopath will make it impossible for you to stay. It is just the way it is. They can't stop themselves from pushing everything to destruction. However, life is a journey, not a destination, so enjoy your journey as long as it works for you because it will be ONLY your journey because the psychopath will be on his own journey and his alone. They share with no one. Unless of course, you want to consider all the other women that will come into the relationship. He will share that with you.

As much as I like the idea of a healthy, longterm partnership, this resonates with my soul so hard.

Maybe it'll work out if the other person is content with being along for the ride.