[onlymedid]

Oh boy!!! *SIGH* So, my step-son's mom no longer can handle him. He is 9 and is severely ADHD. He hits kids in school, is completely addicted to his video games and laptop and is highly socially inept.

He may be coming up here to live...tomorrow! BIG changes in store.
We are going to have to find him a school, find a doctor and therapist, get everything set up.

I am really really anxious and scared about it. When he visited for a month it was ok. We taught him to take off his shoes when he comes in the house and made him stay at the dinner table until being excused.

I know the "honeymoon" phase isn't going to last very long with him.

I am excited, too....I love him and would love to be able to provide him the type of environment he needs....a positive one. Not one where his mom threatens to kill herself(Which he is doing now when he gets into trouble) or where his grandma and grandpa treat him like a two year old. He can't tie shoes, he can't cut up his own food, etc.

Boy...the anxiety is bugging me...I am shaking and I can't stop.

[jerrymichele]

I have a friend who's son is ADHD, and he is the same way. I have babysat for her before, and he listened to me, but not her. I think that kids need discipline. Well when he wouldn't follow my rules, he would have consequences. I would take something away from him. I even do this with my own kids, and it works. My friends son was really well behaved with me. One thing that she has told me that works for her son is that he is really into coloring, so it might be something you might think about trying.

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by jerrymichele

I have a friend who's son is ADHD, and he is the same way. I have babysat for her before, and he listened to me, but not her. I think that kids need discipline. Well when he wouldn't follow my rules, he would have consequences. I would take something away from him. I even do this with my own kids, and it works. My friends son was really well behaved with me. One thing that she has told me that works for her son is that he is really into coloring, so it might be something you might think about trying.

Thank you! He does love to draw. I have plenty of that kind of stuff around.
It looks like it is going to be at least a week before he comes. My husband and his ex want to be sure they do the proper paperwork (?) to change physical custody to my hubby so we can enroll the kiddo in school and get him doctors.
I have been reading a lot about getting rid of dye red#40 (I think) out of his diet. We are definitely going to be eating healthier.

Thanks for the insight and suggestion!

[DoggyBonz]

Congrats on taking this on! I think this is going to be a huge change for everyone but it takes a great deal of courage and compassion to do what you are doing for him. The one thing that I have been told by neice who has ADHD was that when she was growing up my sister had clear boundaries and a lof of different activities for her to participate in. My sister found out what she enjoyed doing and made sure to incorporate those things into her life. My neice who is now about to get married - so this was a while ago also had a hard time making friends, it wasn't that she didn't want to it was tough for her. So my sister made a point of helping her with those skills and teaching her to go up to people.
The other things was SELF ESTEEM - wow she really helped my neice with that and it worked. She still has amazing self esteem and is proud of who she is. It's hard anytime there is a family situation going on, but she never let my neice think she was "bad or wrong" for being who she was.

Also, take care of yourself. I know how important that is. If you are feeling anxious then make sure you get your needs met and that you are doing what you need to do. Due to our family situation my sister was already in therapy and I think that helped her a great deal, so she had someone to talk to.

[onlymedid]

Thank you DoggyBonz! Self esteem is going to be a big thing to help him change. He feels stupid and hits himself when he does something he knows it's something he should not do or gets upset at himself. We make sure, when he is visiting, that we tell him we love him, he is a great kid and he can do anything in life if he tries. We will certainly work on that!

Thanks for the helpful info about your niece. I am all for hearing from adults who had to deal with ADHD as kids because we have no idea how to help him. We know he needs his meds, but therapy is going to be huge. We are going to get him into some sort of social group. We are going to take him out more often (his mom doesn't do that much). He is so focused on himself that he doesn't even care what anyone else's opinion is and doesn't try to even know.

Needless to say, this is going to be very tough, but I am willing to do anything to help him. I love him with all my heart.

I am in therapy too because with my bipolar and DID, it's going to be a huge testing of patience.

[Sabrina]

My 11 year old has ADHD and it is a continual challenge to look after him. I commend you for your positive attitude and wish you all the very best.

[theotterone]

What a great step-mom you are! My parents have been together 39 years, and I didn't have to deal with a "broken family" or "steps" until I ended up with my husband. I have a friend who I am close to him and his son. Watching that family dynamic confuses me. My husband had to explain to me the spectrum of how those relationships work. How lucky is your husband and step-son to have you willing to open your heart!

It's scary, no doubt about it! Is your husband willing to go to family therapy with the 3 of you? It may be a good idea to have your step-son see one on his own and look into the possibility of medication. My oldest was diagnosed as Inattentive ADD this past summer, I suspect my youngest is ADHD (both girls, 9 and 6) and I was diagnosed ADD last month. I am lucky in a sense since I am going through stimulant therapy and therefore "check it out" before I decide if we are going to put our own girls on medication. There are two schools of thought, that meds are good or that meds should be avoided at all costs. I usually run down the middle, if it works great, if not, that is ok too.

This is a big, life changing event. It's normal to be anxious. When being anxious starts interfering with your life, it's time to get help. You may need it short - term, you may need it long term. Seek out a mental health professional. They can recomend a doctor if medication is appropriate, but also provide behavioral therapy to help. They may also have support groups or referals to support groups. (Of course you have support here too!) Sometimes hard issues are easier to deal with when you have others going through the same thing.

It will be hard, and some days may seem dark. Just know when you need to take care of YOU. Mom's have a habit of forgetting we need to take care of us so we can be healthy (physically and mentally) in order to take care of others. Think about riding in a plane, they always tell you to put YOUR oxygen mask on first, then the child's! If I can help, please let me know!

[onlymedid]

Thank you, theotterone. I am in therapy and we are going to put the kiddo in therapy, too. My T is awesome about whoever coming into the session with me, so if needed, we can all go in at the same time.

My step-son is on meds, Ritalin, but we are going to have him completely re-evaluated up here because the Dr.s at Kaiser are horrible at caring for their patients.

I agree, if the meds work, fine...but if they don't...then there is no reason for him to be on them. It is super obvious when he does take them because he becomes zombie like. I hate it! He is like a zombie for a couple of hours. He won't eat and is too mellow to play or do anything.

He is going to need some serious social help. He can't make friends easily. He doesn't have any close friends and if he does make them, he can't keep them because of his behavior.

I am going to have to be very careful and take your advice....take care of ME when I need to.

[theotterone]

Good good! Remember too, as he adjusts to the medication, that may go away. Keep us informed?

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by theotterone

Good good! Remember too, as he adjusts to the medication, that may go away. Keep us informed?

Will do. He will be here on the 30th, so we are going to get him all taken care of after that! Wish me luck and patience.

[theotterone]

All of it in the world! And more!

[Rmdctc]

I hope things go well for you. Give us an update when he gets there!

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by Rmdctc

I hope things go well for you. Give us an update when he gets there!

Will do! Looks like he will be here on the 30th now. *sigh* so many date changes are really really getting to me. Anxiety galore! Anyways, my hubby has the flight already booked...but I still won't get excited until he is actually, physically here and I can him!

[Pikku Myy]

I will be here to listen and get updates... sounds like you will have your hands full.... About kids of any kind... they do respect routine... Hugs!!!