[Rhiannonsmoon]

I do need help please. I swear I feel like just ending it right now. I cant stand the pain and the agony or anguish.

I have depression, GAD, panic disorder, agoraphobia, the anxiety I try to run from but it always catches up with me. Like most other ppl i have it worst early morning and evening, but going out or the thought of going out makes it spike.

I have seen one psychiatrist who doesn't believe in medication, neither does my gp. but I am melting! I don't know what to do. I live on a small island, and the options for doctors isn't great. But I swear I'm going to take my life rather than keep fighting the feelings I get all day every day!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!! What should I do? I just dont want to fight any more

I feel like pulling a blanket over my head and making the world disappear stop my pain, stop my feeling, stop my mind from running at 1000miles an hour, just make every feeling go away

[jerrymichele]

I think that right now you need to go to the ER so you can get meds for your anxiety. If your pdoc isn't willing to help than you need to find a new Dr. One more thing, you can do some breathing excerises. Take 5 big breaths in and count back to 5 and release. Do this until you calm down.

[DoggyBonz]

Wow, I have been in that much panic and thankfully I have meds. But going through all this alone with out the help of meds or something to help would be beyond what I can handle. Even when I take the meds it doesn't always help.

I would also encourage you to go the ER and let them know what you are going through. The meds that are out there are there to help, and it sounds like you need it. Is there anyway you can go talk to another doctor? Is there a way to get off the island and go see someone else?

If it gets really bad you can always check yourself into the hospital just to alleviate the immediate symptoms. I'm so sorry that you are in so much pain, I can hear it in your email and I want to reach out and help you. It's horrible what you are experiencing, and I think a lot of people on this site have been there.

If you therapist does not believe in meds what can he suggest. I know that when I am in panic or start to go there exercise also helps but I don't know if that is possible for you. Taking a walk and being gentle with yourself.

Please keep us posted on what is going on...and keep posting - it will at least get some of the feelings out and give your mind something else to do and think about. I know this is hard and I hope I have not minimized it in any way.

[jerrymichele]

Keep on posting here so that we can try to help you. I hope that you were able to find some help. I have anxiety also, and those panic attacks are horrible.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Thank you. I so apperaciate the responses. I have a fear of leaving the house, a fear of being put into a lockdown unit, which they can do here. I have been down, depressed before but this is so different, I honestly feel like Im going insane and that the only thing that will stop it is nothingness. I don't want to hurt anyone, myself included but I feel that that may be the only way to stop whta im feeling and going through. I am due to see the doctor again on the 1st of next month, I just pray I can make it through. I am afraid of the ER because I ended up there a couple of weeks ago and the doctor working basically said within m earshot that I was looking for drugs. That dissolved me completely into another panic attack because I knew I was not going to get any help. I feel like Im living in a backwater place that the 20th century hasn't caught up to yet. So psych central is my lifeline at the moment.

I hate the constant crying and sadness as well as the constant worry and fear and anxiety I feel. It took a lot to get me into that hospital because i fear them so much, and then I was treated so badly. Getting off the island isn't really an option. It costs so much and because of the disabling severity of what is happening to me I don't have a job. And Id have to start from scratch with a nwe doctor in a strage place.

Just to sre I did the anxiety test, I scored 65, I'm a mess

WHY are people with mental problems less than 4th class citizens after homeless people?

[theotterone]

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

WHY are people with mental problems less than 4th class citizens after homeless people?

Because like anything people do not understand, it is feared. It took my husband YEARS to understand what was going on and how to handle it. It is very misunderstood.

You need to work on getting help. Try to get out of the house and get to someone who can help. See if there is any referral to anyone who could come out to your house.

You will always have support here, but build your support network bigger.

[lesasworld]

I really feel for you because I have been there many times and have tried to OD many times but that is not the answer and when things are fine and you are in a rational mind you KNOW you don't want to die. I know the pain hurts soooo bad as if your heart is in physical pain and there's nothing you can do, nor noone else can help either. I agree with the others, try to go to the ER and tell them you're every concern and also go to a different doctor. There is nothing wrong with taking meds, ESPECIALLY if they help you. I know nothing can be said to help that horrible, wretched pain but I find sometimes if I am feeling that way I call my mom. She always comforts me no matter what. Although, she can't take the pain away, I do end up feeling slightly better and I must believe that it will all stop at some point. If there isn't anyone you can find to try to comfort you (whether they understand the illness or not) please continue writing on this board. I know it's hard to do anything but want to just die, but that isn't the answer, please believe me. God bless and protect you and I hope you start feeling better. It WILL GET BETTER!

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

Thank you. I so apperaciate the responses. I have a fear of leaving the house, a fear of being put into a lockdown unit, which they can do here. I have been down, depressed before but this is so different, I honestly feel like Im going insane and that the only thing that will stop it is nothingness. I don't want to hurt anyone, myself included but I feel that that may be the only way to stop whta im feeling and going through. I am due to see the doctor again on the 1st of next month, I just pray I can make it through. I am afraid of the ER because I ended up there a couple of weeks ago and the doctor working basically said within m earshot that I was looking for drugs. That dissolved me completely into another panic attack because I knew I was not going to get any help. I feel like Im living in a backwater place that the 20th century hasn't caught up to yet. So psych central is my lifeline at the moment.

I hate the constant crying and sadness as well as the constant worry and fear and anxiety I feel. It took a lot to get me into that hospital because i fear them so much, and then I was treated so badly. Getting off the island isn't really an option. It costs so much and because of the disabling severity of what is happening to me I don't have a job. And Id have to start from scratch with a nwe doctor in a strage place.

Just to sre I did the anxiety test, I scored 65, I'm a mess

WHY are people with mental problems less than 4th class citizens after homeless people?

You should print out a copy of your test and give it to your Dr. Right now focus on the breathing, it will really help you calm down. I know that it is so hard. I don't know why people act like we are so different. I don't know how many times people have told me that it is all in my head. I've even had people tell me that I'm dx with something else. When it's not even true. Do you have any family members there with you who could help you get to another Dr, if possible. You need to get treated for this. Try looking on the internet for other areas. There is nothing more important than your health, and once you get treated you will feel so much better.

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

I do need help please. I swear I feel like just ending it right now. I cant stand the pain and the agony or anguish.

I have depression, GAD, panic disorder, agoraphobia, the anxiety I try to run from but it always catches up with me. Like most other ppl i have it worst early morning and evening, but going out or the thought of going out makes it spike.

I have seen one psychiatrist who doesn't believe in medication, neither does my gp. but I am melting! I don't know what to do. I live on a small island, and the options for doctors isn't great. But I swear I'm going to take my life rather than keep fighting the feelings I get all day every day!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!! What should I do? I just dont want to fight any more

I feel like pulling a blanket over my head and making the world disappear stop my pain, stop my feeling, stop my mind from running at 1000miles an hour, just make every feeling go away

I understand your doctors are few - BUT you do need one who is knowledgable with medication with chemical imbalances.
Also someone to talk to regarding triggers that may be occuring
The fight is just that a dang fight - but you're here so you are winning. That means you're still trying, and a lot of people dont.. you've come to this site and that;s another great step.
If I may if cannot find doctor for medication.... in mean type try some herabal combinations....
Better than having nothing.
Signed....I don't know more than anyone else, just sharing

[Pikku Myy]

Hugs... hope you get the anxiety under control soon!!!!

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Thank you everyone. I seem to be swinging between anxiety & depression. I seem to be half ok for a day maybe 2 here and there but the rest of the time I'm such a mess. I've had TL epliepsy since hitting my head really hard as a 6yr old and I think that doesn't help the depression or the anxiety issues. But the Dr now wants to take me off tegretol and I am worried about that too. He's questioning the epliepsy diagnosis and that scares the crap ou tof me as well. If I'm taken off medication I may have seizures again, and it took so long to cut them out. I've had some large seizures but mostly complex partial and am still affected by fluorecsent lights to the point that I can't go into shops which have them.

Since I've had a review for the depression & anxiety I'm aware now that some, probably most of what were thought to be "absence" seizures were/are probably disassociation instances, and I'm ok with accepting that. But if he takes me off the tegretol and I get sick again I don't know what I'll do. It seems as if he's trying to push me over the edge for some reason, then I think no thats just paranoid thinking, then I panic about and the whole thing starts the cycle again.

My mind is hurting, not my brain but my mind and I just don't know what to do about it.

My mother & I have never been close. I was close with my dad but he died over 20 years ago & I've been almost one out on my own since then. I've got a wonderful partner, but I feel so guilty about putting all of this on him. So I really do appreciate the suport I'm getting here,

Thank you all, really so much

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Thank you all so much! Someone said I could write a letter to my gp & tell him how I was feeling. Fantastic thought says I. But I went one step further and wrote a letter to a new gp setting out what I've been diagnosed with, What treatment I was receiving, what treatment I'd like to receive, and how many medications I'd like to drop (I worked out that I could drop 6 meds and replace them with 2 just to try it out).

The new gp was really pleased with the letter. She said it saved nearly an hour in note taking and interviewing, leaving her with only a few questions to ask. She also said she was saved from trying to decipher the old gp's method of note taking.

I'm now on less meds with more results, and she agrees that I should not have to attempt treatment for mdd & gad without meds because the nature of the illness' require medication.

I'm trying Cymbalta (the new side effect reduced concoction), though because that is in gelatine I am pulling them apart and placing them into VegieCaps. The Trazodone I can't seem to find any Australian info on it, and one site I read that it is not available in Australia (seemed odd).

SO I just wanted to thank you all for your support, you've kept me afloat and one part sane. The support I've been given is just amazing. I now feel as if I can support others and read their stories without breaking down in floods of tears (which was totally impossible before the anxiety started to calm. I still react because of the depth of the depression, but I think it's more empathy than anything. I get very upset for what others have to go through.

Well again thanks, I really truly appreciate it,

((((((((hugs))))))))