[Maven]

I'm so sick of the limitations anxiety and OCD put on me. And other people (the so-called "normal" ones) can't understand. I want to dye my hair, but I can freak out if something is on me (or my hair) that I can't easily get off. Plus the ammonia smell would make me feel claustrophobic, since I couldn't get away from it, because it would be on my head.

I will get into discussions with people online, and start imagining if we got to meet someday, like I have at fandom conventions in the past, but then I remember how limiting my OCD is. I can't plan to "hang out" with someone, because I can't touch this, can't go there, etc.

If another person wanted to hand me a note, I can't even handle that, because I can't touch stuff from other people.

I enter contests, but I don't know what I'd ever do if I won a plane trip somewhere, because I've never flown, plus planes would feel dirty to me because of my OCD, and my panic disorder wouldn't like being "trapped" in a big metal box high in the air with no way out.

Things people take for granted--the simplest things! And I can't do them. I dream of putting on makeup again, but my OCD makes even that too inconvenient. All the washing and cleaning.

I need glasses, but I can't handle the oils on my face getting on the glasses, and it's such a pain in the you-know-what for me to have to wipe them with disinfectant wipes all the time (plus, I can't simply wipe things, I have to concentrate and make sure I get every tiny corner, surface and every spot on the glasses, so it takes longer as I'm making sure I do that).

Are others' lives here as stressful as that, with the OCD and/or panic controlling the simplest things that others take for granted?

Wow Maven...you sound super busy with all that. There are some simple solutions to your problems though. E-Mails instead of notes(No touching involved there). Take a different form of transportation like your car. I know you can't drive yourself to the Bahamas, so take a boat. I get a little see sick, so watch out. With the make up, just do it. With your OCD you will spend a lot of extra time washing, but that is just you, and I accept that. The glasses are easy. Get contact lenses.

Having OCD must be very difficult. I have some symptoms of OCD, but not as severe. I do have extreme anxiety and panic attacks on occasion. It suck to deal with those.
But I take it one day at a time.....baby steps if you will. Be patient with yourself.

[perpetuallysad]

I understand being limited by anxiety. My life has pretty much gotten to the point to where I only speak to 3 people. My son, my husband and my sister. Any variations added in and I lose it. Yesterday a neighborhood girl came over to borrow some books and I was in full blown anxiety attack mode within 3 minutes of her being here. I end up having to take xanax all day (as prescribed) just to semi function with things I have to do, like carpool. I also find that my anxiety makes me paranoid. I freak when I hear a car drive down my road, or when my dog barks at the front windows. I have some vague notion that "bad people" are going to come here and get me/hurt me. Its crippling to me and my daily life. I feel like everyone's talking about me, or thinks I'm weird, so I am afraid to go into any public situation. Even going to the grocery store takes 3-4 days of preparation to where I literally plan the route through the store (I think this is my ocd acting out, but it also minimized public time) and after a day of grocery shopping, I am emotionally and physically exhausted. My husband, who is very social and outgoing, has basically had to become a homebody because attempting to participate in social events with him is so traumatic to me that I will freak out intensely for days beforehand and I will be in such a panic the day of and during whatever event that I usually end up embarrassing myself (which of course only perpetuates the ideas that I shouldn't go in public or try to talk to other people in general).

Arg. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to take over this thread, but I guess show you some examples of my inability to function in the outside world as well. So, you are not alone.

[thunderbear]

Hey Maven. I am the same way with my anxiety. I can't dye my hair even though I want to because I am freaked out by any kind of chemical smell, that and I am afraid the chemical will somehow absorb through my skin and poisen me. I can't drive because I'm afraid I'll somehow pass out and cause a huge wreck and hurt myself and other people. I also can't be anywhere with out my husband because if something were to happen no one would be able to tell the EMT or docs that I am allergic to asprin. I feel your pain that's for sure. I hope we all get better one day

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((( Maven )))))))))))))))


I definitely understand the limitations that anxiety and ocd can put on us, luckily I have found a good T and mine is a lot less then it used to be. I am sorry you are having a hard time with it.

[Dooders]

I definitely get the anxiety issues you're going through. I know it's helped me to do things one thing at a time, with trusted people. I freak out if someone's behind me.. so I get my mom to dye my hair (and I cut it myself) to make it easier. Somehow she doesn't count as a "person" in my mind.

Keep trying, thats all I can say.

[Locust]

Hi Maven,

I'm sorry your issues are limiting you so much.

You said, "If another person wanted to hand me a note, I can't even handle that, because I can't touch stuff from other people." Have you considered gloves? You could even get some nice looking gloves and make them into a fashion statement.

I used to have OCD (now just have tendancies). It didn't interfere with all the things yours does, but it was frustrating and upsetting. The compulsions didn't bother me as much as the obsessions, however. Some of them were pure obsessions without compulsions attached (but I had some compulsions and related obsessions, too) and those were the WORST for me. It was like I couldn't control my own mind anymore. That was the most upsetting for me.

Anxiety does interfere (can't spell) with some things I want to do, however. Even when I do them, anxiety sometimes complicates things. And OCD did cause me to be slow getting ready for things (which upsets others), taking longer on tests, etc.

[Maven]

SON OF A [BLEEP]! I had written a long post, answering each of you, and I don't know if I clicked something by accident or what, but the post disappeared and went to another thread, and when I got back here, it was all gone!!!!!

Ok, this will be more direct, because I don't even remember everything I typed before, and I'm going to make it shorter. I hope I don't sound rude in doing so, and don't come off as being curt, but if so, I apologize in advance.

sardean, my OCD is too bad for me to do most of the things you suggested. I'm not okay with having to wash, because the feelings that accompany it are horrible, and the washing stresses me out. I don't have a car, and my boyfriend is my only transportation, and he has to work. I can't drive his car because it's stick-shift. He's usually too tired to go out after work, and, except for this time of year, I usually get out once a week...he goes to watch drum corps events at this time of year, so I don't get out until mid-November, and then after Thanksgiving (he's away visiting family, so I have to wait until he gets back).

I can't wear contacts because I have dry eye syndrome, which makes me more susceptible to eye ulcers. Touching my eyes means washing my hands, anyway.

I can't take public transportation...it's dirty to my OCD...so a boat isn't possible. Not only that, but I don't have any money for stuff like that.

perpetuallysad, thanks for sharing some of the stuff you go through. I didn't feel you were taking over the thread, so don't worry about that. I don't wish your struggles on you, but I'm glad I'm not alone. I don't have any real life friends. I almost exclusively talk to my mom (on the phone; I rarely get to see her) and my boyfriend, and rarely anyone else.

thunderbear, I'm sorry you have such difficulties. Life isn't fair for us. Nobody said it would be, but I don't think any of us expected there to be such a big gap in how people got treated in life. It's hard when someone who is cruel and a jerk is succeeding and rich and popular, while someone who's nice and decent and good gets kicked over and over in the shins.

gimmeice, thanks for the hugs. I'm glad you have a good T. Wish I could find one.

Dooders, thanks for your kind words. I do keep trying, and you keep trying, too.

Locust, no, I'm afraid gloves wouldn't work for me. They cause my hands to sweat, and that's an OCD issue. Plus, I'd feel too self-conscious if I were wearing them when it wasn't winter. And if the gloves touched something "dirty", I couldn't touch something clean with them without that clean thing becoming dirty itself.

Thanks for sharing your problems, too. When I was in school, my OCD and panic disorder caused all kinds of problems for me, and teachers and faculty weren't very understanding. I would scribble a lot from making "mistakes" when writing, and teachers would write how messy the papers were, but it was my OCD making me scribble out and write things over and over, and erase until there were holes in my papers.

Thanks to all of you for the hugs and well wishes, and for sharing. It's good to have people online to be able to get through these problems.