[chosenseclusion]

I been recently listenin to alot of my socially unacceptable music/and thinking and seeing different ways of life. It helps me take on my own challenges and brings new light to'em. I like knowing the world can have different was of functioning. But the harder I tried, I realize I couldn't move. When I took steps to move forward, I was brought back to my same state, weighed down. It was draining. Physically draining! I could feel it. What Is That!?--turn up my music... that seems to help. And then I seen it. My mind instantly began to release some pressure built up inside. And I knew for a moment, this thing had been there this whole time. I've been helping create this 'monster' I hold. Partially as a defense mechanism, and part for own diverse intensions. My very music I had been listenin to, the thoughts I chose to hear, my attitude and outlook on my situations, all were-in a sense-labeled. My problem were my demons. My own personal demons. The music enviornment I created and where I found sanction. This 'group' had it's own personal demons and I was there carrying their's for them. Just to 'relate.' To be understood. Now I see, I got my own set of problems I need to solve. I wanna move on and stop carrying so much of the world upon my back. I got to find my own personal angel inside. Here I been payin too much attention to fuel my individual fire, however I could, I missed out on moving on with a better lifestyle. My Own Experiences make me different, made me who I am right now. But, I can't keep carrying that demon on my back. He's there. And he jumped! there. It's a choice to set him down. I now know that everyone you meet has an anget inside, You have an angel inside. You have alot to offer others, because you can pay attention on how to treat another angel. It various alot in recognizing, you can't chose both sides. And it takes time. Lay your personal demons down, and focus on feeling whole again. I'm trying...any others?

Hello, chosenseclusion. Have you considered professional help. A therapist could help you sort out the angels and demons.

Good luck.