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chipperdear
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Default Feb 26, 2010 at 09:24 PM
  #1
Hello everyone. I'm not sure where to start with this so I'll give a little background info. I was diagnosed with social anxiety just over 10 years ago and was put on Paxil, which I took for 7 years. It definitely helped, but after that amount of time, I wanted to conquer the problem myself. I've been completely off medication for 2.5 years now. I had felt at that time that I had a large enough network of friends to lean on, that I could finally get past my anxiety and move on with life. I felt strong enough to do it.

Spring/Summer 08 was horrible for me. All my friends had left (moved, went to college, just quit talking to me, etc), and there were some issues going on with school that really took its toll on me. I completely shut myself off from the world except to go to work. I hated every minute of it, and just wanted school to start back up so that I had friends again, people to interact with, something to do to occupy my time. I was fine through the school year. Last May rolled around and again, I fell back into depression. I ended up losing a job because of it, and I was no longer eligible for my other job once I graduated (college workstudy position), so I had another job lined up where I could "start fresh". I spent the summer either working or at home with nothing to do again, and hated every minute of it. One of the reasons summer beats me up like it does is the neighborhood kids. They don't know when to stop being annoying or when to go home, and think its funny when I tell them its time to leave or that they are bothering me. The problem there is that they are family, so I can't really stop them from coming to my house.

I enrolled at another college in Fall 09 (I'm still enrolled) and that helped with the depression again. However, when I went home for winter break, I noticed that the break from my family made the reaction to them worse. I only go home about once a month because I dread it so much. I'll be ok until I see them walk outside to come over to my house and then I'll get an instant headache, I can feel my blood pressure rise and I get extremely irritable and defensive for the rest of the day. I can feel the anger boiling in me like I'm about ready to explode (which is very uncharacteristic of me, I'm almost always a very calm person in regards to things that make me mad). I spent all of winter break in that constant state of anxiety/depression/whatever it is. I couldn't wait to go back to college. Since I got back this semester, I've been fine in that regard. However, I'm starting to notice that I have good days and bad days. The weekends tend to be my bad days because I don't have class, don't have a job, and everyone goes home, leaving me here by myself. I could just as easily go home, but that would be even worse. When I'm here by myself on the weekends I get pretty depressed and often cry (I'm not usually a crier, even when I'm upset).

I recently told my boyfriend about the whole situation (we've been together a couple of months, and it takes me awhile to open up about this sort of stuff). He didn't really understand what the problem was at first, why I would get so angry at the kids in my family (they are my cousins) so easily. I told him about the anxiety/possible depression and tried explaining what it was like, but he didn't really understand at first. He would ask different things about it like he was honestly trying to understand it all. At first, he kept asking me if it was anything he did or if it was his fault, and I'd constantly tell him no. About a week later, he stopped asking questions about it, but had started complaining of similar feelings of loneliness, depression, and anxiety about things in his life. I felt as if he was trying to mimic my problems and downplay them as if they were no big deal and that I needed to get over it. I'm not sure if that was what was really happening or not though. I mentioned going to the doctors about it and he couldn't figure out why I'd go to the doctor because I was "unhappy". I explained it to him and when I mentioned medication he instantly said "no, I don't want you taking medication for it. It screws with your libido." - REALLY? I actually find the courage to tell you about this and that's the only thing you are concerned about!? That made me seriously question the relationship. He apologized, but I still don't feel like I can discuss the problem with him anymore, which makes the depression/anxiety worse.

I set up an appointment with my doctor to see what she thinks would be the best option (medication again, psychotherapy, etc), and I plan on laying out all the issues with her and discussing the options, so I've made a list of the things that I'd like to address. I'd like to stay away from the medication because I believe that the problems aren't all chemical and I would like to try and fix them instead of covering them up. I'm aware that most of the problems relate back to my social anxiety diagnosis, but I still feel like that's not the core issue, that there is something underneath that which is causing the social anxiety. I want to address the problem before summer hits so that hopefully it isn't so rough of a time. I think that if I had one person that I felt close to that I felt I could trust, I would have an easier time with it, but I tend to distance myself from people. So, I get to wait here, semi-alone, until my doc appointment in a little over a week. I know I can do it, I'm just impatient. Thanks for listening to my long rant
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Default Feb 26, 2010 at 11:22 PM
  #2
Welcome, chipperdear. Thank you for your post. You seem to have a good grasp on what is going on. Is your doctor a psychologist? I hope so. In any event I wish you the best in your quest to get to the source of what plagues you.

Good luck.
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Default Feb 27, 2010 at 01:03 AM
  #3
I'm not sure what your question for us is, but maybe what you are looking for is some validation. Anxiety and depression are real disorders, and getting treatment is the right thing to do. You sound like you have a good understanding of what options you have, and know what you want. I agree that fixing the problem, and understanding the underlying cause is more likely to be satisfying in the long run. Medication can make it easier to deal with the symptoms and can enhance psychotherapy. It isn't an either/or, necessarily.

Your boyfriend makes me mad! That is some nerve to tell you that he doesn't want you to take medication that you might need because it might interfere with him getting something he wants! Wow. Would he tell you not to take medication for diabetes if you needed it because he doesn't like the changes in your libido? You don't go to the doctor because you are sad. You go to the doctor because you have a disorder that interferes with your life and won't go away by just ignoring it. That said, maybe his comments about feeling the same way sometimes are actually attempts to relate to what you are telling him. Anxiety, fear, and sadness are normal emotions that everybody has, even if not everybody had an anxiety or mood disorder. And most likely your anxiety won't be entirely cured, but treatment can help you to live your life without anxiety getting in the way.

Good luck to you!

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Default Feb 27, 2010 at 03:08 AM
  #4
chipperdear, that's a complex situation, and you described it so well. Sounds like several things going on. I think working on these things with a therapist would indeed be really helpful--they could help you tease out the different strands and make things clearer. I agree it seems like there is more than social anxiety going on. You really are very articulate and seem very motivated to work on your life--I bet you would make really swift progress with a therapist.

One theme I noticed was your reactivity--you get lonely or depressed when people are not around you. You get irritable and angry when the cousins are around. Not being able to discuss a problem with your boyfriend "makes" you depressed/anxious. You react to what is around you instead of being you, not matter the circumstance. I'm not sure I described that well. It seems like several times you regretted being left alone because it was the weekend or for some other reason, and this got you down. Why? Why do you feel unhappy when not surrounded by people? Why do you need other people there in order to find a way to occupy yourself? Yet you also withdraw from people too, so cause some of your isolation yourself. You don't want to be alone, yet you do. Push-pull. That sounds really hard! I'm a natural introvert so I need time to recharge all by myself. I know the cousin situation would make me really irritable too. Can you get your own family (is it your parents you live with in summer?) to help you set boundaries for the cousins' visits? If your parents knew how upset the constant presence of the cousins made you, would they try to help? Perhaps limit their visits to certain times? Or make them call first? Or support your efforts to get them to leave when they have overstayed their welcome?

I do agree with you that some of these issues may be things you can work on without medication. Some of them seem like relationship and communication issues.

Regarding your boyfriend's libido comment, I had a kind of similar thing happen with a past boyfriend. I did not take birth control pills because they made me extremely moody (depressed and manic both--yuck) and also took away my libido. I just felt no real sex drive if I took those hormones. Yet my BF was pissed off about this because he wanted to have easy sex without having to pause a few minutes to use a less convenient form of birth control. He would have preferred that I was depressed and manic and had no sex drive just so he could have more convenient sex. Sheeesh! I remember he said, "all my other girlfriends took the pill, why can't you?" LOL, fun times back then. Hopefully your BF understands now that it's not like you want to have decreased libido.

Quote:
I set up an appointment with my doctor to see what she thinks would be the best option (medication again, psychotherapy, etc), and I plan on laying out all the issues with her and discussing the options, so I've made a list of the things that I'd like to address. I'd like to stay away from the medication because I believe that the problems aren't all chemical and I would like to try and fix them instead of covering them up.
MDs tend to approach problems from a medical viewpoint so your doc may recommend meds even if there are other options that could help. But I like how you said you want to fix things instead of covering up. Hopefully, your doc can give you some options and perhaps some names of good therapists, if you decide to go that route.

Best of luck!

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Default Feb 27, 2010 at 08:04 AM
  #5
I will tell you from my own experience that psychotherapy is very helpful, and the help lasts a lifetime~~there is no "use by" date
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Default Feb 28, 2010 at 04:50 PM
  #6
Wow, thanks everyone! I felt as though I was rambling incoherently

Byzantine - NO, my doctor is not a psychologist, but at the office I go to, they have a psychologist on staff. However, I need a referral from my physician to the psychologist to be able to use my medical discount.

Rapunzel - I agree he may just be trying to relate to me. Maybe I'm just being defensive about it. Maybe it was the way he said it that made me think that and I just took it the wrong way. Very possible.

Sunrise - I know I have some problems with communication and relationships, which is one of the problems I'm not sure how to solve. I've always considered myself an extroverted introvert because it seems like I can never make up my mind. I'm not an outgoing person, so its hard sometimes to get out there and be social with people. I've never been very good at small talk or making friends. As far as the family situation, they all know I'm bothered by this and think I'm overreacting and need to lighten up. I agree with them and feel bad about it because they are family, but I don't feel like it's a situation I can fix currently. Yes, it is my parents house I live at in the summer, but my cousins and I live next door to each other and almost operate as a single household in many aspects, so I'm not sure how I can handle that situation without disrupting that.

Echoes - That's my goal in this whole process, to find a solution (I understand that parts of it will never be fixed) that can last years instead of 24 hours.

Again, thanks everyone for your advice/opinions/points of view It helps a lot seeing what other people have to say about things.
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Default Mar 01, 2010 at 01:56 PM
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Might I suggest you ask your doctor for the referral? After evaluation, my hope is the psychiatrist will help you find a therapist to help you work through the conundrum you are encountering.
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Default Mar 11, 2010 at 06:14 PM
  #8
Well, my visit to the doc didn't go quite as planned. I was put on Celexa to see if it helps out any, which I'm sure it will. I suggested a therapist but she seemed to shoot down the idea, and I need her referral to get my discount. I guess I'll give the medication a try though. Maybe it will do the job
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Default Mar 12, 2010 at 11:53 PM
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Good luck with the, Celexa.
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