[Amanda_1981]

I am having a BAD anxiety night! The whole past few months my anxiety has been through the roof and I have no idea why! I keep obsessing over the fact of 'what ifs'... lately it's 'what if' i'm dying. I know I am also a hypochondraic so I always think I'm dying of something, but how do you guys cope with rationalizing with yourself to know the difference of a potential serious medical situation, and just anxiety? I'll give you an example of my situation tonight that's causing me to be really anxious...

So, about two weeks ago (give or take a few days), I started a new med called zeldox (it's an antipsychotic) because my ocd and anxiety was starting to get really bad again. I don't just suffer from GAD and panic attacks, my anxiety gets so severe to the point where I become completely paranoid. Well my paranoia about death is really bad lately. And tonight I felt like I had the chills.. and checked my temp and it was slightly higher than usual (It was 99.6 which I know is not a fever, but for me, it's high because I'm always at the 97 or 98 range) and I can always tell when I'm getting sick when it's over 99. Well, normally having a slight temperature wouldn't freak me out.. I mean we all get sick from time to time right? Well what's freaking me out, is that my asthma is also bad and I'm also having the shakes (most likely anxiety induced though), and my concentration is really bad.. etc etc. All symptoms of anxiety. But also.. all symptoms of a side effect I read that can occurr with antipsychotics called NMS (Neuroleptic maglignant syndrome). So, now I'm freaking out, thinking I have that symptom and I'm scared to take my meds tonight in fear of it making it worse. Maybe this just isn't the med for me.. but I know I do need to be on something (most likely something strong like an anti psychotic) to treat my severe anxiety symptoms and paranoia.

I guess I just need reassurance.. to know that I'm not dying and it's just anxiety. I know I've also been really sleep deprived lately and went two nights without my seizure med (I ran out and waited for the last minute to call in another).. but I'm on the lowest dose of it so I didn't think missing a few days would make a difference. They finally delivered it tonight so I took it, along with my paxil.. but am still weary on taking the zeldox. If it's making my anxiety worse, maybe I should stop it and call my doctor tomorrow? I already had to cut down from 80mg of it, to the lowest dose I think which is 40mg because when I was taking it twice a day I was too out of it and couldn't sleep.

Someone just please tell me this is just anxiety and nothing to be worried about. Ugh I hate being so anxious, especially at night!

[lynn P.]

Since you've been on this medication for 2 weeks already, I think it's safe to assume you would have adverse reactions shortly after starting this new med. But I do think it's a good idea to call your doctor tomorrow. If you temperature rises to the 100+ then visit your doctor. Are you supposed to get blood levels checked with this medication? Have you discussed with your therapist, why the anxiety gets worse at night? I heard taking magnesium helps with making a person feel more calm.

Has your therapist given you tips to manage your anxiety, like deep breathing and sorting your fears into rational and irrational. It's also good it you can learn how not to react to your fears - don't try to resist the thoughts and just let them come - accept they're there. When you get the hang of it, they'll eventually go away. I know this is easier said than done though. Does it help at all if you think God is the one who controls your life - meaning when it's your time, we really don't have control anyway, so why worry, kinda thinking. I also like the tip of putting all your worries high on a shelf and saying "I'm not gonna worry about it, I'm done". I imagine not sleeping compounds everything. I hope this bad stage calms down soon Amanda.

[Amanda_1981]

Thanks lynn.. I wish I could say I feel better right now, but it's only getting worse.. the shakiness, the chills, feeling like I have a fever (even though my temp isn't that high).. jittery, antsy, and now to top everything else off.. the runs. I can't stop shivering and my anxiety is horrible right now.. I have to wait another six hours until my doctor's office opens to call and see if my doctor can see me. I think maybe this is all just maybe withdrawal from all the meds I've been on and off and on and off the past few weeks. I just hate that ansty jittery feeling though. And normally having symptoms of being sick wouldn't freak me out.. but this feels different because normally when I know I'm getting sick, I start off with a sore throat, and then the chills.. not the other way around. This just doesn't feel normal.. but I think chills can also be a symptom of anxiety? I'm hoping that's all it is. It's 3am and I can't sleep worth the life of me because I'm too anxious. I hate the fact that I have no benzos to take when I'm this anxious. I took some melatonin several hours ago, but it has had no effect. The whole thought of this being symptoms of that NMS syndrome really freaks me out because it's basically all the symptoms of a panic attack (plus) a fever.. and it can happen (according to what I think I read about it awhile ago) at any time while taking the antipsychotic. but I'm thinking it would have to be a really high fever though right? I'm wayyy too anxious to even look it up right now in fear of it will start to freak me out.

I hate this I really do.

*edited because I forgot to answer your question re: therapist. I currently am actually only seeing a family doctor and a psychiatrist.. I don't have a therapist (can't afford one), and don't know of any free psychologists.. if there were, i'm sure my support worker and my doctor and my pdoc would have told me. My pdoc doesn't do therapy, only see him briefly for about 10 mins once every other month or so for med refill prescriptions. My family doctor is good at talking with me about my paranoia and concerns, as she is very knowledgeable in the mental health field, and sometimes will even talk over an hour with me about my anxiety and other mental health isssues. I am hoping they can squeeze me in for an appt. sometime tomorrow (or later on today I should say).. I will keep you posted on how I'm doing.. sorry I sound all over the place tonight.. I think once they sort out my meds and get to the root of my insomnia, I'll start to feel a lot better. Just need to get through the next six hours!

How are you doing, Amanda?

[Cush_and_Seba]

Hi Amanda. I have a lot of obsessive thoughts and worries like you. But someone once told me, "It is the things we fear the most that are the least likely to come to pass."

Those words have helped me a lot. Our minds can be tricky things to understand. Best wishes and God bless.

[Amanda_1981]

Thanks everyone... Feeling MUCH better now! (see my 'scary night' post for more details.. all is good news!)