OCD's really got a hold on me

hu everyone, im a new member here, i was brosing the net getting information on ocd, for about 3 years now i have known that i have ocd or traits of ocd, i have never been diagnosed, i think partly becaused im ashamed of some of the thoughts that plague my mind from time to time, when i was about 10 years old i had my first episode, now 23 and after two years of college i find myself having another episode, i feel like im living in hell, i get bad disgusting and unwanted thoughts in my head and they leave sometimes for a bit, i wake up at night lately in the middle of a panic attack, its funny cause i know this comes and goes but its tough to fight it, but im glad to see web sites like this, i actually just finished my mental health and addictions worker diploma and you know i wish i could help myself, im a counter. Right now im on here cause its helping to take my mind off of things, its funny too how you can see something on tv thats disturbing and then a day later you cant get out of bed because you think its happening to you or your causing it, im going to see my doctor tommorow to get put back on paxil, i have to say that for me it helps, anyways i just think its wonderful how caring you people seem, its scary as hell but it helps knowing we are not alone. Its wierd cause in a minute il go and try to rock and count myself to sleep, anyways i dont really have a question or a concern but id like to hear from anyone with their stories and any advice, thanks

tkennedy

Hi kennedy,

Welcome to the forum, and sorry to hear that you are getting it hard at the moment. There are lots of good people here, and they'll help in any way they can.

What's the thing about counting? I haven't heard of that.

Peaceful toughts, M

well ive always had more of the obsessions than compulsions, but my compulsion is counting, for example when the thoughts really upset me il count to 4,5 or six, i started doing this when i was younger, ior il say words or phrases that have 4,5 or six sylables, its strange but it works on mild thoughts but when their severe it doesnt help to much, really for me to overcome the episode(s) i need to keep busy and take some medication., sometimes this is so hard because i get some thoughts when keeping busy and they make me feel bad to the point where i need to get home or away from the situation. I usually also tap my left and right foot when i count like 1 left foot, 2 right foot etc..

tkennedy

welcome to the forums......you will find alot of compassion and many good people here......i relate to all you say as i've been fighting the ocd monster for 30 years......i was on prozac for many many years and it helped tremendously so please use meds if they help....no reason to have to live with the craziness of ocd if meds help....i went off the prozac because of the side affects.....i got tired of feeling "emotionless"......nothing ever bothered me even if it should have.i feel better being able to "feel" even if the feelings are not so pleasant...the one compulsion that has returned without the meds is the counting.....boy! even though it relieves the compulsion...don't ya just hate it???????lol...anyway....you are far from being alone.......if i can be of any help to you or you just want totalk...feel free to contact me.....julia

the craziest thing is i start a job as a transitions facilitator counsellor at the salvation army and im heading out west for it this thursday, which is a 4 day drive, i think though the driving might help me out to relax a bit and im going today to get put back on paxil, but just knowing there are other people that feel the same type of grief is very beneficial, im so scared but i know i can worky my way through this,

tkennedy

Hi Kennedy,

Yes, I understand, the counting is a 'protection ritual' - mine is lining things up, but I think it's all the same kind of stuff.

The new job sounds interesting and very worthwhile. Sometimes when we have had hard challenges ourselves it makes us good at helping others, because we have the empathy and the understanding.

Good luck and keep in touch!

Cheers, M

best of luck with the new job! sounds interesting!

just wanted to say thanks for the support, as i am also here to help people out if i can, i find the hard part is feeling as though i have done something wrong or that i will, but i know in my heart i would never, i am gonna continue to use this site from now on, thanks guys

tkennedy

Kennedy!! Hello and Welcome to PC.

I can relate to all that you have written. I get intrusive thoughts and they cause me alot of anxiety. I count also. I do this to sooth myself although I avoid the #6. I currently take meds and see a therapist so it helps. Still have my moments though. If you ever need to talk please PM me or post again. I will be able to get more indepth with you through a PM then i can in a post.

Please take is easy. I hope things ease for you. Take care.

Jen