[zana0566]

Along with anxiety and social phobia I always get thoughts from the past that rehaunt me all the time. None are truly real horrible but when I am feeling this way they are so bad, so horrible. To me they are huge mistakes I made or very dumb things I did or said. I am still embarrased by them and call myself stupid etc in my mind. It could be something I did or said yesterday or something I did or said 20 years ago. Dumb things that stay in my memory. Wish my memory was better in other ways. Example : I was talking to my daughters teacher on the phone and interupted him with my thoughts on our subject 2 times. the second time I said "sorry go ahead". I feel like an idiot and worried what he thinks of me. This will probably bother me daily for a while but it will always come back to my mind and feel like it just happend. I have many incidents that are embarrassing as we all do I am sure, that I keep beating myself up over and probably not something I should still feel sick about, worry, and tell myself how dumb I am, but I do. Anyone else heard of this or experience this?

[daytimedreamer]

I do the same thing. I seem to have a really hard time letting things go. It's like... I will be having a conversation with someone and say something stupid. They don't even have to notice, but I will be thinking "God. Why would you say that? This is just like that time you said blah blah when you were 11. Or how about when you said blah blah when you were 15?! God, do you never learn?"

[Hippie]

Oh, my dear, I can relate to interrupting someone and then kicking myself. It seems to be a nervouse habit. I think you hit the proverbial nail when you said They probably don't notice it.
Do you have a therapist who can help with the obssessing thoughts?
Please post how you're doing.

[Lisa Michelle]

zana I know exactly how you feel, I do this also.

Any time I've said something that has embarrassed me, I seem to remember.
I still feel embarrassed over the time when I was about 14, I was talking in class with some friends and a teacher got angry and singled me out and asked me "what's your game?" and I just went "Er, nothing Miss" feeling confused at such a question, and the class burst out laughing, because apparently I had misheard and she'd said "what's your name?".

And a time when a girl walked into my gym class and a smile came on her face and she said hi, and I smiled and said hi back and then realised she was talking to someone else.

I just don't forget these things. Especially the first.
Oh and a time when I'd started my first job and I had a 'review' with one of the staff and she said "some of the other members of staff have said that you're quite blunt and when children tell you that they need the toilet you ignore them". I was SO hurt by this and went home in tears because it was a lie, I was never like that and never would be and I still can't understand why she disliked me so much (I could tell she disliked me) to make it all up. I was also terrified I actually AM blunt and I hate that word to this day!! (it was 7 years ago!)

I'm sorry you also experience this Zana. It's nice to know I'm not alone so I hope you also find it nice to know you're not alone.
The truth is that these "stupid" things we say are actually NO big deal.. I can't explain why to us they are horrendous and stay with us.

x

zana, I can't believe how much we are alike. First the driving, now this - stepping on another person's words. I never have completely figured this out. I think it has to do with being over-stimulated in conversations with people you especially want to impress. Your thoughts come rushing in and your words come pouring out before the other person finishes their thoughts. It's very embarrassing, and after the conversation with whoever, you beat yourself up about it over and over again. I think us emotional, sensitive types over-excite, over-think, over-react to everything. Too much thinking and not enough action, I know this is my problem.

I know when this happens, it's like I'm worried I won't get my turn if I don't butt in, which is ridiculous; I just don't have the patience to wait. One tip I read once, was after a person completes his thought, you count to 3 before you begin. Looks like you have a lot of company with this one.

[Cyran0]

I too collect memories of every stupid, embarassing, bad thing I've ever done and when they float up into my conscious mind, yes, the emotions are completely fresh, like it just happened.

The conclusion I've come to is that some of us are worriers. We worry, we dwell, we mull things over and over and over. I don't know if it's the anxiety that causes the pointless worry or the other way around but I can't shake it and have just accepted that this is something I'll always do.

What's kind of funny for me is that I act like I don't care about much socially (part of my punk rock past) but the truth is, I'm really bothered by those stupid moments.

Cyran0

Review time: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/

[zana0566]

Originally Posted by kallinite

I do the same thing. I seem to have a really hard time letting things go. It's like... I will be having a conversation with someone and say something stupid. They don't even have to notice, but I will be thinking "God. Why would you say that? This is just like that time you said blah blah when you were 11. Or how about when you said blah blah when you were 15?! God, do you never learn?"

Thats a good point kallinite, letting things go. I feel like I have to anylize every word I said or every action I made when I was around people, then pick it apart until I find that really stupid thing I said or did. Then stay up all night calling myself stupid. This may be a type of self harm in a way? I hope you can stop beating yourself up over these "nothings" too!

[zana0566]

Originally Posted by Hippie

Oh, my dear, I can relate to interrupting someone and then kicking myself. It seems to be a nervouse habit. I think you hit the proverbial nail when you said They probably don't notice it.
Do you have a therapist who can help with the obssessing thoughts?
Please post how you're doing.

Hippie, I agree it comes from being nervous when talking to someone we don't know well and they probably don't give it another thought. I am searching for a therapist.

[zana0566]

Originally Posted by Lisa Michelle

zana I know exactly how you feel, I do this also.

Any time I've said something that has embarrassed me, I seem to remember.
I still feel embarrassed over the time when I was about 14, I was talking in class with some friends and a teacher got angry and singled me out and asked me "what's your game?" and I just went "Er, nothing Miss" feeling confused at such a question, and the class burst out laughing, because apparently I had misheard and she'd said "what's your name?".

And a time when a girl walked into my gym class and a smile came on her face and she said hi, and I smiled and said hi back and then realised she was talking to someone else.

I just don't forget these things. Especially the first.
Oh and a time when I'd started my first job and I had a 'review' with one of the staff and she said "some of the other members of staff have said that you're quite blunt and when children tell you that they need the toilet you ignore them". I was SO hurt by this and went home in tears because it was a lie, I was never like that and never would be and I still can't understand why she disliked me so much (I could tell she disliked me) to make it all up. I was also terrified I actually AM blunt and I hate that word to this day!! (it was 7 years ago!)

I'm sorry you also experience this Zana. It's nice to know I'm not alone so I hope you also find it nice to know you're not alone.
The truth is that these "stupid" things we say are actually NO big deal.. I can't explain why to us they are horrendous and stay with us.

x

Lisa Michelle I am sorry you go through this too, it is nice to know we are not alone and can help each other. We are harder on ourselves then on others I think. I really do not notice others mistakes etc. as much as mine or usually don't even think twice about it. As you said about your experiences, it's even harder if someone else notices a mistake we made or in your case implies any kind mistake or negative thought , makes it sooo much worse, to me anyway.

[zana0566]

Originally Posted by muncie2010

zana, I can't believe how much we are alike. First the driving, now this - stepping on another person's words. I never have completely figured this out. I think it has to do with being over-stimulated in conversations with people you especially want to impress. Your thoughts come rushing in and your words come pouring out before the other person finishes their thoughts. It's very embarrassing, and after the conversation with whoever, you beat yourself up about it over and over again. I think us emotional, sensitive types over-excite, over-think, over-react to everything. Too much thinking and not enough action, I know this is my problem.

I know when this happens, it's like I'm worried I won't get my turn if I don't butt in, which is ridiculous; I just don't have the patience to wait. One tip I read once, was after a person completes his thought, you count to 3 before you begin. Looks like you have a lot of company with this one.

muncie2010, we are very much alike, it feels good to know it's not just me. So true what you said about the thoughts come rushing in while in conversation. I think I get the nerve up suddenly to talk and try to say everything at once or in a hurry so I don't lose the courage to talk. I also tend to talk before I think, then think about it too much later. As you said about you: I think us emotional, sensitive types over-excite, over-think, over-react to everything. Too much thinking and not enough action..definately me! I will try that tip thanks.

[zana0566]

Originally Posted by Cyran0

I too collect memories of every stupid, embarassing, bad thing I've ever done and when they float up into my conscious mind, yes, the emotions are completely fresh, like it just happened.

The conclusion I've come to is that some of us are worriers. We worry, we dwell, we mull things over and over and over. I don't know if it's the anxiety that causes the pointless worry or the other way around but I can't shake it and have just accepted that this is something I'll always do.

What's kind of funny for me is that I act like I don't care about much socially (part of my punk rock past) but the truth is, I'm really bothered by those stupid moments.

Cyran0

Cyran0, A worrier and all the above definately. your right it could be the anxiety causing it or it is causing anxiety. Probably a vicious cycle. Those moments seem to take over life at times.

[zana0566]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Review time: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/

Thank you very much TheByzantine, very good reading, now I can put a name to it and learn more about it. I hope everyone else in this thread will find it helpful too.

Good luck, zana0566.

[Perna]

It hasn't stopped for me, even though I'm getting betterer :-) Now I hear when my husband gently corrects me for interrupting or someone gets frustrated with me and says something like, "Let me finish!" (my elderly aunt on the phone).

I try to remind myself it's because I'm a good person that it bothers me; people who don't care, it doesn't bother them/they don't notice the subtle hints! We're always learning and it's just a habit. Say something to yourself when you catch yourself like, "there I go biting my fingernails again," instead of telling yourself you're stupid; change what you say to yourself to something neutral. Or, better yet, if you make it ridiculous enough (There I go getting on my high hippopotamus again) the funny/shocking picture will help you smile and stick in your head so you'll see it next time maybe before you're about to say something you don't want to.

Thanks for sharing zana. Your comment about "getting up the nerve suddenly to talk and try to say everything at once so you don't lose the courage to talk", is true. I always suffered from shyness and low self-esteem. That explains my thought about "worried I won't get my turn if I don't butt in and don't have the patience to wait."

Have you been able to find a therapist yet to work on your driving?

[zana0566]

Originally Posted by muncie2010

Thanks for sharing zana. Your comment about "getting up the nerve suddenly to talk and try to say everything at once so you don't lose the courage to talk", is true. I always suffered from shyness and low self-esteem. That explains my thought about "worried I won't get my turn if I don't butt in and don't have the patience to wait."

Have you been able to find a therapist yet to work on your driving?

Hi Muncie, I haven't found a therapist yet. It's easy to find any therapist but I am trying to find one who specializes in phobias and better yet and probably not gonna happen, one that has experience in driving phobias. Worth a try but not holding my breath. Also still going to work on finding help with the cost of therapy. All those factors it may take a little time. Some days I just want a therapist, any therapist!

[zana0566]

Originally Posted by Perna

It hasn't stopped for me, even though I'm getting betterer :-) Now I hear when my husband gently corrects me for interrupting or someone gets frustrated with me and says something like, "Let me finish!" (my elderly aunt on the phone).

I try to remind myself it's because I'm a good person that it bothers me; people who don't care, it doesn't bother them/they don't notice the subtle hints! We're always learning and it's just a habit. Say something to yourself when you catch yourself like, "there I go biting my fingernails again," instead of telling yourself you're stupid; change what you say to yourself to something neutral. Or, better yet, if you make it ridiculous enough (There I go getting on my high hippopotamus again) the funny/shocking picture will help you smile and stick in your head so you'll see it next time maybe before you're about to say something you don't want to.

Hi Perna, thank you for the great tips. I do believe in humor as being medicine for the mind! Your comment about being a good person, I think sometimes I try too hard to show people that I am nice and friendly and yes thats why it effects me so much, when I think I may have messed that up even if I really didn't do anything or nothing big. I guess I feel if someone really likes me then I am worth something.

Zana, I think you are a very good person. It comes through loud and clear with your posts. You're so nice to follow up and thank people for suggestions they have for you. That's the only problem with psychcentral, we rarely get to meet in person. I would personally try to help you with driving if we were living near each other. It would be a pleasure to meet you. I moved to the country with my husband when we retired 4 years ago, and it's hard to make new friends. I sure appreciate having you as a friend on psychcentral. By the way, I have phobias too and have been working real hard on them lately. They make you weaker. The one suggestion I read about is, "if you ignore them, they go away". There is a lot of truth in this, but you have to stick to your guns in order to make it work, it takes concentration and effort. Now I'm talking about little bothersome phobias, not driving; like doing something one way instead of another to alter the outcome of something. Have a good day and good luck finding a therapist.

[zana0566]

Originally Posted by muncie2010

Zana, I think you are a very good person. It comes through loud and clear with your posts. You're so nice to follow up and thank people for suggestions they have for you. That's the only problem with psychcentral, we rarely get to meet in person. I would personally try to help you with driving if we were living near each other. It would be a pleasure to meet you. I moved to the country with my husband when we retired 4 years ago, and it's hard to make new friends. I sure appreciate having you as a friend on psychcentral. By the way, I have phobias too and have been working real hard on them lately. They make you weaker. The one suggestion I read about is, "if you ignore them, they go away". There is a lot of truth in this, but you have to stick to your guns in order to make it work, it takes concentration and effort. Now I'm talking about little bothersome phobias, not driving; like doing something one way instead of another to alter the outcome of something. Have a good day and good luck finding a therapist.

Thank you Muncie this really means a lot and I am greatful to have met a new friend who is so kind and helpful. I can imagine how it would be at first to make new friends when moving to a new country, a whole new world. I can see that you are a great friend to have. Send a msg anytime and if you want to talk.

How are you doing, zana?

[zana0566]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

How are you doing, zana?

I am doing ok I think, thank you TheByzantine. I hope all is well with you? I wish my mind would take a break and let things go for a while. I am thinking of trying some different natural alternatives to relieve at least a little anxiety and depression. I will have to see if there are some threads on this or start one.

Good luck, zana.