[AAAAA]

When I was 18 I had the misfortune of meeting one of the most toxic women on earth. She was shallow, calculating, manipulative, immoral, and shameless. Her life was literally a soap opera… think Erica Cane. We met because she and my husband were in the same branch of service in the same field. We were all stationed overseas on a small remote base which made avoiding her very difficult.

She made a lasting impression for several reasons. I grew up in a small town and had never experienced anyone like her before. One of her “victims” that she chewed up and spit out was a dear friend. He hasn’t recovered to this day almost 30 years later. Through the years when a friend has done something they’re ashamed of we could always say “that’s nothing, we knew this woman that…..” The mere thought of her brings a pit to my stomach.

She was from “back East”. Ten years after we met her, a head hunter approached my husband with a job offer from the area that she’s from. I had no desire to live in that area anyway, but at the time I said to him tongue in cheek “do you want to live that close to Erica again?” When I said it, I knew that even if Erica had returned to that area the odds of us running into her were a million to one.

So yesterday my husband brought me to work because he was bringing my car in to be serviced. When he picked me up he said “you’re never going to believe who I saw today!” Erica has moved to our area.

I know it’s stupid, irrational, and silly but I feel violated. My anxiety has gone into overdrive.

[Lisa Michelle]

Oh *****! That is unfortunate but remember, you're not 18 anymore and you don't live in a small remote base.
You haven't seen her for years, she's not your friend, nor your husband's friend, and you don't need to have any relationship with her whatsoever.
If I were you and I did see her (hey it's probably unlikely) I would just ignore her, keep on walking. At most, if I was forced, I would say hi.

I hope you can calm down about this soon. I understand you don't feel comfortable with it. I live in a town where my 'ex best friend' still lives and I'm constantly worried about bumping into her.

[Julial]

Makes it hard not to think bad things. Like: hope she aged badly, hope her kids ran away and are doing well, hope she's broke, hope she is working at a fast food joint, etc. Sorry, if I am out of line. Makes me wonder about fate sometimes. I hope things work out for you.

[lynn P.]

Good advice from Lisa Michelle. Now I'm curious what kind of things did she do? You don't have to say if this will make your anxiety worse. Follow Lisa's advice and completely ignore her.

[AAAAA]

Thank you Lisa. I keep telling myself I’m not that naïve 18 year old anymore. Actually, odds are that we will run into each other at some point. We live in a pretty rural area. I cannot imagine what brought her to this part of the country, let alone this specific town.

I have a plan, I’m not a great liar, but I if/when we should bump into her I shall pretend I have no memory of her at all, that seems believable. You meet hundreds of people in military life.

When she called out to my husband (who hasn’t changed much in the last 30 years) yesterday he just kept walking as if he hadn’t heard her. She wouldn’t recognize me in a million years though, so maybe I just won’t leave the house with him anymore lol.

[AAAAA]

Getting ready for work, not much time but OMG, it literally was like a soap opera. She has no problems using sex to get what she wanted, even though she was married (twice). Her second husband was actually on our flight. She was pregnant (turns out not with her second husband’s child but some other man) and having an affair with this very sweet man D that was MADLY in love with her on this base. She told him she was in the process of a divorce, which was kind of true.

In the military, you cannot change your last name until all of the paperwork has been approved. She got to that base with the name of her first husband. She literally did not tell D that she not only was married but her husband was also going to be stationed there, working with them all. When her husband found out about D, she cried rape and it ruined D’s life. He didn’t care about the criminal charges as he had her love letters to prove it was consensual (but adultery is still illegal in military) but it destroyed him that someone he loved could do that to him.

She attempted to seduce my own husband when he became her work center supervisor. She had no shame, men to her were just means to an end. This from her own mouth! It was three years of DRAMA.

Sounds like the kind of woman we decent women often get labeled as.

You have the right idea; sounds like you just steer clear and make believe you don't even know her----yuck---theo

[wickedwings]

OMG! That's evil in my book! Eek! So sorry that you have to deal with the likes of her.

[ECHOES]

I wonder if she has matured and made changes in her life over the years.

[AAAAA]

I wondered the same thing Echoes, but I’m not willing to risk spending time with her to find out.

[ECHOES]

AAAAA, that is certainly understandable.