[googley]

Money makes me so anxious. I can't stand it when I get to the point where I only have a little money left and I don't know if I am going to be able to afford everything I need to pay for. It is the start of the school year and so my loans from last year are running out. But my loans for this year don't come in until after the start of classes. The problem is that there are things that I have to pay for (eg rent, health insurance, T) that start before classes start. It would have been okay and I would have not been as anxious except that I had a lot of unexpected bills today because my car broke down and I had to get it fixed. The thing that makes me really mad is that I think the people who changed the oil knocked the wire loose and that is why there was a problem. Now I'm really anxious about all of this. I hate money. I swear it makes me more anxious than just about anything. Probably because growing up my mom would always say that I was going to make them poor.

[Perna]

My husband is great the way he approaches life and stuff; I try to learn from him.

I think he sees money and bills like everything else. Paying the rent is just a problem like paying to have a car fixed or paying T or insurance, etc. Money is just a "thing". I think you and I get into trouble when we let all the feelings about certain things bleed over into other things. Think about a rock. Does that make you anxious? No. Think about a rock being thrown through your front window. More anxious now, aren't you? I think we do that to ourselves when we go from "paying this months rent" to, "OMG, they'll throw me out on the street!"

Have you ever forgotten to pay T? I did 2-3 times in nine years and I remember once when I remember I'd forgotten to give her her check (I'd taken it with me to therapy that afternoon, just forgotten to give it to her) around Midnight as I was just getting ready to go to sleep, was laying in the dark about to close my eyes and suddenly remembered I'd forgotten. Jumped out of bed wide-eyed and frantic, ran to the living room and opened my wallet and, yup, there was the check.

I was able to laugh a little bit and relax because it was Midnight, what had I thought I could do then? I'd had the session, not like T could take it back? I always paid T, not like she'd be worried (if she had noticed I hadn't paid her yet; remember, she too would have had to have forgotten to ask me for the check?) I wouldn't pay her, that was not a problem between she and I. I did call her the next day to ask did she want me to mail it or just bring in twice as much next week or "both"/two checks, etc.?

Just solve problems, one-by-one as they come up. Ask T if you can pay later, for the month or after the new check comes, etc. Whatever the result of the conversation, deal with that as it's own item free of others. Do you have a grace period at all for rent? Can you go to the landlord and explain your problem and get a grace period. Often there's no/little grace period but you can still pay late and just pay a bit of a fee/penalty for doing so, like one would a late fee for anything else. But don't think of the "Money" like it is living/breathing and has a life of its own. It's "yours" and just a thing, like your car. Sometimes it breaks down and has to be "fixed" and other times it runs well.