[ECHOES]

I thought this might be helpful to others as it has been for me and is for me right now. Although I'm in a different kind of therapy now, a long time ago I was in therapy with a therapist who specialized in REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy) and this book "SOS Help For Emotions".

In chapter 6 the author Lynn Clark PhD talks about self talk: Major Musts and Hot Links.

Major Musts:

1. I must ... !!
2. You (he or she) must ...!!
3. The world and the conditions under which I love must !!

These also include must nots, absolute shoulds and should nots, ought and out nots, and has to.

Hot Links.Also called 'irrational conclusions':

1. Awfulizing: This situation is more than 100% awful: it is HTA - horrible, terrible, awful. Horribleizing, Terribleizing, and Catastrophizing are similar.
(I am much better at this than I used to be)

2. I-can't-stand-it-itis: causes Low Frustrations Tolerance (LFT): I can't stand any discomfort, anxiety, anger, or depression. I can't survive or be happy at all if I have to endure these feelings. I absolutely refuse to accept feeling comfortable. (this is me, for sure. even if I attempt to cover it up, to hide it, to defensively ignore it.. it is me)

3. Comdemnation & Damnation: Wishing punishment and ruin on yourself or others. It results in anger directed toward yourself or others. (Secret me, behind the wheel, swearing up a storm. No rageful behavior, though)

4. I'm Worthless: I'm no good at all. Low Self Acceptance (LSA), low self-esteem, and depression result from this self talk. (Me, too, to a degree. However, I think this is an area for each person to explore more, that there is much more depth to it. And I'm not convinced it is the cause rather than the result.)

5. Always & Never: more absolutes. It will always be this way and will never change. (Me too, at times. I can forget that everything is temporary.)

I think that Absolutes close the mind, and blind us to insight and to opportunities.

Listen closely to what you tell yourself. Begin to notice Major Musts and Hot Links. Avoid them, challenge them, explore where they come from and what else you are saying. For example, "I can't stand this" may also mean "I feel very bad, hopeless, and wish I someone could help me."

I am enjoying traipsing through this book again. I'm glad I kept it!

[Perna]

Thank you for sharing, Echoes, sounds like a good book. I love having a few favorite books I reread occasionally.

[sundog]

Thanks for this! I do all of the Hot Links, most of all, #1 and #2. I've been trying to catch myself, but it's a 24/7 job!!!