[lorna]

I find it really difficult to deal with people who are opinionated and make me feel like im not worth anything. How do you defend yourself against it fight it, or just ignore the coments. Like often its beyond their business yet they think its ok to say "why aren't you working" or "are you being still paid" like who asks that??? I wouldn't dream of it yet I've heard. Who asks a person with a cane why do you need that don't you observe the person's walk...like it makes no sense. Im at a point in my life where I feel I don't need to account. It just adds to one more area that brings on anxiety and is not worth it. Confrontational but I sometimes think I should say something to "shut them up" what are your thoughts? Lorna

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by lorna

I find it really difficult to deal with people who are opinionated and make me feel like im not worth anything. How do you defend yourself against it fight it, or just ignore the coments. Like often its beyond their business yet they think its ok to say "why aren't you working" or "are you being still paid" like who asks that??? I wouldn't dream of it yet I've heard. Who asks a person with a cane why do you need that don't you observe the person's walk...like it makes no sense. Im at a point in my life where I feel I don't need to account. It just adds to one more area that brings on anxiety and is not worth it. Confrontational but I sometimes think I should say something to "shut them up" what are your thoughts? Lorna

Hey, Lorna,

Unfortunately there are lots of opinionated people like that, even though it's dumb (they're probably not too smart themselves). Personally, I don't think it's worth the energy to fight it. I try to ignore it as much as I can. And those dumb questions! I just say uh-huh, uh-huh when they're talking and then I try to change the subject immediately. You're right. You don't need to account to anybody. I know it's anxiety provoking. Been there, done that. But, as I say, I try to ignore their stupidities and change the subject as fast as I can. And, of course, I would never even try to answer their dumb questions. Hope this helps! Take care.

Gosh Ygrec23...I wish I were as strong as you...I go into attack mode if I see anyone being bullied or if someone tries to bully me.I really envy that.~W~

[cse7663]

I'm intense. people around me call me Papaw Intense...Seemed like a cute nickname at first and then it hit me..A lady sitting next to me said "are you going to hurt someone soon"?..uhhhh,,,no, I have no intention of doing that, why do you ask?. She just said it was my expression, and what she sensed, that's why I'm here...

[Hunny]

TAKE CARE

[Mustkeepjob32]

I don't like those kind of people either. I go into attack mode also in my mind, but actually getting a good comeback in is rather hard for me, and of course it's silly anyway.
I HATE confrontation. If someone confronts me and makes me upset and shocked, I'm not the type that can come back to "chew them and spit them out"; I just shake in disbelief.

[Soul Quake]

As for an occupation, it seems that most people are so intrinsically tied to their line of work that it becomes an identity for them. "What do you do?" is such a common question, oftentimes with no thought behind it. Unfortunately it's seen as abnormal not to have a job, and even worse, is frowned upon by some, which is something you evidently have come across.

Remember, scrutiny will be present no matter what you do, but it's a matter of how you view yourself rather than taking in the judgmental comments from others. You could always say, "That's personal." It's non-confrontational and straight to the point.

[SlatkaMala]

Those types annoy me too. If I'm feeling ornery, I'll ask them just a rude of question back at them just to be a brat. Or I'll ask them if they're socially retarded.

[ECHOES]

Questions speak about the person asking the question.

The answer, or lack of, speaks about the person being questioned. If the person considers the question personally off-limits, then they can choose to not answer, no matter how many times the question might be asked.

It's hard when you feel like someone is asking a question to they can use the answer to judge you.

[AAAAA]

Lorna I’ve found that the simplest approach is the best when dealing with rude people. If someone asks you “why aren’t you working yet” I would respond with “wow, that’s a very personal question and I do not want to discuss it with you.” There is no response to that. Asking how much you get paid or who pays you would get “that’s about the rudest thing I’ve ever heard, I don’t even know how to respond to that.” People have been so used of just butting in that they’re just taken aback, speechless. It takes a bit of practice.

I’m pretty opinionated myself, but I don’t feel the need to have anyone validate my opinion. Whether it’s politics, religion, or my favorite music my favorite response is “We’ll just agree to disagree”. Some people tend to push, but a polite smile and a quick change of topic to something benign like the weather will usually make the die hards give up.

If I’m feeling cranky or they’re particularly rude I’ll respond as SlatkaMala. I’ll be equally rude, but sugary sweet “I love your hair color, do you dye it yourself?”

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by wolfsong

Gosh Ygrec23...I wish I were as strong as you...I go into attack mode if I see anyone being bullied or if someone tries to bully me.I really envy that.~W~

Yeah, I guess you can think of it as bullying, though that's not the first word that comes to my mind. I try not to have too many hot buttons that others can punch. I'm sure you are "as strong as" me, it's just a question of exercising some control over emotional reactions. Anyone can do it if they try. Luckily I had to learn this very, very intensively because of my profession. So it's become a habit. Opinionated people can be tuned out. Take care!

Thank you....can you be my maturity mentor?....LOL...I am being silly...but really ...My emotional status gets blown about with any breeze as an emotional wind mill....>.< ouch my joke made me think how much I wish I had a parent or older sib.grr....Sorry off topic.I have a tendency to be highly tolerant and long suffering...then somehow it all catches up and tho i am never violent...my words bite at that point.Better to be proactive all along I think.I generally only get into tiffs if I see a person being abused or bullied.Somehow I am weak when it has to do with me...but let me see it happen to someone else and all bets are off.On reflection...I look back at your post...you refer to opinionated people...I referred to abuse /bullying.That in itself depicts my lean toward extreme interpretations of situations/events around me.I interpret things far out of context.Well that's insight....insight is good.lol.

[Ygrec23]

Well, wolfsong, I talked about opinionated people because that's who Lorna (who started the thread) talked about. Opinionated people as in people who just refuse to see the potential weaknesses in their point of view; who talk on and on and on about the way they see it and haven't the FAINTEST interest, desire or willingness to listen to someone else's ideas on the same topic, let alone ideas that are substantially different from theirs. Me, I'd classify them not as bullies, but as bores. After five minutes of listening to them you know what you're up against, and you just really want to be someplace else doing something other than listening to such a person.

I don't think we're talking about abuse or bullying, at least I don't think that's what Lorna was talking about. If it came to abuse or bullying then your reaction would be correct, to my mind. One would definitely have a responsibility to step in if the person being abused or bullied seemed unable to defend themself.

Take care!

TyTy Ygrec for reply

[Perna]

I don't worry too much about someone I overhear asking another person questions; that's the person they're asking's "problem", I don't know if they know one another or have had interactions before or what each is bringing to their exchange.

However, if someone asks me what I consider a rude or overly personal question I try to see why they are asking and I assess my own thoughts about how much I care about the question; some people just want to start a conversation but are ignorant about how to do that so pick something "obvious". Where I might express the hope the grocery store clerk doesn't have many more hours to work, someone else might ask why they are wearing a patch on their eye or something :-) Sometimes questions can seem imposing to some people where a simple statement, even of something obvious, might not but people asking questions or making statements are doing it from their own "world" and I can accept that.

Usually I try to shrug and answer if it's easy and "nonsensical" but if I feel it is not something I'm in the mood for I'll make a simple "I don't think that's any of your business" remark and turn away. If I am not in the mood, sometimes I'll get rude in return and make it into an embarrassing joke/lesson for the other, answer "too truthfully" and give too much information or, if they say something rude about my looks or something, heartily agree with them

Strangers get things wrong; it is all from them and their world and doesn't have anything to do with me so I don't have much trouble there. A throwaway line, "And your mother wears combat boots!" makes about as much sense as whatever comment they're making usually but if I can catch myself and be "polite" that shuts them up too. Being told by a stranger, at 60 years old, that my shoe's untied bugs me but what does it hurt? Someone is being automatic mother or has never given thought to how an adult can not know their shoe is untied or how many times as an adult they themselves have tripped on a shoelace (I don't think I've ever tripped on a shoelace as a child or adult). In cases like that, I just say "thank you" and keep going. If someone asks a "why" question there's always the arch, "Why not?" and matching a busybody's "You are X" with the same tone of voice reply, "And you are Y" (Y being "rude", "a busybody", "don't know what you're talking about", etc.)

[Michah]

“One who is too insistent on his own views, finds few to agree with him.” Lao Tzu........one of my favourite quotes

There is nothing stopping you from walking away. I got over thinking it was rude a long time ago. It is better than exploding from a case of "bigotryitis".

And if someone asks you "What do you do?"......

You can say "Everything".

Take care of your precious self,

Michah

I guess I didn't even read it right...I apologize.I'm embarrased lol.I guess it is an example of things being misinterpreted.Ducks head and tip toes away ...lolol

[Michah]

Originally Posted by wolfsong

I guess I didn't even read it right...I apologize.I'm embarrased lol.I guess it is an example of things being misinterpreted.Ducks head and tip toes away ...lolol

((((((wolfsong))))))

Michah

((((((peeks 'round teh corner...grabs hug from teh micah n runzz)))

[Michah]

Originally Posted by wolfsong

((((((peeks 'round teh corner...grabs hug from teh micah n runzz)))

Straight back at ya sweet cheeks