[Yack]

I can't really leave my house.

Not for anything in the world, because of one day in court. Can someone explain this to me please?

[JustBen]

What do you fear will happen if you leave the house, Jackie?

[Yack]

All summer long and in the spring I thought V was going to hurt me...in the back of my head I guess bec I kept getting threatened. I was in my hometown.

Now I have parasites again, and I feel sick. I don't want to get sick in public.

Also, I don't feel comfortable where I live. In the old town I lived in, I knew all of the people in town and there were probably 10 towns within 30 min. Main St. was 2 min away, my school was 10, and I had about 20 neighbors who I knew for 23 years in like 2 square miles of space. 2 malls 5 min away, shopping, etc, knew every restaurant owner and everyone at most stores by name, including the people at the supermarkets (maybe 5 within 10 min).

Now, we live 2 min from the side of the highway, 10 min from a small town, and the rest is rolling farmland.
I feel anonymous and identity-less and it makes me want to sleep. There is one supermarket and the rest is very ugly strip malls.

I feel like I don't belong here. It is a big tourist spot and so I feel like an outsider ( a lot of people passing through outlet stores, or visiting the bed and breakfasts in the country).

On the highway I feel depersonalized. In the country I feel lost. The people never leave their houses much - this is a fact - so you never really see anyone unless you are from here and have connections or really really love your job and make it your life. Or if perhaps I were married and had kids that would make my world go round - parents meet each other at the school events). People keep to themselves.

I am not a loner (usually) and I feel nicheless.

My stress has no where to go so it goes inward. The town is full of highway and these horrible traffic circles.

Some people think it is cute in some ways but I feel like an idiot. "Quaint". I usually have a lot of energy and no where to put it. There are very few places to walk around.

After being sick for 9 months 3 years ago, dealing with V, and now sick again, I am afraid to move out. I was very close to my family. Now we sort of fight. They don't go anywhere and have no friends. They used to have a bunch.